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We met in 9th grade and started dating our senior year. Now I'm 20, he's 19 and we just had a baby girl a month ago. We've been engaged for about 6 months now and he really wants to just be married already. But I don't know if I want to marry him or even be with him at all. Since I've been pregnant I've seen a new side of him that i'm not sure I like. He's been pushy about certain things, he doesn't seem to think about other people, he doesn't think before he talks, and he doesn't seem to really care about me, especially since the baby. He and i don't live together so the days that he is here I've felt majorly depressed. I don't eat when hes around. I know it gets so bad that im suicidal but I'll never act on it, I have my little girl that needs me and I'll never leave her like that. But he comes over and doesn't really help too much, I know theres not much since Im breastfeeding, but I'd still appreciate some help. I know I can ask him and I do sometimes, but it feels like asking is bothering him and he gets annoyed with me asking, this might just be my depression thinking but it realily feels like it. At night when i have to get up to feed her I just sit on my bed to do it and he wakes up every time and starts taking over my side of the bed. I've told him so many times that he needs to not do that and sleep on his side, but he won't listen. He comes over as often as he can but its not to see its too see the baby. He didn't put in this much effort to see me when i was pregnant or before that. And when i talk to him he doesn't seem interested or he finds a way to make the topic about himself or something he saw or whatever and isn't really related. I don't talk much and never did when we're in person cause he has so much to say about what hes doing. We hardly text now either. I try to talk about something in text like how my day was or something interesting that happened because he asked and just says cool and nothing else. Sometimes he makes me feel like a child and insists i'm wrong on certain things that I'm really sure about and that is something I can't stand because my ex abused me that way and he knows all about that. He and my ex were friends before I came along. And my fiance was involved in helping me come to terms with breaking up with him. I dunno if this disinterest comes with the fact that we haven't been intimate really since i got pregnant. Before that we were pretty active and hes a very sexual person, always making innuendos and such. Now I just dont really have a drive and we were cut off after giving birth for six weeks. Maybe he just really liked me for my body? He was all about love and caring for me then, and now it seems like he's trying to keep that up but he just doesn't and he's failing.
I've gone on a while, i'm sorry, I'm just having doubts about being with him anymore. And maybe this is a delusion made up by my depression and anxiety but I dunno. I'd really appreciate any advice.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 13 days ago)
35,641 posts, read 18,001,275 times
Reputation: 50687
I'm concerned about your depression.
This is too early for full-blown post partum depression - and nearly all women get "baby blues", which is a less serious form of depression that will likely subside within a few weeks.
This is too early for full-blown post partum depression - and nearly all women get "baby blues", which is a less serious form of depression that will likely subside within a few weeks.
Have you mentioned this to your doctor?
No, I haven't. I've had suicidal thoughts before I was pregnant. I was in therapy before, after my ex, and I've been diagnosed with depressive moods and mixed anxiety. But they deemed me well enough to not need it anymore. I dont really see much reason to do it since I'd just be put back in therapy and I cant afford to. I dont have time and I dont have a liscence or a car so I'd have to rely on my mon bringing me and we both work full time and that would just take time away from her and it would cost money that I dont want my parents to spend on me
He gets "annoyed" when you ask for help with HIS baby?
I think you are a little too timid. You need to lay down some ground rules. NOW IS THE TIME. The habits you set in your relationship now, will be in place for the rest of your lives. It seems like part of how you feel is insecurity in the relationship.
To me, you have two choices:
- Have a talk about your expectations for him. (Why doesn't he live with you?) Make sure he understands he has responsibilities in raising the child too. If he doesn't want to do this, he can get out and stay out. And mean it. If he takes this option, you're better off without him anyway.
- Continue bending over backwards trying to make him happy - and making yourself miserable in the process. However, if you take this option, you will certainly be on this board five years from now saying, "We have three kids together. He nothing to help. I'm at the end of my rope!"
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,003,083 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyDude
No, I haven't. I've had suicidal thoughts before I was pregnant. I was in therapy before, after my ex, and I've been diagnosed with depressive moods and mixed anxiety. But they deemed me well enough to not need it anymore. I dont really see much reason to do it since I'd just be put back in therapy and I cant afford to. I dont have time and I dont have a liscence or a car so I'd have to rely on my mon bringing me and we both work full time and that would just take time away from her and it would cost money that I dont want my parents to spend on me
He gets "annoyed" when you ask for help with HIS baby?
I think you are a little too timid. You need to lay down some ground rules. NOW IS THE TIME. The habits you set in your relationship now, will be in place for the rest of your lives. It seems like part of how you feel is insecurity in the relationship.
To me, you have two choices:
- Have a talk about your expectations for him. (Why doesn't he live with you?) Make sure he understands he has responsibilities in raising the child too. If he doesn't want to do this, he can get out and stay out. And mean it. If he takes this option, you're better off without him anyway.
- Continue bending over backwards trying to make him happy - and making yourself miserable in the process. However, if you take this option, you will certainly be on this board five years from now saying, "We have three kids together. He nothing to help. I'm at the end of my rope!"
He doesnt live with me because I live with my parents still and my parents dont want him living in the house.
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