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Old 09-09-2007, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,603 posts, read 39,654,137 times
Reputation: 14881

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You divorced because he wanted children and you did not? How extreme.
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Old 09-09-2007, 05:25 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,002 posts, read 18,563,336 times
Reputation: 12352
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rance View Post
You divorced because he wanted children and you did not? How extreme.
Not really, if she made it clear she didn't want children. My cousin never had children - she dated this man for 10 years and he kept wanting to marry her and have children, she kept saying no to him. I can't believe he wasted 10 years with her when he knew where she stood on the issue. Thankfully he wised up and finally moved on - I ran into him in the grocery store a few years later, very happily married and proudly holding his baby in the checkout lane.

Last edited by MonaLisaVito; 09-09-2007 at 05:26 PM.. Reason: grammar and spelling
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Old 09-09-2007, 05:48 PM
 
4,610 posts, read 11,073,087 times
Reputation: 6832
We don't have children. But we do have lots of fuzzy kids!
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Old 09-09-2007, 05:49 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,603 posts, read 39,654,137 times
Reputation: 14881
So why even get married if only to get divorced over something so trivial. To me anyway. Why not snip the tubes? Or not even get married? Seems like a waste of both parties time and energy. Bummer for both individuals.
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Old 09-09-2007, 06:23 PM
 
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 6,449,560 times
Reputation: 2641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neesie View Post
"Neesie - I was defending KayKay's perspective because I get what she's saying - IMO it does hold water... not for you and not for everyone but it does for some people. "

Telling someone who's uncertain whether or not they want children to just go ahead and do it because you yourself love parenthood is wrong. Period. Just as it would be wrong for me to tell that same person to not have children because I'm happy without them.
Neesie. Sanctimonious much?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Neesie View Post
"I don't think you should define my life with made up words. It's silly."


Funny that this made-up word shows up in Wikipedia and gets 610,000 Google hits.
So what, don't apply it to me. It's getting old.
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Old 09-09-2007, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Oxygen Ln. AZ
9,319 posts, read 18,681,081 times
Reputation: 5764
With all the parents lately leaving their babies in hot cars to boil to death, I admire those who decide not to have children if they know their lives are far to busy or complicated. If you do not have time to give them 100%, get a puppy! Wait, no puppies either.
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Old 09-09-2007, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,603 posts, read 39,654,137 times
Reputation: 14881
It's true some don't deserve the children they have. What's worse there are people that would give an arm or a leg to have a child and can't. Pretty sad how that works out sometimes. I have nothing but kudo's for those that can and do adopt a child. I feel these folks will be blessed in the end for their efforts.
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Old 09-09-2007, 07:50 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,842,615 times
Reputation: 26919
I don't think the childfree couples are selfish. I have three children. Even wanting them with all my heart and soul, there have been moments, many of them, when I sat there and thought, What the heck ever made me think I could do this? I'm failing! And even loving them with all my heart, the clean-up detail and constant sibling rivalry, etc. and getting up all night long (the baby is 15 months old...the latest is teething pain...kicking in at least twice nightly, meaning the 1:00-4:00 AM stretch) have sometimes just made me just literally wish deep down that I could run away, at least temporarily.

So for someone who is on the fence about children, or someone who just flat-out doesn't want them, I can't even imagine how much worse it would be or how much more frequently those types of thoughts would come, and children know. Believe me, they know. You can wiggle your left eye funny for one eleventh of a second and they pick up on the emotion behind it. Abuse is one possibility in this situation, that's what everyone thinks of, but I think a much more common one is passive neglect, emotional neglect, because the parent just shuts down. So I think childfree couples are wise to know what they want from life and what they don't.

I've often felt that I as a parent am perhaps the more selfish one. It makes me feel guilty because I don't feel like I had a "good reason" to have children. Why did I have children, anyway? To have someone to love? Someone to cuddle? Somebody to teach new things to? Well, yeah, definitely, but in what way are those unselfish reasons...you know? Stick in the missing pronoun there. Someone for me to love. Someone for me to cuddle. I'm glad I have my children and I do love and cuddle them constantly. But geez, when I cut it down to size as to "reasons" it almost sounds like I'm talking about adopting a puppy. These are whole complete human beings who have to live the rest of their lives based on my personal decision to create something I could hug? So it is a very, very, very serious decision. The downside to all that cuddling and loving is 20 plus years of cleaning up after, parent/teacher conferences...not all of them good, in the case of my children, disabilities, fighting...very very emotional, very very physical and not a lot of sleep...so if one decides to have children...no, feeling you can't handle those things is not a selfish decision. It's a wise and compassionate one.
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Old 09-10-2007, 10:17 AM
 
Location: Arizona
26 posts, read 82,703 times
Reputation: 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rance View Post
You divorced because he wanted children and you did not? How extreme.

I said that was one reason. He was an alcoholic, which was the main reason. However, yes I would divorce someone if the alternative was having a child. There is no compromise on that issue.
I'd rather suffer for weeks or months over a breakup than suffer for years with a kid I didn't want.
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Old 09-10-2007, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Arizona
26 posts, read 82,703 times
Reputation: 40
Default Childless

"So what, don't apply it to me. It's getting old."


I'm not applying it to you, because you were not childfree. That's my point.
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