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Again, other people on here have been encouraging and told me the exact opposite of what you have. We've been dating for a month and get along very well. In your mind, how long must someone wait for sex if they want something serious? And is a serious relationship the key to having sex? Everyone's got their own view and no two are exactly alike.
I think you are picking and choosing the advice that's what you want to hear. Not that anyone in your position wouldn't...but hey. Everyone here is bound to have varied opinions.
I'm a little confused how you act like having sex with someone is a big deal that involves a serious relationship, but you're willing to jump in the sack after only 4 dates. 4 dates is not enough time to really really know someone enough for a serious relationship.
Sounds about right for ME, but everyone is different.
When are you guys gonna see each other again?
Sometime next week. It's basically once a week that we see each other and we're both busy this weekend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
I'm a little confused how you act like having sex with someone is a big deal that involves a serious relationship, but you're willing to jump in the sack after only 4 dates. 4 dates is not enough time to really really know someone enough for a serious relationship.
I totally understand that you'd want to hold off. Honestly, I have a lot of uncertainty about it but at the same time don't think forcing myself to hold off will affect whether or not we work well together. Every time we're together we have good conversation and joke around really well. It seems like we've got a great vibe, but we've yet to test our ability to actually work together as a couple. Then again, how the hell are we supposed to ever do that if that never happens?
The main point I'm getting at, though, is that I personally believe that if you're both looking for a long term relationship, and you decide to have sex, you should only date that one person until you split up (if that ultimately happens). Otherwise, it would be considered casual sex and it seems that neither she nor I are that type of person.
Then when? She and I both answered "3-5 dates" to the chemistry question of how many dates it would take to have sex with someone you really like, and I know we're both looking for something long term. In that regard, should we deliberately keep ourselves from having sex? This is a bit puzzling.
That's what I'm saying. If you're interested in a LTR, having sex after 3-5 dates is counterproductive. Sex too soon can keep a potential serious relationship from developing naturally and healthily (is that word?). It usually leads to exaggerated feelings that can blind you to non-sexual aspects of the relationship.
That's what I'm saying. If you're interested in a LTR, having sex after 3-5 dates is counterproductive. Sex too soon can keep a potential serious relationship from developing naturally and healthily (is that word?). It usually leads to exaggerated feelings that can blind you to non-sexual aspects of the relationship.
Plus, based on my friends' experiences, once they hop in bed, that's all they do for some time. Maybe more mature people don't do that, but it seems to happen a lot. Then instead of dating and really getting to know each other, dates consist of frenzied sex sessions. Then when the fog and novelty wears off, they realize they're not compatible on xyz.
Have the conversation. Maybe over dinner or even over the phone. I would say something like "the way we're going having sex would be the next step for us. I think it would be unfair to both of us if we were dating other people while being sexually intimate.". Then ask her what her thoughts are. You could say something like " I really like you and I would deactivate my account online"
Something along those lines. I would need to know where I stand with someone before taking the next step.
Sometime next week. It's basically once a week that we see each other and we're both busy this weekend.
I totally understand that you'd want to hold off. Honestly, I have a lot of uncertainty about it but at the same time don't think forcing myself to hold off will affect whether or not we work well together. Every time we're together we have good conversation and joke around really well. It seems like we've got a great vibe, but we've yet to test our ability to actually work together as a couple. Then again, how the hell are we supposed to ever do that if that never happens?
The main point I'm getting at, though, is that I personally believe that if you're both looking for a long term relationship, and you decide to have sex, you should only date that one person until you split up (if that ultimately happens). Otherwise, it would be considered casual sex and it seems that neither she nor I are that type of person.
Yeah, I see your point and I agree. And I suppose there's not really a set number of dates that's the perfect amount before having sex or becomming exclusive. I've dated guys after a couple months I didn't want to be exclusive with, and others I was ready after only a couple dates. I hope you're both on the same page and things work out for you. Dating is rough, it's great when you find someone and you both feel the same way about the relationship.
I don't expect you to take my advice since you already made up your mind, but you should not bring it up unless she does. It won't work if a woman is not that into you and you are pushy. It will seem pushy to her, is what I mean. And by the 5th date, you should of at least tried to have sex with her, this way you give her a chance to have her way with you if she wants it already, instead of making her wait forever because she might lose interest the longer you wait. This is from my own perspective with men.
My wife and I have been together over 6 years and never once had a conversation about being "exclusive." In fact, I have never had this conversation with any previous girlfriend except as a sort of joking "you aren't dating anyone else right?" months after the situation you are in (5th date) occurred.
In general it is best to avoid contrived, forced discussions about anything in a relationship. Just let it happen. Focus on enjoying your time together, having fun, building chemistry, not hitting the pause button to ask each other where in the movie you are. All it does is cause a loss of thought and overall makes the experience less enjoyable.
My wife and I have been together over 6 years and never once had a conversation about being "exclusive." In fact, I have never had this conversation with any previous girlfriend except as a sort of joking "you aren't dating anyone else right?" months after the situation you are in (5th date) occurred.
In general it is best to avoid contrived, forced discussions about anything in a relationship. Just let it happen. Focus on enjoying your time together, having fun, building chemistry, not hitting the pause button to ask each other where in the movie you are. All it does is cause a loss of thought and overall makes the experience less enjoyable.
I disagree. Even though this worked for you and others on here, you don't want to "assume" anything. I know I don't.
If I'm interested in something serious, then I need to know WHERE we stand.
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And I suppose there's not really a set number of dates that's the perfect amount before having sex or becomming exclusive. I've dated guys after a couple months I didn't want to be exclusive with, and others I was ready after only a couple dates. I hope you're both on the same page and things work out for you. Dating is rough, it's great when you find someone and you both feel the same way about the relationship.
