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Old 02-27-2012, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Austin
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Just a question of timing. How long after getting involved in a relationship, on average, do you decide to introduce your kids to your new partner? Also, as the one to be introduced, how long do you feel is a comfortable amount of time before that subject comes up?
Is there an amount of time you feel is too long?
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Old 02-27-2012, 08:19 AM
 
Location: USA
1,816 posts, read 2,467,402 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redvelvet709 View Post
Just a question of timing. How long after getting involved in a relationship, on average, do you decide to introduce your kids to your new partner? Also, as the one to be introduced, how long do you feel is a comfortable amount of time before that subject comes up?
Is there an amount of time you feel is too long?

That's a tricky question. My last BF had an 8 year old son. He NEVER mentioned introducing me to the son. Gave reasons such as the son would tell the ex and she would take it out on the son that daddy now had a GF, blah, blah, blah. We dated about 4 months so I didn't think anything of not meeting the son. I felt four months was too soon.

THEN I find out that the prior GF he had, he took the son over to her house all the time -- starting from the first few weeks they were dating. Sooooo, since I was considered chopped liver, I ended the relationship.
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Old 02-27-2012, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Austin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle View Post
That's a tricky question. My last BF had an 8 year old son. He NEVER mentioned introducing me to the son. Gave reasons such as the son would tell the ex and she would take it out on the son that daddy now had a GF, blah, blah, blah. We dated about 4 months so I didn't think anything of not meeting the son. I felt four months was too soon.

THEN I find out that the prior GF he had, he took the son over to her house all the time -- starting from the first few weeks they were dating. Sooooo, since I was considered chopped liver, I ended the relationship.
Wow, that must have felt really bad, I am sorry.
I know my relationship is just a month old. The trust needs to be established both ways, but since he has her on alternate weekends, that just means there is a lot of time we won't be seeing each other, and it makes it hard to maintain and grow the relationship with all that space in between.
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Old 02-27-2012, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Earth
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I wouldn't introduce children into the mix until you know where the relationshiop is going. My ex husband constantly introduces women to our children and my girls start to get attached to the new girlfriend and then she is gone. It just confuses them. He dates many women and it would be better if he waited a substantial amount before he brings the children into it. But alas, he does what he does.

For me personally, I waited a month before I introduced my children to my partner. I felt confident enough that we would still be together the following month. (We've been together 3 1/2) years
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Old 02-27-2012, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Austin
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Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
I wouldn't introduce children into the mix until you know where the relationshiop is going. My ex husband constantly introduces women to our children and my girls start to get attached to the new girlfriend and then she is gone. It just confuses them. He dates many women and it would be better if he waited a substantial amount before he brings the children into it. But alas, he does what he does.

For me personally, I waited a month before I introduced my children to my partner. I felt confident enough that we would still be together the following month. (We've been together 3 1/2) years

I suppose it depends on the individulas involved. I date one person at a time, as does the man I am currently dating. We have the same goal in mind, to marry one more time in life. I guess time will tell. But I hear you-if the man is not serious, why is he introducing these women to his child?
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Old 02-27-2012, 09:40 AM
 
6,499 posts, read 10,930,425 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle View Post
That's a tricky question. My last BF had an 8 year old son. He NEVER mentioned introducing me to the son. Gave reasons such as the son would tell the ex and she would take it out on the son that daddy now had a GF, blah, blah, blah. We dated about 4 months so I didn't think anything of not meeting the son. I felt four months was too soon.

THEN I find out that the prior GF he had, he took the son over to her house all the time -- starting from the first few weeks they were dating. Sooooo, since I was considered chopped liver, I ended the relationship.
No, you weren't considered chopped liver. It's obvious he learned how the ex would react when he dated the prior girlfriend. He didn't want to repeat the mistake when he dated you.

How coud you miss this?
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Old 02-27-2012, 09:40 AM
 
28,900 posts, read 50,235,343 times
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Children get very confused if there is a man/woman du jour in their lives. Be kind of them and wait until you know this is something of permanence. And be sure that the person you're dating is aware of this as well.
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Old 02-27-2012, 09:45 AM
 
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
No, you weren't considered chopped liver. It's obvious he learned how the ex would react when he dated the prior girlfriend. He didn't want to repeat the mistake when he dated you.

How coud you miss this?

I didn't miss anything. It was all a lie and an excuse. Obviously he wasn't that "in" to me.
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Old 02-27-2012, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Austin
2,163 posts, read 3,133,432 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle View Post
I didn't miss anything. It was all a lie and an excuse. Obviously he wasn't that "in" to me.

Are you a parent also?
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:17 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 17,363,485 times
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I wouldn't want to introduce a child to a partner before I knew it was a serious relationship with a chance of lasting. I would want to know the person I was dating very well. Therefore, it may be hard for me to give a specific timeframe, only because it would depend on how quickly I got to know and feel comfortable with the person (how frequent we could date, talk, etc).

I would also want to be confident of their intent. I would need to feel they would be comfortable and accepting that I had a child, and willing to be involved to some extent in the child's life.

They would have to be patient, understanding the child comes first early in the relationship as well.

It would definately have to be the right person. I certainly would not want to expose a child to numerous partners.

(This is also dependent of the age of the child too... as age brings different levels of understanding and ease or difficulty for the new partner to integrate and bond a little with the child).
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