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You'd probably be surprised at the obviousness of the title if it weren't presented in the relationship forum. Yet, why shouldn't discriminating someone based on their race be classified as racism for dating?
The usual response is that having a relationship with someone requires innate attraction—attraction that may not form with members of a particular race. Therefore, people either consider that not racism or find it “justified”. But, I believe that's a ridiculous argument because the very act of not being able to find someone attractive just because of their race is defined as racism.
Another common response is that "people have their own preferences"... Well duh! That's exactly what racism is about. The fact that Whites didn't want to go to the same restaurants as Blacks due to their "preferences" didn't make their actions any less racist. Of course, now we all accept that as immoral and racist.
If you're going into a job interview and at the end, the interviewer says “Sorry, I can't just hire you because I don't work well with Whites (or add your own race)”, would you not sue him for racism? In this case, not being able to function with Whites is no defense for racism.
However, I'm not suggesting that we should date unattractive (even if that's just due to their race) people because it's perfectly legal to be racist during dating, and also attraction is quite essential for a relationship. My point is that we should all be honest and just admit that we're racist rather than trying to rationalize our behaviour in order to ignore the blatant racism.
I'll admit I'm a bit racist (I won't date one or two races) when it comes to dating. But, the first step to solving a problem is to admit its existence.
what president where you born under? i mean your "slang" is outdated, you gargon is type cast, and your racist terms are old fashioned. the real question here is why are you looking yourself at the outer apperance of a man or woman? people who fall in love based on race are themselves racist, even if they are white teenagers who only date dark or light skinned guys. and vise versa. then you have the character blind daters, these people no matter the age fall in love with personality and abilities rather than holding out and not allowing themselves to fall in love unless they discover the person's character or lack there of. then you have the daters that date everyone anyone, whether they are biased for a meal ticket that night, a free concert oppurtunity or a chance to show off and feed thier egos "i'm dating so and so arent they a ten" when it comes to dating you have all sorts of flaws in the way people seek to connect. if your focusing on race guess what? you are shallow!!! solve your problem within then find people who solved their within problems and maybe you can find love and stop looking for attention and realize what you have to give makes you know what you want to recieve, but if its not free its not love, and if you have a criterea that another person has to fit to be able to reach your heart. what kinda heart do you have? if you dont have a heart you can't join it to another and enjoy love no matter what your problems that you dont admit exist or you do admit exist. denial, it goes far beyond the nile river.
What I think is even stranger is how you continuously and selectively argue that black men are "color struck" "open to others" etc etc, but you refuse to acknowledge the fact that some of these very same non-black men (whom you are trying to 'recruit' them to) are "color struck" themselves, and harbor many of the same issues with black women, that you claim black men hold against black women. Instead you go into posting specially selected pics to defend non-black males and parrot this rhetoric to get them all worked about what black men are allegedly doing to them. It's like any ammo that they fire at their issue with men of other races--you take it and fire it right in the direction of black men. My question is why?
The base of your argument not only mimics what I've seen on these black female interracial blogging sites; but it's completely unnecessary and unfounded on this board and in this thread. This is why you and few of the other posters continue to go back and fourth with differing opinions about it. Because you continuously attempt to try to feed them something that they've never debated with you about in the first place.
If Nyanna, Doll Face and a few others continue to tell you that they are having problems being accepted due to their aesthetics, why do you repeatedly try to tell them that it's because they are "loyal" to black men? Forget the idea that I personally believe that it's patently false, but ask yourself as to what relevance does it even has in responding to them?
This is my stance/opinion: Black/African American women should feel free to date/have relationships with/marry whomever they wish. Many complain that it has been difficult to find what they want in a man and they are now 35, 40, 50 and have never been married. They desire to be wives and mothers. So if they can find what they want in a Black man, great, problem solved. If they aren't, they should keep their options open to non-Black men.
There is nothing nefarious about holding this opinion or even with my posting of pictures of couples. However, you seem to be fixated on "recruiting" sites and photos. FYI, if you read the "society pages" websites such as the New York Social Diary then you would also be aware of prominent non-Black man/BW couples from those types of sites. But it seems to me that you are continually projecting onto my posts things that I have not said, nor believe. So, that is your issue not mine.
