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“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. From my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.”
-Jimmy Soul, 1963
Every red-blooded boy dreams of growing up and marrying an attractive woman. As we grow into red-blooded men, those dreams don’t change much. For some of us our goals regarding marriage itself evolve (or in my case, disappear), but the broader dream of snagging the most attractive women on the market stays intact for just about every guy.
The draws of an attractive woman are many. By simple human nature and evolutionary biology, our eyes are drawn to them first. For most of us, being intimate with an attractive woman triggers a much more intense sexual arousal, everything else being equal. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly of all, having one on your arm is a surefire way to launch your social standing into the stratosphere. Everyone looks up to the guy who is cracking a dime-piece.
But are guys who achieve our universal boyhood dream of tying the knot with the hottest girl in the room sacrificing a lifetime of happiness for occasional physical pleasure and bragging rights?
I’ve been single all 29 of my years. In that time I’ve experienced a lot of women, and those women have spanned a wide gamut when it comes to physical attractiveness. Non-discrimination has long been my practice when it comes to hook-ups. I fondly refer to the light switch in my bedroom as “the great equalizer.” I would be lying, however, if I told you that my more attractive conquests never inspired a more spirited victory dance the next morning.
Back in college when I would bed an 8 or a 9 (the elusive 10’s always managed to slip from my grasp), I would encourage them to stay long enough to have breakfast in the morning. Sometimes I downright begged. Ostensibly I was just being a gentleman, but in reality I wanted to make sure my roommates got a look at what was naked in my bed the night before.
My less attractive attainments, I’m almost ashamed to say now, were ushered out the door before anyone else in the apartment was awake.
With 30 just around the corner, most of the guys I spent the last decade chasing dimes with are becoming real adults. Every other entry in my Facebook news feed is either a picture of an engagement ring or an ultrasound. While I have no desire to join their ranks, this shift in social dynamic has inspired me to look back through the women in my past (the ones I can remember, at least) and think about what I would look for were I ever to get into the whole “monogamy” thing.
What I found was eye-opening. There is pretty much a straight-line inverse relationship between how physically attractive my former flames were and how good of a mate I think they would make.
I’ll go a step further and say I’d rather go snorkeling at a sewage treatment plant than spend the rest of my life with any of the eye-candy of my past.
The reasons why less attractive women make better life partners haven’t been difficult for me to wrap my brain around. Hot women know we feel lucky to be with them, and they act accordingly. Most of the ones I’ve known have acted like I should feel privileged to wait on them hand and foot. They want to call the shots all the time because in their minds, I’m lucky just to have them around. Why wouldn’t you be thrilled to skip poker night and go watch “The Vow” with me? Can’t you see how hot I am?!? Guys always feel honored to be in my presence, even if it’s watching a terrible movie based on a terrible book by a terrible author! What’s wrong with you?
That’s the other problem with the hottest ones. If you won’t put up with their crap, there are a million other guys who will, and they know that. Not only do they know it, they let YOU know it every chance they get.
With less attractive women, the roles are reversed. If you’re a decent looking guy, well-educated, in shape, with good conversational skills and at least an average sized tool, they feel like they’ve died and gone to heaven when they earn your attention. Their life mission becomes to please you and keep you around. The less attractive the girls I’ve been with were, the more like a king they treated me.
There was one I had a fling with in the summer of 2008 who had a somewhat cute face but about 40 extra pounds on her. She would come over and clean for me at least twice a week, though I never asked once. The only thing she wanted in return? For ME to let HER give me oral sex. You think you could get that kind of arrangement from Megan Fox?
Another one came from a wealthy family, but she had a double chin and small breasts. Her arms were a little hairy too, and not just the standard acceptable female peach fuzz. I can’t remember a time she came over without bearing gifts, even though the span of our relationship covered no holidays or birthdays. The best looking girl I ever dated never gave me a damn thing except a headache, though she got mad at me for making it to the one-month mark without buying her flowers or jewelry.
The history of my dating life is chock full of such contrasts. The finest women were fulfilling to the eyes, the least fine fulfilling to the heart. (Aside: You’ll never again hear me say anything that gay on this message board. If you do, please come through my monitor and knock me out.) Even the sex was way better with the less attractive women. They wouldn’t dream, for example, of receiving oral and not reciprocating. Women who are hot and know it, on the other hand, don’t feel the need to reciprocate because in their minds, just going down on them should give a guy all the pleasure he needs.
