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No, my wife needs to have her own thing going outside of the home. I don't want to get caught in a position where she's completely dependent, or if it doesn't work out feel like I'd hang on to it just because she couldn't find a job.
The "ladies of leisure" thread got me thinking about the breadwinner husbands in the deal where they work to support the entire family and the wife stays home to raise kids and tend to the home.
I didn't grow up in an environment where this was common and grew up thinking both parents were supposed to work and when I was older and heard of the SAHM concept, I thought it was odd; to have one parent work and pay for everything. I've since opened up and better understand but I still wonder sometimes if the husband ever feels some resentment from having to shoulder the full financial burden. I know I'm the breadwinner in the family (as well as the chief financial officer) and I don't care for it. I don't like the pressure of knowing that without my paycheck, we would not have a home.
So for the men, if you earned enough to support an entire family, would you prefer your wife to stay home? What about when the kids are school-aged? Are there any men who would prefer their wives to work and help with finances?
Just curious.
Well, it really depends on how much I make. If I were a CEO making millions per year, then it doesn't make sense for my wife to work making peanuts compared to my salary.
My husband, and most driven men like him, would not be working less if I worked. Instead we'd be fighting over whose job is going to suffer in order to accomplish XYZ for the kids.
On the other hand, I do agree that it's best for boys to have a good male role model. My husband spends loads of time with his kids on the weekend and alternates the bed time routine with me (he doesn't get home early enough to do much else). From him, my children will learn the value of working hard. From us, they'll learn that husbands and wives are partners and they make decisions that are best for the family as a whole.
Well thats wonderful but these are not things IMO that defines acting like a man or require instruction from a man. What your describing is something all children would benefit from and can be taught by either or both parents.
My dad taught me to ride a bike, the names of trees and flowers, how to plant a garden, how to tie a hook and clean a fish, how to pitch a tent and build a fire. So does that make me an acting man?
Drawing from my experience, I agree generally men dont work less if their wife works and it is generally the mother that picks up the slack of XYX.
When you think about it, the "hands-on dad" style of parenting is relatively recent. There were many generations of men who learned how to get on in life from the women who raised and taught them.
Some man lessons that are best taught by fathers to their boys are:
How to respect and treat women.
How to command, not demand, respect.
How to shave and take care of appearance.
The value of "coming correct" to work.
Not necessarily. Especially the first one. I think boys grow up respecting their mother if their mothers are respectful. Respect comes more naturally than disrespect. I think some men actually teach boys to disrespect women by their actions and words. It dosent take a man to teach anyone to command respect.
Ok you got me on the shaving part. As some here know Im not a fan. None the less both my boys know how to shave and practice personal hygiene.
I like a wife that does what she wants.In my case it was one who wanted to work outside the home and did so very successfully. One thing I like about her chocie was that knew if something happened to me that she would be fine and as well off fiancially.I am sure that women love the fact that they are not as saying use to be one divorce away form poverty also. I think some men can not actually stand that fact in relationship
Another question I have is for households in which the husband works so the wife can pursue her passions and interests, what about his passions and interests (assuming that work does not fulfill this)? What does the husband get out of this situation if he works to benefit her lifestyle?
The ability to say he does just that?
Are you referring to childcare and taking care of the house as "passions and interests?"
Anyway, I'm sure it's the same as it is when women give up their careers so their husbands can pursue their interests. I don't think both people can be so selfish if the relationship is going to work. One of my good friends became a foreign service officer and when I went to her goodbye party before she shipped off, I met lots of couples in which either the husband or the wife were becoming an officer and the other spouse was just supportive and happy for the new adventure. They didn't seem to resent their spouse. Wives talked about their plans to focus on the home and their children. Husbands talked about their plans to learn the local language and volunteer. Since she knew everyone much better than I did, my friend gave me an insight into what a great job and the life back in her hometown one of the wives gave up to follow her husband as he pursued his dream and she was still excited about the move. He'd given up opportunities for promotion in the past so that she could stay in her town and do whatever it was she did for a living (i forgot). But from what I've seen, successful couples compromise and make it work.
Again, I agree, I just don't think the stereotype of a woman "sitting around eating bon bons all day" is actually very common at all.
Most women work, whether they are getting a paycheck for it or not.
All these stereotypes wear me out. There are millions of things to do all day around your home to keep it running efficiently. The problem is with the women who are lazy and take advantage, not with the women who have energy and direction to make and keep a great home.
Gardening, cooking, etc, running ALL the errands, these things are not indicative of a lazy woman.
And they are all valuable.
I don't agree that a woman should be exprected to work outside AND inside the home with not the same equal help in the home from the husband. But this is what happens often. She ends up doing both jobs. The husband can come home from his daily grind and stop working, but she comes home, throws in a load of laundry and starts dinner.
It might have happened but I have yet to hear of any man leaving a woman who was a great cook. looks tend to go with age but a good cook only becomes a better cook. For the stay at home spouse it the 2F's. Feed him and _____ him.. That man isn't going anywhere because he's going to rush home for one or the other. As for the kids most men like to be met at the door by the crumb snatchers.
I have always said...sex and fried chicken. If women who stayed at home were more attantive to their men in these regards, then the men might not mind so much.
Another question I have is for households in which the husband works so the wife can pursue her passions and interests, what about his passions and interests (assuming that work does not fulfill this)? What does the husband get out of this situation if he works to benefit her lifestyle. The ability to say he does just that?
I wonder the same. Putting the shoe on the other foot I would not be good with financially supporting a husband so that he could pursue interests, travel, play golf, etc. while I worked. Even if I were making lots and lots of money I would begin to feel resentful. I could however enjoy a more mutualistic symbiotic relationship as the breadwinner.
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None the less both my boys know how to shave and practice personal hygiene.
