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Good grief, is this thread still rolling along? You arent going to leave him, you know you arent. You thrive on the drama. It wont be over until one of you is dead.
Hoping Jenna is okay and that she gives us an update soon.....
Hi. Well, Sons exams are over. He had some big sporting events...so I had to hold things together for them.
They are done too.
H said to D last week "You are not nice" I was in the kitchen and heard D say back at her dad "I'm not nice am I?" I went in and said to H "Whats happening?" He said....."I told ................that You are not acting nice sometimes" D said "No you didn't, you said YOU are not nice". H again said he didn't say that.
I went off to work that night. When I came home....I asked D quietly if her dad had talked to her about what had been said...when I was at work. She said "Yes" but when I asked her what had been said. She said "Ask him". She said "You know the truth and I know the truth".
I think that he probably said "You know, if you cause trouble between me and your mum and we end up divorcing, your mum is going to end up working nights the rest of her life and we will never get this house done up and sold".
Anyway, since then....H been away fro 4 days working.....he came back yesterday.....confusingly. Daughter talking happily to him which does confuse me! But someone said that she is just acting how I act...talking to keep the peace, something she has learnt.
Well...............to cut a long story short. I am telling him tomorrow.
Yes Tomorrow. That the marriage is over. I will also be going for divorce ASAP.
He will try and put me off. I tried to finish things 3 weeks ago........he sat on the sette and said "You are breaking my heart....I love this family.....NO, NO, NO...PLEASE......" I backed down because he looked so desperate.
But, I have had time away -while he has been working- to think about things. And its never going to get any better. Yes. I know. I am a genius. Its always going to be like this.
He NEEDS me and LOVES ME like a MOTHER or a carer.
And when he said to D that YOU are not nice...well, that just confirmed that he is 1 - crafty (saying that to D when I was in the kitchen) 2 - disgraceful (because he knows what he SHOULD have said....that is..you are ACTING not nice, but he didn't he said YOU are not nice) and 3 - craftier still and emotional abusive to my D (using her love for me, to make her shut up....saying if her parents break up it will kill her mother)
OK, I am scared and no I don't like the drama. I keep hitting this wall. But tomorrow I go through it and its scary but I can do it.
Sorry to all those who are bored with it all.
This is for those who have helped me and hung in there for me. And its also for all those abused men and women who are treated like sh..t by those who should love them.
H may have changed, he may just be pretending, but its game over. I mean it.
jenna, please follow through and DO IT this time! For your daughter's sake, if not your own. Have your plan in place before you tell him. He may react ... badly. Good luck!
jenna, please follow through and DO IT this time! For your daughter's sake, if not your own. Have your plan in place before you tell him. He may react ... badly. Good luck!
OK. Will do.
Right now....D sitting on Settee with her D...he is showing her an interesting video on his playbook.....she is smiling at him and they seem to be getting on. This is just typical, the night before I tell him its over! Life is like that!
Trust is gone though. And this is about ME now. I stayed for so many reasons for so long. He can still see his children when we are divorced. But as far as I am concerned, right now he is playing loving Father...to keep me in my box. He is also talking about SPIRITUAL things...to get my ear up on the God issues...as he knows I am a Christian. Trust = zero. Love = zero. Pity = LOADS.
Great. And by plan, I mean the whole plan. Where you will live. Where will you get money. Make sure you have a friend who can provide emotional support. Line all this up BEFORE you tell him. It's really important. You know he's not going to just roll over & take it.
While I know many have been fed up with your on again/off again marriage, rest assured that you are not alone in taking so long to end things. We have a friend who took over 2 years before finally ending the marriage. That first year it was on again/off again, just as you've been doing. While her marriage wasn't abusive, she felt that he was another child wanting to be taken care of. He also gained the sympathy of her family, turning them against her. I don't know how many times we became fed up with her indecisiveness, deciding to remain silent on her actions. In the end, she is now divorced, ending a long journey.
Hopefully, yours will be ending soon. Expect the same arguments to be made and pressure from family. Keep in mind that staying together is showing your kids that it's okay for him to act anyway he wants, setting them up to repeat the cycle.
While I know many have been fed up with your on again/off again marriage, rest assured that you are not alone in taking so long to end things. We have a friend who took over 2 years before finally ending the marriage. That first year it was on again/off again, just as you've been doing. While her marriage wasn't abusive, she felt that he was another child wanting to be taken care of. He also gained the sympathy of her family, turning them against her. I don't know how many times we became fed up with her indecisiveness, deciding to remain silent on her actions. In the end, she is now divorced, ending a long journey.
Hopefully, yours will be ending soon. Expect the same arguments to be made and pressure from family. Keep in mind that staying together is showing your kids that it's okay for him to act anyway he wants, setting them up to repeat the cycle.
Why oh why is my D chatting happily away to her dad, seemingly getting on well?
Seems like a cosy family right now.....which makes what I have to do even more difficult!! Why couldn't my H be a bastard tonight? Why is he being so nice, kind.....humble, cooperative, helpful.....being good daddy mode with S and D?
Is this manipulation? Is he just trying to keep me here in my box? He is saying "Look I am getting on with D, I am helpful, I am useful, I am a good husband, I HAVE changed"
Just makes it all the more difficult!!
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