The most stunning realization I’ve made during my introspection on this topic is that most of the women I’ve hooked up with who weren’t blessed in the realm of physical beauty weren’t better partners only because they felt they had to be to keep me around. If they were, obviously they failed, because here I am still single. I got to know a lot of them pretty well, some of them I still keep in touch with, and the truth is that on the inside -- they are more attractive people.
When you go through life without being constantly fawned over for something as superficial as your outward appearance, you develop inward qualities to compensate, and those qualities begin to emanate outward to those who take the time to get to know you. Realizing this honestly makes me feel bad about all the women I have known over the years who were beautiful people on the inside, that I used for sex but had too much pride to let my friends see me with.
As soon as I’m ready for a meaningful relationship, those are the girls I’m calling first -- assuming they haven't already been snatched up by other guys who were smart enough to learn what I'm just now learning.
Until then, it looks like I’ve found a good reason to use only hot girls for sex!
As you say your 29 now look up those 8 or 9 women from your college days. Here's something I learned about looks and women. No matter how good they may look today the looks don't last. All of the 9's and 10's I knew just as you mentioned thought the world owed them something.
The body is basically a shell and just because what looks good outside may not be good inside. That being said as a man I am part superficial. It's very easy for a man to have sex with a body and care less about the person inside. Yes ladies i know that's wrong but that's the way it is.
So when looking for a long term relationship I say just make sure you find someone who will be there if you get sick. Looks are great but looks go away..
No, less attractive women do not make better long-term partners.
This is your experience OP. The only correlation I can see is how hot a girl is and how you treat her.
"Hot women know we feel lucky to be with them, and they act accordingly" The only way a hot woman knows you feel lucky to be with her is if you act that way. Don't put her on such a pedestal and you will get to see the woman underneath it all.
It was a long post, but worth the read, IMO. You make some good points, I believe, and it caused me to search my own memory and consider all the different women I've known over the years. My experience with actual relationships of any sort is minuscule, but over the years I've known a ton of girls and women. But my experience has been a little different. The really hot women I've known were never ones I'd even consider marrying. But neither were the un-hot ones. I guess they would (and did) make fine wives for someone, but not for me.
Everyone looks up to the guy who is cracking a dime-piece.
Is that right? Gives your ego a shot to get with a "dime piece" doesn't it.
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Originally Posted by Pimpy
I would be lying, however, if I told you that my more attractive conquests never inspired a more spirited victory dance the next morning.
Yes, an ego shot. I hope you realize you bed beautiful women for an ego boost.
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Originally Posted by Pimpy
...but in reality I wanted to make sure my roommates got a look at what was naked in my bed the night before.
That confirms it. Women are reduced to how they make you feel and how well they can impress the men around you and make them jealous. You, are a user.
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Originally Posted by Pimpy
My less attractive attainments, I’m almost ashamed to say now, were ushered out the door before anyone else in the apartment was awake.
Exactly, what's the point of having your roommates see the average looking ones? There's no ego gratification in that.
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Originally Posted by Pimpy
There is pretty much a straight-line inverse relationship between how physically attractive my former flames were and how good of a mate I think they would make.
I'd say there's a straight line starting at the top of a ladder with a downward trending arrow with relation to what kind of a mate you'd make.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pimpy
I’ll go a step further and say I’d rather go snorkeling at a sewage treatment plant than spend the rest of my life with any of the eye-candy of my past.
I'll bet 90% of the "eye candy" you bedded back in the day, are in successful relationships today. Because of your superficial treatment of women, you're in the position you deserve today. You reap what you sow.
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Originally Posted by Pimpy
The reasons why less attractive women make better life partners haven’t been difficult for me to wrap my brain around. Hot women know we feel lucky to be with them, and they act accordingly.
Oh, is that your "opinion" or it it a fact? That hot women know you feel lucky to be with them? I think it's your frail ego talking again. You got your self esteem from the women you bedded. You sound like the type of guy who reads body language and nonverbal signals incorrectly.
