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Well, I will say this about this question -- as well as any hypothetical question. The answers we give are mostly useless because no one knows how they will truly behave when thrust into this situation. Nor do they know how they will hold up over the constant pressure of providing for their SO. We speak to the kind of person we think we'd be, when the actual person we become might be something entirely different.
Well, I will say this about this question -- as well as any hypothetical question. The answers we give are mostly useless because no one knows how they will truly behave when thrust into this situation. Nor do they know how they will hold up over the constant pressure of providing for their SO. We speak to the kind of person we think we'd be, when the actual person we become might be something entirely different.
Likewise, sometimes the disability changes someone's personality. I remember watching a program about veterans and their spouses coping with this. Sometimes the change was organic and permanent, like with a traumatic brain injury. Sometimes it was the result of anger or depression over loss of limb. Quite a few people, vets or not, push their spouses away, even if they don't mean to. Just that with vets, it's often compounded by the horrors they've seen. War itself changes a person. Add a life-altering injury to that, and all of the other issues with not necessarily getting the right kind of support and care from the country you sacrificed for, and it can mess you up pretty badly. Breaks my heart to think of it.
I cannot imagine myself leaving my husband if something happened to him. He's my world. But we're not spring chickens anymore, so I know that I couldn't do it all by myself. I cannot lift him. Also, I would have to see about getting a driver's license for the first time in my life. Needless to say, there would be some big changes (besides the obvious).
I'd worry about dealing with him emotionally, because I know ~ I just know ~ that he would withdraw into a very angry shell for sometime. We each know how the other feels about being disabled. It wouldn't be pretty but I would do my best.
Likewise, sometimes the disability changes someone's personality. I remember watching a program about veterans and their spouses coping with this. Sometimes the change was organic and permanent, like with a traumatic brain injury. Sometimes it was the result of anger or depression over loss of limb. Quite a few people, vets or not, push their spouses away, even if they don't mean to. Just that with vets, it's often compounded by the horrors they've seen. War itself changes a person. Add a life-altering injury to that, and all of the other issues with not necessarily getting the right kind of support and care from the country you sacrificed for, and it can mess you up pretty badly. Breaks my heart to think of it.
True. MrsCPG has a friend whose type-A husband was in a bad motorcycle wreck. Had Stan not been wearing a helmet, he would have died outright. As it stood, he was touch and go for weeks and was in rehab for months.
His personality completely and utterly changed. He went from Type A to a personality so low-key that potheads might have looked at him and thought, "Wow, total slacker." He still had the same intelligence and didn't evince outright signs of depression, but his personality changed irrevocably. It took her a long, long time to adjust to this new husband of hers.
The reason it came up with me and my friends, is it is happening... to me. I will never leave him. I love him and that's for better or worse, and we've even moved our wedding date up sooner, alot sooner. So I can speak from experience. yes, it's tough, especially when I'm dealing with my elderly parents as well, and I am an only child.
His disability is non-life threatening, but, it is life-changing, as he can't work, but is managing his pain best he can. No accident, just a scenario where, life happens.
I will stand beside him, we will see this thru. I never had a doubt we will make it, although I think at first he did...he doesn't now.
Each day is a new challenge, and before my feet hit the floor, I ask the Good Lord for help, and he's never failed me, so, yes, I rely on my faith. And we rely on each other.
Likewise, sometimes the disability changes someone's personality. I remember watching a program about veterans and their spouses coping with this. Sometimes the change was organic and permanent, like with a traumatic brain injury. Sometimes it was the result of anger or depression over loss of limb. Quite a few people, vets or not, push their spouses away, even if they don't mean to. Just that with vets, it's often compounded by the horrors they've seen. War itself changes a person. Add a life-altering injury to that, and all of the other issues with not necessarily getting the right kind of support and care from the country you sacrificed for, and it can mess you up pretty badly. Breaks my heart to think of it.
This happen to myself and my husband. I caught a virus on our honeymoon that practically damaged a part of my brain that controls the central nervous system and within two weeks I wasn't even able to get out of bed (we had JUST turned 22 been together since we were 17) I had lost my job at the state attorneys office, I did nothing but practically live at hospitals and doctors. My husband was pushing 80 hours to support us..
Fast foward 8 years we are now almost 30... Im still sick, was able to hold very short jobs here and there but nothing solid, still going to doctors (under care of Mayo Clinic 8 hours from my house). My husband doesn't have to work 80 hours a week anymore but he never left me, never complained ONCE about what had to be done (god love him cause I spent many days in bed crying as to why i was so sick) I had/and still have such guilt over this happening ,esp literally right as we got married. I couldn't pay the bills, or help with anything. I thought my god I've ruined his life he'll never be able to buy a house without two incomes or a nice car he wants, go on vacations etc. BUT we had each other, that was a lot. There were some years in our early 20's where the best we could do for Christmas was a bottle of nail polish and shoe shiner. We made it work though.
I'm chronic but things are better now, his job is better we can make it just fine now on his income and I can be a stay at home mom and give my daughter all the things she needs, what more can one ask for. He makes it a point to say daily he loves me and that he loves his life and that he doesn't regret one min.. As he says "I made a vow for better or worse, sickness and in health I just wish you didn't have to endure the latter" . We have a pretty good life considering what has transpired and if you marry someone you take the punches and roll with em.
We've been through that - 8 years of chronic pain and fatigue, a couple of years of barely being able to walk, on disability, unable to work except a little housework, but otherwise pretty functional. Fortunately, we found a treatment that finally eliminated most of the symptoms, though some damage was permanent. Nothing changed between us and we always had our great relatioship to sustain us both - I just had a little more to do. She felt badly about it, as she's a very motivated person who likes to be productive and helpful. Now, she is again.
Do what is necessary of course. What else would one do? I make a good income, we are responsible with money, have never extended ourselves, and have money in savings and investments.
I agree with this.
Depending on the circumstances involved the dynamics of our marriage may change, but I would take care of him for the rest of his life.
The reason it came up with me and my friends, is it is happening... to me. I will never leave him. I love him and that's for better or worse, and we've even moved our wedding date up sooner, alot sooner. So I can speak from experience. yes, it's tough, especially when I'm dealing with my elderly parents as well, and I am an only child.
His disability is non-life threatening, but, it is life-changing, as he can't work, but is managing his pain best he can. No accident, just a scenario where, life happens.
I will stand beside him, we will see this thru. I never had a doubt we will make it, although I think at first he did...he doesn't now.
Each day is a new challenge, and before my feet hit the floor, I ask the Good Lord for help, and he's never failed me, so, yes, I rely on my faith. And we rely on each other.
So many of us have been there honey - you hang in okay? Hugs to you
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