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It's good that you wrote a follow up post about his ADD problems and still not having any sex because it pretty much eliminates f***buddy situation.
However, it really looks like your bf has legitimate medical issues, issues that possibly will never be resolved. And it also sounds that you know this, and yet, you cannot get over it and it's making you very unhappy. In which case it really becomes a take it or leave it kind of situation. Your bf will never change, not because he's a horrible human being who doesn't care about you, he just can't do it no matter how much he wants to. So either you learn to accept his shortcomings and love him despite them, or you're going to have to break up with him.
Whoa, I am really surprised by all the "dump him" and "I wouldn't put up with that" responses here.
This is a guy who according to the OP has been like this since she met him. I reapeat, he has always been like this. It's not like they dated a while, and then he surprised her with this behavior.
Her choice is to either accept it and him for who and what he is...or not.
I don't think "he has to change" or "try to change him" are proper responses here. I am probably projecting a little here but WHY do women insist on taking a man they meet saying she loves him, and then goes about trying to change things about him?
It makes no sense to us guys AT ALL!
Please OP realize if you do try to "change him" he will resent you for trying to do so" whether you are successful or not. But then again maybe that's just me.
Whoa, I am really surprised by all the "dump him" and "I wouldn't put up with that" responses here.
This is a guy who according to the OP has been like this since she met him. I reapeat, he has always been like this. It's not like they dated a while, and then he surprised her with this behavior.
Her choice is to either accept it and him for who and what he is...or not.
I don't think "he has to change" or "try to change him" are proper responses here. I am probably projecting a little here but WHY do women insist on taking a man they meet saying she loves him, and then goes about trying to change things about him?
It makes no sense to us guys AT ALL!
Please OP realize if you do try to "change him" he will resent you for trying to do so" whether you are successful or not. But then again maybe that's just me.
First of all, "Dump him" and I wouldn't put up with that" responses are very different than "he has to change" or "try to change him".
Second, these are not habits or quirks we're talking about, this appears to me like disrespect. We can be who we are and be respectful or disrespectful. A relationship without respect is disfunctional. If the dude cannot learn to be respectful, the relationship should end, IMO.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,999,259 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by tafoyavision
Whoa, I am really surprised by all the "dump him" and "I wouldn't put up with that" responses here.....
.....I don't think "he has to change" or "try to change him" are proper responses here.
What's dump him got to do with changing him?
And so what if he was like that from the beginning but she decided it bothers her later? That's the good thing about dating vs marriage; if you decide you can't live with a certain trait someone you're dating has, you can walk without the hassle of an attorney.
First of all, "Dump him" and I wouldn't put up with that" responses are very different than "he has to change" or "try to change him".
Second, these are not habits or quirks we're talking about, this appears to me like disrespect. We can be who we are and be respectful or disrespectful. A relationship without respect is disfunctional. If the dude cannot learn to be respectful, the relationship should end, IMO.
No one should accept me being an a$$-hole.
Eastern, first of all, thanks for responding to me, I appreciate your comments, but I still retain my frame of mind on this topic.
The thing is, you call it disrespect. But it has already been established that it is NOT disresepect but a medical condition that afflicts millions of people called ADD.
Second, even if this is not the cause for his behavior, we do not know what else may be causing it. We are hearing one side of the story and so your "disrespect" argument goes out the window in my mind, remembering that basing decisions (and opinions) on partial information rarely works out.
And third, my main point still stands, that "this dude" has shown his spots to her whether disrespectful or not he has never hid it from her and she has all the information she needs to accept him or not for who he is.
Meeting someone and trying to impose who you think they "should" be?!?!?...............................That is the definition of disrepect to me.
First of all, "Dump him" and I wouldn't put up with that" responses are very different than "he has to change" or "try to change him".
Second, these are not habits or quirks we're talking about, this appears to me like disrespect. We can be who we are and be respectful or disrespectful. A relationship without respect is disfunctional. If the dude cannot learn to be respectful, the relationship should end, IMO.
No one should accept me being an a$$-hole.
It most certainly is a "quirk" of his. When I read the OP, I initially said he's got a "thing" for time. She said she has to be out by 10 so he keeps her on HER schedule. If she said "my time is flexible, sometime in the next 23.5 hours", then he'd remind her at 23 hours that it was getting close to time to leave.
He has a TIME thing. How does that relate to disrespect?
OP, my husband has a "time thing". He's OCD about it. If you say pick me up/meet me at 10 am, he will be there, waiting, at 9:50 knowing he is early. He will sit in the car down the block so as not to call to your attention he is waiting. Then, at exactly 9:57, he will drive up in front of your home and ring your bell at exactly 10. It is how he is. I know that when he tells me to be ready by x time, that I will be ready 10 minutes early and wait - PATIENTLY. This gives him time to make sure that I didn't forget something I was supposed to bring - like my wallet, car keys, etc. Then he is comfortable and relaxed and our adventure/excursion will begin calmly.
I had to go to the hospital for overnight test and he was instructed to pick me up at 6:30. It was Saturday morning. He was up at 5 am, saw the peasoup fog and left home at 5:35 for what is normally a 15 min trip that he adjusted in his head to 30 min and gave himself the 10 min be there ahead of 6:30 (just in case) and extra time for the fog. I was out of there at 6:15 and he was sitting in the lobby with 2 cups of coffee. That's one of the benefits of having a guy with a "time thing".
If you cannot learn to adjust, you will have problems throughout the entire relationship. He doesn't see it as his problem. He might try to tone it down but if it's a lifelong way of coping, don't expect much. It is a part of who he is: adjust now or move on.
Her choice is to either accept it and him for who and what he is...or not.
I don't think "he has to change" or "try to change him" are proper responses here.
You're correct. No sane woman would've accepted him in the first place, but we're discussing it after the fact, so the next best option is leaving him in the dust.
OP you need to figure out if you want to continue to stay with him. You know he has ADD. I'm not going to tell you to DUMP him, as others say or call him a jerk. He has issues. Either deal with his issues, work around them and accept him for who he is...
I bet many here don't have a clue what ADD is? And as you can see, many just skipped around through the thread...
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,999,259 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
You're correct. No sane woman would've accepted him in the first place, but we're discussing it after the fact, so the next best option is leaving him in the dust.
But it's never too late as long as you're breathing to come to your senses.
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