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Originally Posted by Pimpy
That’s the other problem with the hottest ones. If you won’t put up with their crap, there are a million other guys who will, and they know that. Not only do they know it, they let YOU know it every chance they get.
Yeah that's probably true, a hot woman doesn't have to put up with a man's crap. But to be honest, the ugly ones don't either. If all women would spend more time with their legs closed than open they'd rethink that roll in the hay with vapid egocentric men. Especially since it does nothing but stroke the man's ego. Imagine if women wouldn't put out until they've know the guy for 3 months? Guys would have to do a 180 and change direction. Not only that, they'd have to treat every woman like a priceless gem because the promise of sex wouldn't be in the picture for months down the line, and if he screws around and messes up, he'd have to put in all that time and work with a new female just to get a piece. Men would be on their best gentlemanly behavior and not treat women like sex objects and female dogs if sex was a little more scarce.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pimpy
With less attractive women, the roles are reversed. If you’re a decent looking guy, well-educated, in shape, with good conversational skills and at least an average sized tool, they feel like they’ve died and gone to heaven when they earn your attention. Their life mission becomes to please you and keep you around. The less attractive the girls I’ve been with were, the more like a king they treated me.
Yes, self esteem is a very frail thing for some women, ugly and gorgeous. They'll treat the biggest dog like a king just to get some attention. No doubt those women weren't raised with a strong male father figure in their lives, because if they had been, their Daddy would have given them the confidence to steer clear of the male players, flakes, users and men like you.
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Originally Posted by Pimpy
Another one came from a wealthy family, but she had a double chin and small breasts. Her arms were a little hairy too, and not just the standard acceptable female peach fuzz.
Standard acceptable female peach fuzz. Kinda critical aren't you? But that's o.k., that's just a typical response from a male who has reduced women to their body parts. Men who respect women forgive us for our flaws. I hope you learn to respect women. But judging from the long trail of tears leading from your bedroom, you never learned to respect women
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Originally Posted by Pimpy
They wouldn’t dream, for example, of receiving oral and not reciprocating. Women who are hot and know it, on the other hand, don’t feel the need to reciprocate because in their minds, just going down on them should give a guy all the pleasure he needs.
Generalize much? Maybe they just didn't like you enough, and figured why should I waste my time? I see, if a female is eager to give you oral that means she's being accommodating? But a woman who won't you just assume it's because she's too good looking and arrogant to give a man pleasure? How immature of you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pimpy
When you go through life without being constantly fawned over for something as superficial as your outward appearance, you develop inward qualities to compensate, and those qualities begin to emanate outward to those who take the time to get to know you. Realizing this honestly makes me feel bad about all the women I have known over the years who were beautiful people on the inside, that I used for sex but had too much pride to let my friends see me with.
Actually, you're the superficial one. And you never learned how to develop any inward qualities for any woman worth anything to want to get to know you.
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Originally Posted by Pimpy
Until then, it looks like I’ve found a good reason to use only hot girls for sex!
Yes, that seems to be working out for you so well.
Both partners should feel equal in their relationship. How can a relationship work when one partner feels the other is so much more attractive than they are that they constantly feel they have to do them favors and bring presents to keep them? A woman who comes over and cleans for no reason or brings you presents every visit is just pathetic...have some self respect. No man or woman is so good looking the other person should be worshipping at their feet.
I think I'm above average in attractiveness though definitely not a super model knock out. I'd rather date a nice average looking guy than some jerk Abercrombie model who thinks he's doing me a favor by letting me date him. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder too. I once dated a guy I wouldn't have given a second look to, but as I got to know him and fall for him he became the most handsome man in the world to me.
All I got from your post was that hot girls don't treat you well enough, so you have decided less attractive girls make better partners--because they are more likely to clean for you, bring you presents and beg to give you oral sex. Also, they feel grateful all of the time because you have lowered your standards to be with them.
You know there are actual people inside those bodies, right?
I can assure you that women 30 and over--even the unattractive ones--can see right through your preening facade to the ugliness on the inside, and will want no part of it.
I just don't have it in me to do more than skim the OP. Some more attractive women will make great partners, some won't. Some less attractive women will be bad SOs and some will be amazing.
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