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Yes, the comment that one co-worker made was quite insensitive. Sounds like you work in an office with a little gang of chatty bullies. You know, they hang out in packs and hide behind that to say basically whatever they think of, regardless of how it will affect you.
You COULD turn it around on that one girl with a little joke, like, "Well, you're just the kind of girl to change my mind!" and make it a running gag.
Of course, she'd probably turn you in for sexual harrassment.
Be who you are. It's hard, and you do spend a lot of time with co-workers. But remember that they are not your whole life.
You decide that!
We have a lot of female workers in the office environment. Lot of gossiping gonig on and I am not into that. I am a very outgoing guy and usually smiling and I like to talk about just about any topic but sensitive ones at work. When I talk about others, its always positive about their work ethics and how awesome they are.
"Well, you're just the kind of girl to change my mind!" <<-- What does that mean? Sorry I am lost. Change my mind with what? To ask her out?
If I do make a comeback, then people may think I am arrogant also.
I am not worried about not having a girl friend but its the others that don't agree when I tell them something.
I am well aware of a woman that does not want kids or have one but I will never lose hope because I am an optimist.
Aren't majority of 30+ men married with children? Or have been married at some point?
I rather be single all my life then settle for less and be miserable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sydney1987
Go a little general on the subject and see if you feel better.
For example,
I'm 34, don't have a girl. I have very specific things I'm looking for. It's hard to find a girl who doesn't want kids or doesn't have kids. Everyone is judging me.
Go general.
There are a lot of 30+ year old men who are also single.
I am in no hurry to settle down. There is still time.
I don't need all of the women in the world to be single, without kids, and not want any kids. All it takes is one.
Surely in a planet of 6 billion people, there will be ONE girl who will be my match and whose ideals will align with mine.
All it takes is one. And with 6 billion people, I am sure that there is one who will cross paths with me. It is only a matter of time.
I don't have to figure it all out now. I can enjoy my life in the present, until my partner gets here.
feel better? the thoughts you choose to think dictate the life you live and the experience that you have
Your co-workers are the least likely people to stay in your life, because jobs change. And even if you did stay there for the long haul, you'd eventually retire!
I know it's really hard to do, but tune 'em right out. Do you have a large support network outside of work? If not, forge new friendships. Join Meet-Up groups or a running/rowing/kayaking/wine tasing club or whatever is to your fancy. Also, some cities have No Kidding! groups that meet regularly — you can meet singles and couples with no kids and no desire to have them.
Some co-workers work together 8-12 hours a day for 30+ years. That is some serious bonding.
Easier said than done but don't let the idgits get to you OP. If you are confident in your choice and who you are it really shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. Just remember that THEY are the ignorant ones asking the stupid questions.
And yes, that girl was rude. You should have responded "the feeling is mutual"...would have left her speechless I'm sure.
How come married folks with children are not picked on? What do you men by 'the feeling is mutual'. Between her and me?
I am not worried about not having a girl friend but its the others that don't agree when I tell them something.
I am well aware of a woman that does not want kids or have one but I will never lose hope because I am an optimist.
Aren't majority of 30+ men married with children? Or have been married at some point?
I rather be single all my life then settle for less and be miserable.
I read the title of the thread and didn't know what the deal was. Now I get it. If you wonder why you are getting this flack while other single guys may not be is because you may have it more together, possibly in education, appearance, personality, and the others single guys do not.
I was in a similar situation. I joined a firm where being a single male was just NOT cool. I think that, when they hired me, they assumed I was divorced and had a kid or two stashed away somewhere. It took about 6 to 8 months before their culture sank in. I just have left, but didn't want a short tenure on my resume. There were some other single, not married men, but one was a "paraprofessional" that was 5'8" and about 300 pounds, as well as others with similar demographics. On the other hand, I was HWP, clean cut,* educated and knew how to talk to clients and consultants. NOT ENOUGH. It got to the point "oh, why don't you take (name of one woman or another at work) to the Christmas party?" (the corporate prom, I guess) I didn't say anything but it was because I didn't want to.
*clean cut - one day I was leaving work and a parking attendant on the street I was walking on asked me "how did stocks do today?" I told him "I'm not in that business" (not even close)
I know times are tough right now and I don't know where you reside. If it's not an issue with management and you are viewed favorably by them, it's probably worth trying to figure out how to handle it - that is, compile these responses and others. If it's a cultural thing in your organization, could your options consider a change? If it's just a bunch of gossipy admin. asst. types pulling this $h!t, they must have "small lives" and strive to see yourself as the bigger person.
I would just be professional and most importantly be yourself. Quite frankly I don't give a rats rear what anyone thinks of me. Some people (professionally) have called me aloof or unapproachable. Others think my dry sarcasm is biting at times. Other people think I'm a pretty decent, hardworking guy..
Point is I'm not out to really please or p*ss on anyone. I try not to let anyone's opinion, especially negative, get in the way of my career or my personality. I don't change for anyone (but my wife, that is )
Just be yourself. My brother-in-law just found Mrs. Right. He's 42. It happens, all when it's supposed to.
How come married folks with children are not picked on? What do you men by 'the feeling is mutual'. Between her and me?
When she said "I don't have kids and I don't want to be with you" that's when you should have said "the feeling is mutual".
She will only perceive it how she intented it towards you and then that is on HER. If she intended it as an insult then you are giving it right back to her in her own words.
As for married folks with children not getting picked on...have you ever been married with children?
I can bet you I get just as many comments on our choice to have a large-ish family (4 kids). I've heard it all:
"don't you know how those babies are made?"
"don't you know what birth control is?"
"are they all yours?"
"do they all have the same dad"?
"were you trying to have a (fill in the sport) team?"
"better you than me"
"you are either crazy or a saint"
"was he/she an accident?"
"were they all planned?"
We also get countless comments on collecting welfare services and how their tax dollars are feeding my kids (which is not the case...we can afford to live very comfortably)
.....and on and on and on. Perfect strangers have asked or said these things to me thinking it is their business.
What it boils down to, is that some people are nosey and they think they are being clever. They think they are the first one to think of their snarky comments and really, it's just ignorance. It comes in all shapes and sizes and doesn't discriminate.
Eh they can think all they want. People judge me all the time at work. And I just think they are bored with their own life so they have to worry about mine.
Life happens as you go.
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