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Perhaps it is a wake up call of your own mortality???? IDK, not to downplay your feelings.
That was my first base/gut thought.
Maybe but I really went through the mortality thing when I turned 44. That's how old my mom was when she died. That was a rough birthday (mom died 3 days before her 44th birthday). This feels more like losing a friend but he wasn't a friend at least not for many years.
Maybe it's because he was just a few years older than me and someone I was very close with back in the day. Mom may have been young, but she wasn't in my generation. Could be.
I like Wmsn4Life's explanation and it seems very fitting (thanks, Wmsn, BTW!)
I also found out a guy I dated for years in high school had been murdered by his son - I hadn't seen him in well over 3 decades and it was like a blow to the stomach...and all of a sudden I was back in that place and time when we were happy and laughing, young, and with the promise of long lives in front of us. I kept up with the son's trial and was so sad to find that my friend's life had not turned out at all as any of us would have imagined. And that was the hard part - reconciling who this boy-man became as opposed to the young man I recall from many years ago.
Yes, that part of your life is gone and always has been...but much like a song or a scent, the memory is a powerful thing and truly not very logical. Mourn his passing as if it were a current event. Closing doors on the past is always so hard, but I think accepting this man's "butterfly effect" on your life may be of comfort to you....you might not have been who you are today except for this person - they profoundly impacted your life in some way and your reaction is directly proportional to that.
It seems like this gets harder as one ages. I am 57 years old and with the creation of the web, even though I have lived so many places and known so many people, I have the chance to reconnect with some. I could not figure out why Janine was not on Facebook since that would be her "venue" and I was thinking of moving back to the area. I found her name on a search engine and it said "Died 2006" and she was 56 years old at the time. This had to be a mistake! I searched the SSI index and it was not a mistake. This has been a couple of years ago and I still think of her, the plans she had for later in her life, etc. It is like you want to be able to reach out and grab their hand and bring them back. The younger the person, the harder it is and also the more kind and generous, the harder it is. It comes back to life not being fair. There are others to that I found out passed on to the other side early in their years and I don't think this has anything to do with the "it could have been me" or "my number will be coming up" that brings the heartbreak of their dreams cut short. Although it hurts, I would not want to be one of those people who have no compassion/empathy for others. I understand the loss that the OP felt.
I dated a guy for a while, and then we stopped seeing each other. A few years later I found out that he had killed himself! (Strangely enough, my brother and the guy's wife worked for the same company for a while; how random!) That freaked me out, especially because he had a huge network of friends and family whom he could have turned to. He didn't leave a note, or anything. The strangest part is that he reached out to me on Facebook, but I was going to bed at the time, so I didn't respond. I refuse to feel guilty (if he didn't even tell his wife how miserable he was, there's no way he would have shared that with me, a casual acquaintance by that point!), but it's still disconcerting.
I'm also sorry for your loss, OP. Something in our minds expects the people we knew way back when to live forever, and it's a huge shock when they don't.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Because when some people come into our lives they become a part of our lives. Even if they're only there for a short time, they leave their mark and will always be a part of you somehow. They were there for a reason. As long as you haven't forgotten them, you haven't lost them.
Every now and again, I google names of people I knew long ago. Yesterday, I googled the name of the guy I dated for year after I graduated from high school and got his obituary (He died in January). It's been over 33 years since I saw him last. Why do I feel like I've just lost someone?
That happened to me, too, a couple of years ago. I dated a girl in high school and we were inseparable. We never fought and it was just great being with her. She went to one college, I went to another and the whole relationship petered out. A couple of years ago, I learned she died of cancer and it just cut me to the quick. She had been a big part of my life and I always had a soft spot in my heart for her.
Every now and again, I google names of people I knew long ago. Yesterday, I googled the name of the guy I dated for year after I graduated from high school and got his obituary (He died in January). It's been over 33 years since I saw him last. Why do I feel like I've just lost someone?
It's strange...I know...I found out about the death of someone I had once trully cared for, a year and a half after their death....it'd been years since we'd seen each other....I too felt like I'd lost someone....I think it might have something to do with morning the loss of what "could" have been...that and the fact that you feel sad that you'll never get the chance to see them again, and let them know that you still think about them sometimes and wish them well.
I like Wmsn4Life's explanation and it seems very fitting (thanks, Wmsn, BTW!)
I also found out a guy I dated for years in high school had been murdered by his son - I hadn't seen him in well over 3 decades and it was like a blow to the stomach...and all of a sudden I was back in that place and time when we were happy and laughing, young, and with the promise of long lives in front of us. I kept up with the son's trial and was so sad to find that my friend's life had not turned out at all as any of us would have imagined. And that was the hard part - reconciling who this boy-man became as opposed to the young man I recall from many years ago.
Yes, that part of your life is gone and always has been...but much like a song or a scent, the memory is a powerful thing and truly not very logical. Mourn his passing as if it were a current event. Closing doors on the past is always so hard, but I think accepting this man's "butterfly effect" on your life may be of comfort to you....you might not have been who you are today except for this person - they profoundly impacted your life in some way and your reaction is directly proportional to that.
Peace to you.
Very nicely put.
This is, exactly, what I'm going through. I keep thinking about the past, when we were dating and happy. (I seem to skip the bad break up part ) I find myself wondering how his life played out. I don't know it if went as he wanted or not. I don't know how he died.
Everyone from our pasts has a contribution on who we are today. We don't think about it but they do. I can think of a few things that would be different if I'd never met him.
I guess I'll just remember and then let go. That's all I can do. I do wish I knew how his life played out though. I feel like a door has shut with no closure.
Every now and again, I google names of people I knew long ago. Yesterday, I googled the name of the guy I dated for year after I graduated from high school and got his obituary (He died in January). It's been over 33 years since I saw him last. Why do I feel like I've just lost someone?
Because you once loved him. Even though you could not make it work out with him, it's like your heart will always remember that feeling. Loving someone is not just a memory, when you leave, it remains a feeling filed away into a drawer. And though you no longer thought you cared , you will still remember how you used to feel when you loved him. Even if you no longer do.
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He didn't leave a note, or anything. The strangest part is that he reached out to me on Facebook, but I was going to bed at the time, so I didn't respond. I refuse to feel guilty (if he didn't even tell his wife how miserable he was, there's no way he would have shared that with me, a casual acquaintance by that point!), but it's still disconcerting.
) I find myself wondering how his life played out. I don't know it if went as he wanted or not. I don't know how he died.
