Is a Friends with Benefits relationship all that bad? (men, attracted, sex)
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Sounds like you have the right idea. These relationships work best when both people really care about each other, are not possessive, and understand the reasons why a committed relationship would be impossible between them. FWBs are perfect for people who have been married and divorced and just don't want to do the 'fall in love and live happily ever after' thing again
It's not always the women that have a hard time with the FWB.
One woman where I work had been divorced, she met a guy that she could laugh with and enjoy some fun times with and the sex was good. She had her own house that she had worked hard to have, he owned his own house and she figured it was the perfect set-up but then it was HE who started suggesting that she move into his house with him and she declined that saying she liked her house. So then he wanted to move into her house which was the last thing she wanted, she said she liked having her house to herself.
Then he accused her of just using him for sex and was hurt and angry, but it was he who took a good FWB and decided it should be something more serious.
I've seen it be the woman who ended up hurt, another co-worker was in college and living with a guy she thought of as a boyfriend, each paid half the bills, each bought their own groceries and labeled them with their names and borrowing was out. She referred to him as her boyfriend and when he finished college he moved out, got a real girlfriend and married her in 6 months, leaving his FWB crushed.
Especially if neither of us are interested in a relationship? We are both single, she hasn't dated in two years and neither I have. I know a FWB relationship gets a lot of criticism from some people, "due to it being strictly sexual". Sex is a good thing, and can be healthy for people under the right protection. This is the first time we are only having a Friends with Benefits relationship. Is it really all that bad? We both are on pretty good terms, good friends to an extent.
Sounds like me and my ex.
I didn't see her for about 2-3 years because she was out of the country. All my feelings for her totally faded away. When she got back into town, we hooked up and hung out for a while.
It was good because we could avoid the old dramas that we broke up over and still have fun and fool around.
That is the best case scenario (short of getting back together). I'm sure others have already given you the worst.
But unless you want to get back together with her (I didn't), you're just treading water.
Especially if neither of us are interested in a relationship? We are both single, she hasn't dated in two years and neither I have. I know a FWB relationship gets a lot of criticism from some people, "due to it being strictly sexual". Sex is a good thing, and can be healthy for people under the right protection. This is the first time we are only having a Friends with Benefits relationship. Is it really all that bad? We both are on pretty good terms, good friends to an extent.
My girlfriend and I are friends with benefits, the only addition being we "aren't allowed" to have romantic or sexual relations with others. Try thinking of it that way. Ask yourself, "What am I assuming is inherent in a committed, exclusive relationship that's so bad?" There may very well be a faulty assumption. For example, my girlfriend is not the "jealous type" (not that I'm attacking those who are). I can have female friends and text/talk with them on the phone all I want and she won't get mad - so long as I pay plenty of attention to her as well. But that's no different than a lot of plain friends! Friends are just as capable of getting jealous as bfs/gfs, believe me.
If you talk openly and honestly about what you want in a relationship, you can't go wrong. No one says your relationship has to be like anyone else's. Talk about the dos and don'ts. Same thing you were gonna do with your FWB relationship, right? See a pattern here? I don't think people who engage in Friends with Benefits relationships are saving themselves from anything, necessarily. In fact, some of them might be in a relationship and don't even realize it. Label's not important, only lifestyle and compatibility.
All that being said, do what you want (We all know you're gonna anyway!) Just meditate from time to time about your life, what you're doing, what you aren't doing, and where everything in your life is headed. That's the only advice I can give that you will (at least on some level) agree with.
Especially if neither of us are interested in a relationship? We are both single, she hasn't dated in two years and neither I have. I know a FWB relationship gets a lot of criticism from some people, "due to it being strictly sexual". Sex is a good thing, and can be healthy for people under the right protection. This is the first time we are only having a Friends with Benefits relationship. Is it really all that bad? We both are on pretty good terms, good friends to an extent.
It is not necessarily wrong per se.
Sometimes you just want a release. Sometimes circumstances in life put you in a situation where that's all you can get.
But as others have said, it's very tricky. Most times someone catches feelings and wants more than the original agreement. It's hard to predict how one would feel. Oxytocin also doesn't help
I agree with zentropa. My FWBs have been real friends, and the friendships have persisted years after we stopped the benefits. We were happy for each other when we did find someone who matched us romantically as well. The FWB served its purpose nicely for us both, and there was no unpleasant breakup, noone was hurt.
Indeed. I have had 6 of these over the past several years, going in and out of rotation depending on geography and other factors. Two are out permanently as they got married, another is temporarily on the bench due to health problems.
None of them out of the 6 were complicated by love. Maybe it is an age/maturity issue? All of us are over 40, and we see each other only a handful of times a year.
My FWBs and I go on dates, cuddle, spend the night... Because we are actually close friends who enjoy being physical. Of course this works because we don't see each other more than once every couple of months. No need. Busy lives and all.
But that's dating and not FWB? I wasn't close friends with mine first and we saw each other at least once or twice a week.
Personally I find all those labels confusing sometimes. Friends, FWB, dating, being in a relationship....?
It's great that so many people were able to maintain their friendships after the sex part was over and they didn't develop further feelings, but I think it's something to be aware of. You cannot predict feelings and emotions and it can get messy really fast and often does. I think you are the exception and not the norm when it comes to FWB.
IDK, FWB never seems to work out, or rarely, at least for me.
I either end up like her too much or she ends up liking me too much.
I did happen a few times where neither cared.
I'm a sappy dude.
I like women, some times too much....
YMMV
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Because we are actually close friends who enjoy being physical. Of course this works because we don't see each other more than once every couple of months. No need. Busy lives and all.
