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Old 02-11-2012, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Apache Junction
148 posts, read 283,812 times
Reputation: 129

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My husband, who is a wonderful, warm and kind man, will often ask my opinion or advice on something.
I.E: (Him) - Do you want the green or the blue?
(Me) I prefer the blue.
(Him) But don't you think green is better?
It's as if he already has his mind made up but is just asking me out of courtesy. If by happenstance I answered correctly, all is well. If I answer the opposite of what he has in mind, then a long conversation ensues until I figure "what the hell, it really doesn't matter in the end" and then give in to him. I often ask him why he is even asking me if he had his mind already made up. He tells me he doesn't have his mind made up, but quite frankly I do believe he does.
In fact, last week his brother-in-law was visiting and the above scenario happened. My BIL laughed at him and asked my husband why he was even bothering to ask me, so it's not my imagination when it was so readily apparent to our BIL. LOL
As I said, my husband really is a wonderful man, so please don't put him down. He treats me like a queen. I was just wondering if this happens to you, and, if so, how do you handle it?
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Old 02-11-2012, 03:58 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
41,338 posts, read 26,561,612 times
Reputation: 59347
Ah, heck. I do this all the time. It's kinda the way my mind works.

I have an opinion.
I ask for the other's opinion.
I state why I had my opinion.
They state why they had thier opinion.

Hopefully from the exchange the best decision can be made.

My ex-SO teased me once about this... and I told him that while I have an idea of what I want, I need to hear the other opinion... sometimes I changed my mind sometimes not.

I don't it bothered him too much.

Maybe your husband is the same?
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Old 02-11-2012, 04:01 PM
 
17,867 posts, read 19,475,530 times
Reputation: 13885
I don't have this problem. I typically took my SO's opinion over mine when it comes to certain things like clothes though.

I'm not married either.
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Old 02-11-2012, 04:35 PM
 
497 posts, read 804,602 times
Reputation: 948
speaking as a happily married man, your husband sounds like a wife!
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Old 02-11-2012, 04:41 PM
 
12,576 posts, read 14,409,610 times
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Could be worse; a friend's wife would say "we need to discuss this" which translated to "we're going to talk about this until you decide to do it my way."
Depending on the situation this could drag on for weeks.
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Old 02-11-2012, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Not far from Fairbanks, AK
18,078 posts, read 32,180,201 times
Reputation: 14220
The only problem I can see is that the OP should be asking those questions to her husband instead than doing so in a public forum. Imagine for a moment that he comes here and reads what his wife has to say to all of us about him. How would he feel about what is being says about him, or just the act of his wife telling others outside their marriage?

My advise to the OP: write everything you said above (exactly as you wrote it) on a piece of paper, and hand the paper to her husband. But whatever you do, don't tell him that you posted it on the Internet.

But then I could be completely wrong, so take my words with a grain of salt, and if I offend the OP or anybody else...please accept my most sincere apology.

Last edited by RayinAK; 02-11-2012 at 05:14 PM..
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Old 02-11-2012, 06:23 PM
 
Location: Apache Junction
148 posts, read 283,812 times
Reputation: 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by RayinAK View Post
The only problem I can see is that the OP should be asking those questions to her husband instead than doing so in a public forum. Imagine for a moment that he comes here and reads what his wife has to say to all of us about him. How would he feel about what is being says about him, or just the act of his wife telling others outside their marriage?

My advise to the OP: write everything you said above (exactly as you wrote it) on a piece of paper, and hand the paper to her husband. But whatever you do, don't tell him that you posted it on the Internet.

But then I could be completely wrong, so take my words with a grain of salt, and if I offend the OP or anybody else...please accept my most sincere apology.
I'm not offended. I should have fleshed out my thread a little bit more in that I have had this conversation numerous times with my husband, which is why I am now posting it here - to try and get some insight into it.
What I have posted here is no different than our numerous discussions, so it's not as if I trashed him. In fact, I stated right from the beginning how very gentle and kind he is and asked that people not put him down.
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Old 02-11-2012, 06:34 PM
 
32,551 posts, read 38,764,968 times
Reputation: 45333
My SO asks me often what I think. Usually, he'll go with my choice...but not always. No big deal.
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Old 02-11-2012, 07:08 PM
 
307 posts, read 585,453 times
Reputation: 457
Your husband probably knows what he wants but he wants to learn your preference and how strongly you feel. A lot of times I will have a preference but will go with DH's if he feels strongly about something. If he doesn't care much then I will go with mine.

I did this to my husband today:
Me: (kind of craving a burger) What would you like to do for lunch? We have chicken soup in the freezer, grilled cheese sandwiches, salads, or we can use these McDonald's coupons.
DH: (not wanting to leave his video game) How about the soup?
Me: I'm kind of craving a burger, I'll go get some McDonald's and then heat up some soup for you.
DH: Can you pick me up some McNuggets while you are there?
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Old 02-11-2012, 07:21 PM
 
15,724 posts, read 19,741,023 times
Reputation: 12805
Yeah, sounds familiar.

He's the boss, I'm just around for the ride. I don't have an opinion and I don't have any authority either
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