Why do taken women seem to like/love me, but single women avoid me like the plague? (dating, wife)
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First of all, let me tell you a little about myself.
I'm in my mid 20's. I have never had a "real" relationship. I have suffered anxiety/depression/social awkwardness my whole life.
I have always thought, since my early teens and probably before then, that I was ugly. In 3rd grade, I still remember, on valentines day, we passed around paper to everyone in the class, with each of our names at the top. Our assignment was to write one "GOOD" thing about that person, whose name was on the top, and pass it to the next person at the next desk. I remember reading all the so so "good" things about me... but the one that stuck out was the word "UGLY". Ever since then, I stopped believing my parents, when they said I was the "cutest" or most handsome, even my mom would say, "You were so cute when you combed your hair to the side, you should still do that".. I took that obviously as I wasn't handsome anymore.
My parents for like my first grade birthday present gave me "hooked on phonics" ... It was a humiliating experiencing for me. Even though they were probably looking for my best interests.. it made me feel different than everyone else. Like I as a person, was flawed, greatly.
Throughout my junior high and high-school years, I kept the notion that I was ugly and had speech impairment.. when in reality, looking back, I probably was not that different than the "popular" kids.
Now, that I've dropped out of college, and looking at old photos.. I realize that I was a damn "GREAT LOOKING KID" back in the day. I realized that back then, I only saw the negative in myself. And over exaggerated the vague negatives to my determent.
I think now, if only then I realized how handsome I was, if only I had the confidence then, I would be so successful and socially wealthy today.
B.c of the "hooked on phonics" and speech therapy that I was given as just an elementary school kid, I was HORRIFIED of talking in school.. thus I became very shy and scared of the teacher calling on me... to speak in front of the "whole" class, all throughout k-12 and college.
When in reality, my speech was not that bad in retrospect. I didn't have a lisp like some kids.. I just didn't always pronunciate the best...Which is really not that big of a deal.
I realize I've already gone off topic, but I felt I needed to share my deepest history. So please respond to that as well.
So, whenever I join up with friends and their girlfriends.. It seems as though a lot of times the girlfriends love me, and are attracted to me..
I think it's because of my anxiety.. in which I can just be myself in front of them... since their already taken women.. and I could never get with them, since I honor my friends to much to hook up with their women.
But if I'm ever at a bar, or house party, or the like.. I never attract any attractive single women. Probably b.c I have the anxiety, thus I can't be my real self, but heck.. b.c of the anxiety, it's like I don't know who I really am.
Most people talk about superfluous matters, that I really don't know what to say. My brain gets over complicated and used up, that I just go into shy mode. I am probably an introvert, that is seeking more close companions, male and female. But it's just so hard to find people that I would be compatible with in any social scene today.. like a bar, get together or the like.
And the biggest kicker of all is.. I don't even want to settle down. I see all the negatives of having a long term girlfriend or wife.. I see those boyfriends/husbands as giving up their dreams or real wants for their women.
I enjoy my free time and freedom greatly, but I know I need the "REAL" acceptance of females , intimately and friend wise...
But it seems as though you can't get that without being a "bad boy" or conforming to some "one" woman's wants..
I guess.. I probably just fear letting it all loose. Myself loose that is. For I fear group/big social interactions. I have always seen my friends get the girls in the end. Not that I'm jealous now.
But I just thirst for women "want" of me , as me.
One time, I had a very short fling in college. And the woman I was with said something like "(my name) is very good at basketball ", etc.. just like "elevating me" in conversation.
You know.. making me look better than I am.. like she was sticking up for me, and putting me on a pedestal as a great man.
That is the only real time I can remember a girl doing that for me.
Probably the reason that married men become more successful.. they have someone "cheering" them on in what they do.
I have lacked that my whole life. Except for when my parents have done it.. but even then.. it was just like it was their responsibility, instead of some human/"woman" doing it out of love and "belief" of me.
The spoken-for ladies feel safe because they know the situation
is not going anywhere... so they let their guard down and just be
themselves so don't misinterpret this as anything beyond casual.
The spoken-for ladies feel safe because they know the situation
is not going anywhere... so they let their guard down and just be
themselves so don't misinterpret this as anything beyond casual.
Right. And that's why they also feel they can safely fib in order to boost singles' confidence.
it sounds like you're not going to have much success with women in your circle of friends, so i would recommend expanding your horizons.
are you actually trying to pick up girls or are you just waiting to find one who shows interest in you without you actually putting any effort?
since casual sex as opposed to long term relationship seems to be your primary goal then hiring prostitutes would be the easiest solution. although just trying to pick up every attractive girl you encounter might be enough also.
Sounds like you have answered your own question. Your anxiety and your lack of confidence are getting in the way. If you want a woman to get to know the real you and social situations where singles meet, my best advice to you is to give a dating website a try. You can describe exactly who you are, what you are looking for and what you don't want in a woman and in a relationship. All without having to go through the anxiety of going to a bar to try and hook up. You never know unless you try. The best of luck to you.
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