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This is for women only - a sincere question for all you ladies out there. I've been surfing the 'net looking for dating tips as I am soon to be single. I do get that one has to be interesting and in charge of one's own life, as I am, but. To my dismay, I found a derogatory term that seems to describe my heart too well - AFC, or, Average Frustrated Chump. It seems women are not interested in the following, and I quote:
Other typical traits and behaviors of the AFC include but are not limited to:
~An unprecedented ability to forgive a woman for hurtful and/or malicious acts.
~An unusual level of trust that fails to keep gullable behavior in check.
~The act of providing expensive or romantic gifts too readily and/or prematurely.
~The act of performing favors even when he feels he is being taken advantage of.
~The view that the majority of men are heartless dogs who chase women for sexual purposes only.
~An eagerness to display his romantic, chivalrous and sensitive qualities to prove he is not like other men.
This is death for me as I've always imagined (and hoped!) that these very things would be endearing, not repelling, and are my natural inclinations. My love language if you will, is giving and exchanging, of soul and kindnesses, in short. Can you then corroborate whether the above list actually is the case in most women's perception? I very much appreciate your sincerity.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,042,100 times
Reputation: 9418
Trying to find the problem here. It's only a problem if you're looking for the bad-girl type and expecting to be treated as you treat women. It's all in your choices. Did I understand your dilemma?
This is for women only - a sincere question for all you ladies out there. I've been surfing the 'net looking for dating tips as I am soon to be single. I do get that one has to be interesting and in charge of one's own life, as I am, but. To my dismay, I found a derogatory term that seems to describe my heart too well - AFC, or, Average Frustrated Chump. It seems women are not interested in the following, and I quote:
Other typical traits and behaviors of the AFC include but are not limited to:
~An unprecedented ability to forgive a woman for hurtful and/or malicious acts.
~An unusual level of trust that fails to keep gullable behavior in check.
~The act of providing expensive or romantic gifts too readily and/or prematurely.
~The act of performing favors even when he feels he is being taken advantage of.
~The view that the majority of men are heartless dogs who chase women for sexual purposes only.
~An eagerness to display his romantic, chivalrous and sensitive qualities to prove he is not like other men.
This is death for me as I've always imagined (and hoped!) that these very things would be endearing, not repelling, and are my natural inclinations. My love language if you will, is giving and exchanging, of soul and kindnesses, in short. Can you then corroborate whether the above list actually is the case in most women's perception? I very much appreciate your sincerity.
Overall most of those qualities sound nice and endearing, but most of these things can lose their meaning when done too often and if done in the extreme you can just wear the object of your affection out.
OP, why can't you just be yourself instead of relying on the 'net to tell you how you should or shouldn't be? How did you get by in life and getting into relationships BEFORE finding "dating tips" on the 'net?
These characteristics will be fine if you can attract sweet girls who don't take advantage of guys. If you approach girls who can sniff these traits out a mile away, you'll end up getting used and just perpetuating your own stereotype.
This is for women only - a sincere question for all you ladies out there. I've been surfing the 'net looking for dating tips as I am soon to be single. I do get that one has to be interesting and in charge of one's own life, as I am, but. To my dismay, I found a derogatory term that seems to describe my heart too well - AFC, or, Average Frustrated Chump. It seems women are not interested in the following, and I quote:
Other typical traits and behaviors of the AFC include but are not limited to:
~An unprecedented ability to forgive a woman for hurtful and/or malicious acts.
~An unusual level of trust that fails to keep gullable behavior in check.
~The act of providing expensive or romantic gifts too readily and/or prematurely.
~The act of performing favors even when he feels he is being taken advantage of.
~The view that the majority of men are heartless dogs who chase women for sexual purposes only.
~An eagerness to display his romantic, chivalrous and sensitive qualities to prove he is not like other men.
This is death for me as I've always imagined (and hoped!) that these very things would be endearing, not repelling, and are my natural inclinations. My love language if you will, is giving and exchanging, of soul and kindnesses, in short. Can you then corroborate whether the above list actually is the case in most women's perception? I very much appreciate your sincerity.
As a woman, I find that list to be representative of a man who may be a doormat, or someone without a spine. You shouldn't have to prove yourself, nor should you be willing to tolerate poor behaviour from a woman, and just be her "yes man".
As a woman, I find that list to be representative of a man who may be a doormat, or someone without a spine. You shouldn't have to prove yourself, nor should you be willing to tolerate poor behaviour from a woman, and just be her "yes man".
Yes, that is what I was thinking too.
You should not approach a relationship with a woman as a potential checklist of things to do or not do. Each person is unique, and the dynamic when they are with you will be unique too. No online tips for dating will help. It could end up being insulting, like if I didn't really like flowers but you gave me flowers every time you picked me up, saying, "But the experts say women love flowers!!"
It's fine to show affection and do caring things that remind a person you love them. But don't do it in a way that looks like you took a checklist our of your back pocket and said, "Ok, third date. Time to give her roses."
The fact that you referred to your "love language" is a red flag to me and makes me think you've read a few too many self-help books.
Just TRUST YOURSELF and BE yourself. Listen to the woman, and don't be too eager to go through whatever arbitrary steps to romance you may have read online. ESPECIALLY any forums that mention "pick up artists."
This is for women only - a sincere question for all you ladies out there. I've been surfing the 'net looking for dating tips as I am soon to be single. I do get that one has to be interesting and in charge of one's own life, as I am, but. To my dismay, I found a derogatory term that seems to describe my heart too well - AFC, or, Average Frustrated Chump. It seems women are not interested in the following, and I quote:
Other typical traits and behaviors of the AFC include but are not limited to:
~An unprecedented ability to forgive a woman for hurtful and/or malicious acts.
~An unusual level of trust that fails to keep gullable behavior in check.
~The act of providing expensive or romantic gifts too readily and/or prematurely.
~The act of performing favors even when he feels he is being taken advantage of.
~The view that the majority of men are heartless dogs who chase women for sexual purposes only.
~An eagerness to display his romantic, chivalrous and sensitive qualities to prove he is not like other men.
This is death for me as I've always imagined (and hoped!) that these very things would be endearing, not repelling, and are my natural inclinations. My love language if you will, is giving and exchanging, of soul and kindnesses, in short. Can you then corroborate whether the above list actually is the case in most women's perception? I very much appreciate your sincerity.
Definitely a doormat. You need to ease up and gain some self respect. I don't care how sweet or nice a girl is, she will lose respect for you if you act this way. You'll either get taken advantage of, get a mercy break up, or get f'd over and treated like crap until they feel like finishing you off. Get single, look in the mirror, and start dating again when you see an awesome man.
Its all about balance.......if a girl were to say to you after the second date "I want a baby, I want to be married"! How would that make you feel? It smells of desperation and instability.
So, a man being OTT kind, smells of RAT. A sad, lonely, desperate rat....and that is just not appealing. We want to be loved as women, not any port in a storm.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,042,100 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun
Overall most of those qualities sound nice and endearing, but most of these things can lose their meaning when done too often and if done in the extreme you can just wear the object of your affection out.
"Everything in Moderation"
Not necessarily. My guy is forever surprising me, doing things for me for no special reason, and I appreciate him so much. He appreciates every little thing I do for him and shows it. It makes it such a pleasure to do things for him. He often tells me, "It's so nice to do things for you because no matter how small it seems to me, you act like it was a big deal". It really is to me. If someone appreciates you, no need to hold back if you want to spoil them. It's wonderful to have someone to spoil.
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It's only a problem if you're looking for the bad-girl type and expecting to be treated as you treat women. It's all in your choices. Did I understand your dilemma? 
