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Old 03-26-2012, 12:08 AM
 
66 posts, read 116,648 times
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Just found out bf's ex wife had put restraining order against him after divorce for 3 years, and renewed that order after 3 years. I asked him why did she do that he said after she filed for divorce and moved out of the house, he missed her and the kid so bad that he showed up to her house unannounced that's how he got it. As for why did she renew the order he said he doesn't know, she just did. Then added because they fight on court for child custody.

Is it a red flag that someone had restraining orders?

Some facts: bf never bad mouthed the ex. Talks about her like she's perfect. Eager to have a good relationship with her" for the daughter" , even want me to like the ex and keep a good relationship with her.

Isn't this odd?
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Old 03-26-2012, 12:12 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,078 posts, read 27,097,982 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ppsyout View Post
Is it a red flag that someone had restraining orders?

Some facts: bf never bad mouthed the ex. Talks about her like she's perfect. Eager to have a good relationship with her" for the daughter" , even want me to like the ex and keep a good relationship with her.

Isn't this odd?

From someone who's familiar with restraining orders, yes it is and a red flag.

Men who idolize and hold their partners on a pedestal can be as dangerous as an abuser. Think stalker.
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Old 03-26-2012, 12:18 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,711 posts, read 11,208,823 times
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My mom used to always tell me when you ask 2 divorced people their accounts of the marriage, 9 times out of 10 they will tell you stories that favor themselves....So in other words, take it with a grain of salt. You weren't present in that marriage to know 'who shot John.' Have you had any legal problems with him? Seen signs of violence? Sometimes lawyers tell clients to file restraining orders so that it will look good for their case to get custody, etc. Again, trying to untangle his previous marriage and divorce is a fool's errand, IMO. You will NEVER get the straight story.

With that said: He is probably no damn good and you're wasting your time with him.
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Old 03-26-2012, 12:29 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Not necessarily a gauge. Unfortunately many women don't find out theres a history until the first violent episode.

But, I definately agree she'll never get the straight story.

It's been 3 years though.... edit: Nevermind, I thought she said she's been with him 3 years! oops.

I still say she should get rid of him! He will probably turn out to be no good in the long run.
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Old 03-26-2012, 12:46 AM
 
66 posts, read 116,648 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
My mom used to always tell me when you ask 2 divorced people their accounts of the marriage, 9 times out of 10 they will tell you stories that favor themselves....So in other words, take it with a grain of salt. You weren't present in that marriage to know 'who shot John.' Have you had any legal problems with him? Seen signs of violence? Sometimes lawyers tell clients to file restraining orders so that it will look good for their case to get custody, etc. Again, trying to untangle his previous marriage and divorce is a fool's errand, IMO. You will NEVER get the straight story.

With that said: He is probably no damn good and you're wasting your time with him.
He never told the stories to favor himself though, as I said, he admits he was at fault for the divorce. Painting his ex as someone perfect.

I've never seen him being violent. I have been with him 2 years.
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Old 03-26-2012, 12:47 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,711 posts, read 11,208,823 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ppsyout View Post
He never told the stories to favor himself though, as I said, he admits he was at fault for the divorce. Painting his ex as someone perfect.

I've never seen him being violent. I have been with him 2 years.

2 years. Well I don't know what you're worried about that after all this time for. If you're not having any issues with him, what is the problem?
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Old 03-26-2012, 12:55 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
4,002 posts, read 8,491,071 times
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Not necessarily.

My ex wife was abusive, but when I started divorce proceedings she went right off the richter scale, she started engineering all sorts of situations, she claimed to her lawyer I'd been turning up at her door, following her, and consistently attempting to phone her.
The lawyer took out a restraining order.

In actual fact her claims couldn't be further from the truth.

A restraining order on it's own isn't necessarily a straight red flag, but a massive warning.
I guess we can all handle a break up differently, sometimes it can push us into depression and we may do things we wouldn't otherwise have done.
Perhaps he did harass her, but it was a desperate thing, I guess you'll never know.

Proceed with extreme caution I think, as for references to violence, remember, abuse doesn't have to be violent.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ppsyout View Post
Just found out bf's ex wife had put restraining order against him after divorce for 3 years, and renewed that order after 3 years. I asked him why did she do that he said after she filed for divorce and moved out of the house, he missed her and the kid so bad that he showed up to her house unannounced that's how he got it. As for why did she renew the order he said he doesn't know, she just did. Then added because they fight on court for child custody.

Is it a red flag that someone had restraining orders?

Some facts: bf never bad mouthed the ex. Talks about her like she's perfect. Eager to have a good relationship with her" for the daughter" , even want me to like the ex and keep a good relationship with her.

Isn't this odd?

Last edited by bobman; 03-26-2012 at 01:57 AM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 03-26-2012, 12:59 AM
 
66 posts, read 116,648 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes View Post
2 years. Well I don't know what you're worried about that after all this time for. If you're not having any issues with him, what is the problem?
I don't understand why his ex needed to renewed the restraining order while he's eager to have a good relationship with her. They've divorced for 3 years already when she renewed it. I'm worried if there's something behind it.
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Old 03-26-2012, 01:01 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,711 posts, read 11,208,823 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ppsyout View Post
I don't understand why his ex needed to renewed the restraining order while he's eager to have a good relationship with her. They've divorced for 3 years already when she renewed it. I'm worried if there's something behind it.

Ohhhhh okay, I see. Well some of these other people's have had experiences with it and say it's not a good sign I guess. gn
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Old 03-26-2012, 01:45 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,078 posts, read 27,097,982 times
Reputation: 18150
Is he over the EX?

Originally Posted by ppsyout
"I've been with my bf for almost 2 years. He's a divorced man with a 7 year old daughter.He divorced for 5 years already when I met him."

Hmmm....
Heres one discrepancy from the other thread.

You posted you've been with him for 2yrs and hes been divorced for 3.

Lets do the math, that means he was divorced for 1 yr upon meeting him.

I won't waste my time posting further, apparently honesty isn't something you do well.
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