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Onglet: maybe I am wrong but the tone of your statement suggests I am somehow pointing fingers. I am not doing that at all. Merely posing an opinion/philosophising based on reading and personal observation of others.
From watching old movies - I'd say yes, dating was simpler. Proper courtship, mutual respect and being polite.
If I had a time machine, I would be gone from this century.
Dewdrop: I understand that very well especially women differing from one another. However my point is that it should be simpler and without exacting rules or being labled as lacks confidence etc. simply because a person errs. I also believe that it should be straightforward, but not the same for everyone. Because if something is not straightforward it is by nature deceitful.
I disagree. Just because something is not straightforward - it doesn't mean it's deceitful. Life is not all black and white. Just because something is a little complex or complicated doesn't mean it's deceitful. I'm not sure what "exacting rules" you are talking about. I don't remember any rules when I was dating. Dating is hit and miss. You are going to have a lot of misses - but it's about finding that one hit.
Onglet: maybe I am wrong but the tone of your statement suggests I am somehow pointing fingers. I am not doing that at all. Merely posing an opinion/philosophising based on reading and personal observation of others.
The tone of my statement suggests that you trust me when I say you will never, never EVER have it easier than you do right now. Squander that if you want, or go out and give meeting women a shot. You have nothing to lose by trying.
[cut 1st 2 sentences] As you have seen in my previous posts I am attempting to change that. I have been reading many different websites to hopefully gain insights as to what prevents me from both approaching women and asking them out. Well What I found was confusing and made no sense. Some sites were even contradictory to other sites. It seems as if it is a game with too many rules and a man must make every move perfectly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rlrl
I have an unusual perception of your post. i noticed that the first 2 sentences and the last 2 sentences of your post were very direct and easy. however much of your content in between was very abstract and intellectualized.
I don't find this comment abstract or intellectualized at all. It points out a very common problem that most men face. Women will give them advice that it is easy, just be yourself, just talk to them, etc. etc. and what happens? He's ignored, avoided or dumped at the first opportunity.
There are a small number of men who can pull this off approach and women are thrilled when such men come up t them. However, it is not their approach that gets them to first base. They have something that women crave. Men who don't, need to be close to perfect or set their standards very low.
Dewdrop: I understand that very well especially women differing from one another. However my point is that it should be simpler and without exacting rules or being labled as lacks confidence etc. simply because a person errs. I also believe that it should be straightforward, but not the same for everyone. Because if something is not straightforward it is by nature deceitful.
But it's simple and straightforward already. Just be that way yourself, and don't approach women as if they have rules for this and that; some do, but others don't. You are making too much of it.
Jma500, when it comes to dating, you need to be a doer. And this is such an individual, personalized, idiosyncratic path, as has been suggested, it is about getting one hit among many, many misses. There is no looking at the misses to inquire how you may correct your approach but it is in finding the one match among many you do approach. This is why, like riding a bicycle, kissing a woman, or driving a manual speed vehicle up a winding mountain road, you have to throw the book away and be fully engaged.
Being in love and pursuing a relationship is not for poseurs or dilettantes (which you are not) nor is it for those who would seek to study it (which I will add here, you are not). This is one thing that will only work well when you can focus on the other exclusively; each and every day, an 'other' changes, just like you do. Interpersonal experiences are precarious, life altering, and after the fear is over, they are a whole lot of darned fun. That's why I can say, jump in, give it a try, and let us know. If you haven't enjoyed yourself, you have held back. No one can hold back if they want a relationship.
While it 'should' be simpler, it just isn't. I'm not aware of any rules, labels, or anything else - it's just hit or miss. There is great subtlety in understanding any living object interacting with their environment, which is not deceit. Go for it dude.
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