Some of the posters have expressed that they believe that some of their physical attributes were making them less desireable on the dating market. I posted pictures of women with similar attributes to let them know that having dark skin is not the "kiss of death" in regards to finding love. For example, Halle Berry is a Black woman of lighter complexion and she has problems. But I guess it doesn't help that she's crazy, too.
The bottom line is that this is a "discussion" forum. People come here to exchange their experiences/advice/point of view/opinions to strangers. If someone offers me advice online that I think will benefit my life or situation, then I might take it. If not, I discard it. Not a big deal. I'm certain that the others on this forum do the same. I hardly think that I am "brainwashing" or "recruiting" Black women by posting about my experiences. And the implication that I am is pretty silly.
In the end, I hope that Nyanna, Doll Eyes and everyone else is able to find love with a good man (no matter his color/race/ethnicity) and have a love life that they want and deserve. If they are able to take a fraction of the advice of anyone posting and that makes the difference in their situation, then that's fantastic.
I don't see this where i live. And what is a hipster type white man? I'm not even familiar with men like that
REALLY? Where are you from?
I live in NYC. It is full of young men who live non-traditional lives, (i.e., artists, entrepreneurs, teachers, community workers) who aren't so defined by society's definitions of who they should date, because they are independent.
Check out the show, "How To Make it in America" to get an idea of what a hipster is.
I live in NYC. It is full of young men who live non-traditional lives, (i.e., artists, entrepreneurs, teachers, community workers) who aren't so defined by society's definitions of who they should date, because they are independent.
Check out the show, "How To Make it in America" to get an idea of what a hipster is.
they vary but yes, that's kind of their look. just do a google image search on hipsters nyc and see what you get. i'm not going to make sweeping generalizations about anyone.
That's not true. Don't feed into what you see in the media. It's all bs and hype.
There are people (some of your more hipster-type white men, in particular) who like very dark, very African-featured women, with full hips and thighs, and the love them deeply. I know a number who married such women. I see these pairings more than I see ones with fairer-skinned, angled featured, thin black women.
This is a popular pairing where I live. Not as popular as black men/non black women or asian women/white men. But getting more and more popular by the day.
I don't see this where i live. And what is a hipster type white man? I'm not even familiar with men like that
The preppier ones look something like this:
They think single speed bikes are the best transportation ever. They are usually coffee, beer or cocktail snobs. Their friends are into "old-school" hobbies like knitting, sewing, making jam. They like indie music.
Then there are these less preppy ones:
http://www.hipsterfashion.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/hipster-clothing.jpg (broken link)
They LOVE Portland and think it is a dream city to live in. Seattle is good as well. And the Mission District in SF or Williamsburg in Brooklyn. And now Oakland is also cool for hipsters to live in too now. Notice the glasses, mustaches and accessories. These are key hipster characteristics.
Being a hipster stems from having particular state of mind. That's all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by queensgrl
they vary but yes, that's kind of their look. just do a google image search on hipsters nyc and see what you get. i'm not going to make sweeping generalizations about anyone.
Insinuating that hipsters have a look contradicts the actual definition of a hipster.
If you choose to dress in vintage, androgynous, or bohemian looking clothing simply because you want to look different, then you are not a hipster. If anything, you are just a rebel, and there's nothing wrong with being a rebel, btw.
I don't either but I believe that's only part of the story. The other part, that people are unwilling to admit (or maybe it's a subconscious feeling because it is un-PC) is that they hold beliefs about how their spouse will be perceived by others, and that the selection of spouses of certain races is considered a "downgrade" that would subject them to scrutiny that they could avoid by not making that selection.
If a white man marries a black woman, his life will probably change, and there may be some discomfort associated with it that he's not used to.
Anyway, that was my experience. My presence set off some stuff that this man would not have experienced with a white woman on his arm.
When I posted this earlier, people had shocking reactions -- like this can't be happening today in our post-racial society. Yes, it is still here.
I completely agree.
As a result, non-Black M/BW couples tend to be more equal pairings as far as education, profession, socioeconomic status, overall values and this tends to make the couples more compatible in the long term. You normally would not see a non-Black man who is a doctor or lawyer paired up with a Black woman who is a cocktail waitress or customer service rep with only a high school diploma.
According to statistics and the US census, White wife/Black husband marriages show twice the divorce rate of White wife/White husband couples by the 10th year of marriage,whereas Black wife/White husband marriages are 44% less likely to end in divorce than White wife/White husband couples over the same period
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