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Ok, so this is going to be a long post, so for those of you who read to the end, thank you so much!
This is a genuine problem I'm having, and it's keeping me up at night, and I don't know what to do.
I'm a 27 year old male, and my girlfriend is 26. We met almost 2 years ago on a local dating site. We went out on about half a dozen dates before we became "official". About 2 months into the relationship, she asked me if it was ok if her best friend of 10 years "tagged along" with us on a mini golf date. Her best friend is 28 and single by the way. This was the first time her best friend came into the picture, because previously they either hung out just the 2 of them, or my GF and I were on a date, and we didn't want the whole "3rd wheel" thing to happen. So I said sure, not thinking much of it. Well my GF and I pulled up to her friends house that night before mini golf to pick her up. Keep in mind, this was the first time I had seen her friend. As her friend walked out the door, I swear it was like one of those movies where the girl is walking in slow motion. Her friend was honestly the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. So obviously, I was trying not to stare, as her friend proceeded to walk and get into the back seat of the car. As she got in, I could smell her, and she had of course the most amazing smelling perfume on as well, and I found myself kinda getting butterflies. But I just played it off, introduced myself, and we proceeded to head over to the mini golf course. That entire night, I was seriously in awe of how gorgeous this girl was. "How is she single?" I kept asking myself. Anyway, as time went on, her friend came into the picture several times, and kinda hung out with us a lot as a 3rd wheel. I also brought a couple of my guy friends along a few times, and we hung out as a group, and even though both of my friends thought she was gorgeous, she didn't have any interest in them other than friendship. They weren't her type she said. As time went on, I noticed her friend would always laugh at my stupid jokes. And my GF always just rolls her eyes and says I'm not funny, meanwhile her friend would crack up and be like "that's cute". I also found out her friend is a huge baseball fan, and we even like the same team. And she'll always high five me when our team wins and stuff like that, meanwhile my GF always tells me baseball is boring and she doesn't get how we're into it. So a couple months ago, my girlfriend and I were going to go out to dinner, and I was picking her up at her best friends house. So when I came to the door, her friend answers, and she goes "oh wow you look nice", and I said thank you. And my girlfriend never tells me that. It kind of made my day. Her friend and I also like the same exact kind of music, and my GF doesn't even listen to the radio.
Ok.. so here's my problem.. It's been nearly 2 years now, and her friend is still single because she says "she just can't seem to find that vibe with any guy". And I find myself more and more falling for this girl. She's not just beautiful, but she's the sweetest, kindest person I've ever met. She has such a good heart, and loves kids and animals and is so caring. And I have been thinking that she feels the same way about me, because there's time she kinda flirts with me and jokes with me. Now tonight confirms it. The 3 of us went out tonight. I was the designated driver, so I didn't have anything to drink. However my GF and her best friend had quite a bit to drink and got pretty intoxicated. After we got back to her friends house(where my GF is spending the night tonight), my GF passed out and went to bed. So her friend and I were watching TV together on the couch, and I felt bad because she was drunk, so I said "I should probably get going", because I didn't want to be put in a situation that could turn bad especially since she's drunk. So I said goodbye, and walked out to my car. As I'm starting my engine and getting ready to take off and head home, her friend comes running out barefoot, and crying, to my car. So I roll down my window and she goes, "I'm probably going to regret telling you this tomorrow, but I need to tell you something". So immediately I feel butterflies, and kind of nervously say "Ok, whats up?". And she says "I'm falling in love with you. I've liked you since the first day I met you the night we went to play miniature golf. I find myself wishing I was your girlfriend every time I see you. I feel awful because you're with my best friend, but I don't know what to do." And rather than me saying I feel the exact same way, and I'm also falling in love with you, I decided to refrain out of respect for my girlfriend. So I just said "oh wow. You're a great girl. I know you'll find someone soon." And I gave her a hug through the window and drove off. But I don't know what to do. I feel like this girl and I could have an amazing life together. I'm in love with her and now I know she feels the same way. I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up their friendship, but at the same time, I don't want to miss out on a potential relationship that could last forever. I'm so torn. Even as I'm writing this, she just texted me and said "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said anything". And I said "it's fine, don't feel bad, you're just vulnerable because you've been drinking. Get some sleep and don't worry about it."
There's nothing wrong with finding someone who speaks to your heart. It would be wrong, though, for you to continue the relationship with your girlfriend because she is not the woman you love. It's time to have talk with your girlfriend about ending your relationship with her.
This happens all the time. People develop infatuations with an SO’s friend or sibling because they’re close by but far enough removed to make them mysterious and intriguing.
You’re going to hurt your girlfriend the worst. Then you’ll find her friend has the same kind of boring, mundane faults your girlfriend has.
It’s going to be hard to avoid this. Break up with your girlfriend while you can. Stay away from her friend.
Go for it! You can’t control your feelings and no on can tell you who you can’t date. It will likely cost both of you a friendship with your GF and really hurt her, but that’s life. I would just break up with her and try to keep it secret until you are sure it will work out. That’s just me though.
This has happened to me a few times, but not in love feelings. Currently I honestly think my friends wife loves me, and I am not interested at all and try to make it clear.
The saddest part is that you formed a committed relationship with someone you don't seem to have strong feelings for. After 6 dates!
If you were in the sort of relationship you pretended you were, you may have noticed her friend on some level... but not the way she smells, how she reacts to you, etc. You were open to feeling something for her because you were half in/half out of your current relationship.
Is that a habit of yours?
I agree that you need to break up with your girlfriend and get out of both their lives.
Maybe after a year or two, once your GF moves on and finds someone else, you could entertain a friendship and eventual relationship with this other woman. But make sure the next time, you are in it 100%, so that even the nicest, funniest hottie does not impress you as much as your partner.
Go for it! You can’t control your feelings and no on can tell you who you can’t date. It will likely cost both of you a friendship with your GF and really hurt her, but that’s life. I would just break up with her and try to keep it secret until you are sure it will work out. That’s just me though.
This is wrong and unethical. Do not be this guy. Relationships that start out by lying and hurting other people do not tend to be healthy ones.
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