unhappy marriages
Over the phone, I could sense that they fell out with each other once again, and I also pretty sure it’s over some tiny little trifles. I ended the chatting very soon. I’ve been dealing with this kind of situation for almost twenty years. I’ve already been pretty damn good at this. I got back to do my homework right away; seemed not been affected much. But a couple hours later, I couldn’t stop thinking over this and my passive view toward marriage and not having children.
I always been aware of my issue with not want to have kids. Most other people’s kids are cute. But when it comes to be mine, I become so scared and would rather not. I know what reaction people will have if they know a sweet young girl do not want kid. And it is way too complex to explain with a few words. I generally avoid this topic, even if I had to talk about it, I always less emphasized it.
But today I want to write a bit about why. My dad was really caring to me when I was little. He never said anything threatening, like abandon me if I don’t behave. But as of my mom, she had said this kind of words to me several times. When I was in junior high school, I was an excellent girl. But even so, once she said to me:” if you don’t listen to me, I will divorce with your dad!” My parents has been quarrel over similar little issues over and over again through out their marriage, which can date back to twenty years ago when I just started to remember things. In my childhood memory, they had several big fights when I was in elementary school. “Divorce” was such a scary word to me even though I had heard it from my parents thousands of times. This happened every single time that my mom had a little quarrel with either my father or me, she cursed the other one of us. To her, my dad and I always were both wrong even if the fact that we had nothing to do with what they were fighting for. It’s not like she doesn’t love me. She just has a bad tamper. Most of the time she wasn’t able to realize how much her words could hurt us. She broke my heart several times. I didn’t even what she to be my mom once when I was in freshmen year in college.
(Not over
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