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Old 02-29-2012, 01:49 PM
 
19,059 posts, read 23,798,651 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Don't need to...just talk to the divorced and widowed women you know, or observe them.
One of my best friends is divorced, one is separated, and one is married. My social circle includes the gamut. My mother was divorced for some 15 odd years as well as my aunt. My boss just got remarried, but she was divorced for years and, like the rest, there was no marginalization.

It may be common in your social circles and culture, but don't assume the nonsense that comprises your reality is all encompassing.
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Old 02-29-2012, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Minneapolis
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Not only do most couples tend to have a fairly equivalent set of "amenities", but these relationships tend to be the strongest ones.

If one partner is considerably more attractive than the other, there is an imbalance of power within that relationship; and the relationship is likely to fail ... from the insecurities of the less powerful partner and/or from the greater number of options available to the more powerful partner.
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Old 02-29-2012, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
People of equal attractiveness are attracted to each other initially but here is a study that says that relationships are better (i.e. happier and longer lasting) between couples where the woman is much better looking than the man.

Why Beautiful Women Marry Less Attractive Men | LiveScience
I think in some ways, the man needs to love (and need) the woman more. If the woman needs him more it doesn't really work out.
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
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I would be more interested in self-perceived attractiveness or self-esteem. I have met some pretty good looking guys (7-8) that didn't actually think they are as good looking as they are so they might date a little lower (6-7) on the "external" scale, but maybe the person they are with is also really confident so they would rank themselves higher.
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
like the rest, there was no marginalization.
Maybe marginalization is a strong word. However, I've seen threads where single moms, divorced moms, and/or widowed moms complain that married moms form "cliques" and keep them in a different "zone." Maybe this was coming from a suburb that was "Stepford" to a fault. But I have heard this.

But, back on track, toward "equality" in the realm of attraction.
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
I think in some ways, the man needs to love (and need) the woman more. If the woman needs him more it doesn't really work out.
I don't know of a really healthy person, male or female, who wants to be needed as opposed to being wanted. I think that most people who have been on their own for a while and are not desperate are even less needier.
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:16 PM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,975 posts, read 32,029,354 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Do you believe most couples are equally matched? 9-9,7-7,5-5?
No. Not really. There are a lot of women who rate 9-10 on the looks scale but married to men who are 4-5 on the looks scale. But usually, those 4-5 rated in looks men are 9-10 when it comes to money so I guess it kinda evens out.

Then, you have the lucky ones like myself who for some reason (other than having a great personality and being fun to be around) have always dated 8s, 9s and 10s in looks. ALWAYS. I am honestly probably around a 7 in looks (on a good day), but am a 10 in fun, a 10 in bed, a 10 in character/honesty/commitment and have a 9......uh....you know.

You will rarely see a man who looks a 9 or 10 with a woman who looks a 5-6. Well, Andy Garcia who was my neighbor when I lived in Toluca Lake, was at one time considered a good looking dude, but his wife was a friggin' Sasquatch. No kidding. She was/is (dont know if they are still married) very unattractive for a guy like him.
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:22 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
28,234 posts, read 33,940,672 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Maybe marginalization is a strong word. However, I've seen threads where single moms, divorced moms, and/or widowed moms complain that married moms form "cliques" and keep them in a different "zone." Maybe this was coming from a suburb that was "Stepford" to a fault. But I have heard this.

But, back on track, toward "equality" in the realm of attraction.
I think so. All of my married friends (male and female) went to the black hole! Seriously. I see them once every 4 months now. And the ones where we didn't quite make it to friend stage from acquaintance? Hahaha. I can think of at least 3 married couples that live 2 miles from me that I see once a year or less (and they are people I really like, we have a blast when we do get together).
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:27 PM
 
19,059 posts, read 23,798,651 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Maybe marginalization is a strong word. However, I've seen threads where single moms, divorced moms, and/or widowed moms complain that married moms form "cliques" and keep them in a different "zone." Maybe this was coming from a suburb that was "Stepford" to a fault. But I have heard this.
This sounds like high school. Is it just that all the grown ups live up here in Cambridge/Boston? Maybe I just lucked out? Any how, the fact that you're basing this on "threads" is telling. The internet is not an objective representation of the population. No more than the guests and audience at a Jerry Springer show, to note the TV references of late.

Quote:
But, back on track, toward "equality" in the realm of attraction.
Yes, back on track. I'm guessing that some reject the reality due to an unwillingness to take a personal inventory.
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:54 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 31,395,765 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
I think so. All of my married friends (male and female) went to the black hole! Seriously. I see them once every 4 months now. And the ones where we didn't quite make it to friend stage from acquaintance? Hahaha. I can think of at least 3 married couples that live 2 miles from me that I see once a year or less (and they are people I really like, we have a blast when we do get together).
Ditto. Most friends disappeared when they got married. BFD. Most of these people married "equals," very much so, come to think of it. LOL.

I had two friends that I knew from college and work, respectively, with whom I was good friends at the time. I would call and "check in" with them about ONCE a year. We'd have a conversation and I'd say "goodbye" or "talk to you later." Their ending line was "thanks for calling," said sincerely, but actually patronizing. These are not friends you want to keep.
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