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I've been looking on the Relationship forums for a while and i keep seeing this.
People that aren't allowed to see or get grief for seeing their opposite sex freinds from their new partners.
Why? If your in a relationship shouldn't it be based on trust? If you don't trust them to see their freinds don't have a relationship with them.
If your in a relationship and your partner doesn't want you to see your freinds then they don't trust you so end it.
It's a relationship, you haven't suddenly become 7yrs old and need to let your Mum choose your freinds.
What are your thoughts and why do people put up with it?
Um, I see this attitude as a huge warning sign that you are with an insecure, controlling person. These people don't often get better.
Remember, jealousy is about control...it's not about love.
Let them work their issues or baggage or unreasonable expectations on someone else.
You are their partner, not their child nor their captive. You are an adult person who can choose his/her own friends. Hopefully, if they picked you, it's because you are a discriminating person with good judgment. If you are not, then why the hell did they pick you?
Um, I see this attitude as a huge warning sign that you are with an insecure, controlling person. These people don't often get better.
Remember, jealousy is about control...it's not about love.
Let them work their issues or baggage or unreasonable expectations on someone else.
You are their partner, not their child nor their captive. You are an adult person who can choose his/her own friends. Hopefully, if they picked you, it's because you are a discriminating person with good judgment. If you are not, then why the hell did they pick you?
Its not about how discriminating or what good judgement the other person has. The more control you give them, the more entitled they feel. You wake up one day and realize you're completely isolated.
Control and jealousy don't think in rational terms.
Its not about how discriminating or what good judgement the other person has. The more control you give them, the more entitled they feel. You wake up one day and realize you're completely isolated.
Control and jealousy don't think in rational terms.
I mean that the person who is trying to keep you from other people should realize that you are a person who is trustworthy and discriminating. Otherwise, why did they pick you as a partner?
What is the point of being with someone if you can't trust them 100% in any situation?
I would never pick that person. Since I picked a person I can always trust, she can go do whatever she wants with whomever she wants...male, female, attractive, ugly, Canadian...whatever the hell.
I mean that the person who is trying to keep you from other people should realize that you are a person who is trustworthy and discriminating. Otherwise, why did they pick you as a partner?
What is the point of being with someone if you can't trust them 100% in any situation?
I would never pick that person. Since I picked a person I can always trust, she can go do whatever she wants with whomever she wants...male, female, attractive, ugly, Canadian...whatever the hell.
Yes, she can do whatever she wants....it won't be with the person in the OPs post, guaranteed.
This is for those that might be interested in the reason i've developed my views on this matter.
I've been a widower for 5 years and during the previous 15 years of marriage it didn't enter my mind to question her on her choice of male freinds and she was completely free to see who she wanted as i trusted her.
As far as i'm aware she never had any concerns about the female freinds i had, she certainly never voiced them if she did.
Many of the female freinds i had then i still have now and i'll happily say that some of them are very attractive but i'll also happily say that some of my male freinds are very good looking too. I've not felt the urge to try and go to bed with anyone from either of the two sexes that i think of as a 'freind.
I'm moving from the UK to the US in May and with luck and a following wind i might start dating, i certainly hope to make freinds. Maybe i was spoiled before with the level of trust i was shown and was able to give but there is no way that anyone will dictate to me who i can and cannot socialise with, like i've said before, i'm not 7yrs old. Thankyou for your time.
I've been looking on the Relationship forums for a while and i keep seeing this.
People that aren't allowed to see or get grief for seeing their opposite sex freinds from their new partners.
Why? If your in a relationship shouldn't it be based on trust? If you don't trust them to see their freinds don't have a relationship with them.
If your in a relationship and your partner doesn't want you to see your freinds then they don't trust you so end it.
It's a relationship, you haven't suddenly become 7yrs old and need to let your Mum choose your freinds.
What are your thoughts and why do people put up with it?
I don't know. If I had to think about it, I'd say my friends were 60% female and 40% male. That's because I'm in an industry that's heavily female, so you just make those kinds of connections over time. And, no, I've never nailed a co-worker or acquaintance, even though several have thrown out the hook. And, to be honest about it, if MrsCPG had been weird about it or jealous when we first started dating, I'm not sure I would have continued the relationship. Either you trust me or you don't.
MrsCPG, thank God, isn't possessive about that kind of stuff. At the same time, I'm pretty careful to tell her if I have lunch with someone or whatever. It's just a good policy.
Case in point. A friend/colleague called me for lunch, chiefly because she wanted to talk over an upcoming project. We were both busy that day, so we agreed to meet in the food court of a local shopping mall. We spread out our laptops, file folders, etc., and ate while we worked.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a woman who is a friend of one of MrsCPG's friends. Connie is notorious for stirring the pot and was surreptitiously circling the food court. She thought she was being clever, I guess, but I knew what was up.
So as we are wrapping up lunch, I pick up the phone and call MrsCPG and say, "You'll be hearing from Cynthia any minute from now how Connie saw me at Brookwood Mall with Kim." MrsCPG laughed and said, "Oh. I got that call about three minutes ago."
Mind you, if I'd had lunch with a guy friend of mine, no one would have thought twice about it. But because I was having lunch with a woman friend, albeit obviously a business meeting (Who opens laptops and has legal pads out in a shopping mall food court during a rendezvous, anyway?), you will always endure an extra level of scrutiny by those people who want to think the worst.
Honestly when I was working, the only male friends I had would flirt with me. I considered them just friends, but I was fully aware that they would jump at the chance to make it more if I let them. B/F knew this because he could just tell. He didn't make it a big deal or anything but I respected his comfort level by never going out to lunch with them alone or doing anything that could be seen as untoward. He trusted me and didn't launch into a fit of jealousy over their unrequited advances.
Now that we are married. I don't really have any male friends. My only male friends are his friends that became my friends. They call me when they want to get engaged and take me ring shopping. Otherwise, we hang out as a big group. I like all of his friends' girlfriends/wives so they are my friends now too. I have some girlfriends on my side but their husbands aren't really his type of friend. So we don't do the group thing for that direction.
He has some work female friends and they go out to lunch as a group together but never alone or after work. Even though I trust him, I wouldn't like it if he were hanging out with other women after work. Luckily, he really doesn't have an interest in having non-work female friends (really only one work woman because he works in a male-dominated industry or is the superior to the other women in the office). In fact, he has said that "men don't become friends with women unless they want to sleep with them." Obviously most of you disagree with him but that's how he feels.
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