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A match made in heaven? A kid is not going to know his real dad so you can "travel and teach." You have much to leard yourself first. You knew he had a child right away and that makes your lives way different. You and most importantly him are ok with this? And the ex is wrong as well. As a father his most important thing is to make darn sure the welfare of the child is paramount. You are just chucking this innocent kid aside like yesterdays trash for the sake of adventure. Call Jerry Springer. You can add fame to the "traveling and adventure" while your at it.
I never knew my dad. You have NO idea the effect it will have on this child when he gets older.
TO the OP: In other words, your attitude is "I want what I want and to hell with everyone else, including my husbands own flesh and blood." So you're Ok with leaving a small child to live with the pain of being abandoned by his own father, and the guilt of thinking, there must be something really bad about me that my own father abandoned me completely. From the little bit you posted, I think you and your husband and his family are in for a lot of conflict and unhappiness.
This thread is running in the parenting forum also. In that one, it did not come up that she wanted her OWN family. I am thinking it is more about jealousy of the first wife (insecurity) and parting with the child support payments than anything else. I agree, she'll be the second ex, probably with children, and he won't understand why she won't cut him loose from his responsibilities because after leaving one child in the dust, he should be desensitized enough to do it to others.
OP is more typical than what she thinks. There is nothing that unusual about the situation. Many men abandon their children and 2nd wives are often jealous of the first wives and children because of their feeling insecure about the relationship.
The match made in heaven really comes across wrong considering this match requires the father to disown his first born son. OP should have required the termination of parental rights and responsibilities before the marriage if it was so important.
Let's look down the road a few years, shall we? OP and Dearly Beloved have a couple or three children of their own. It's been a rocky road since DH gave up his firstborn, whom he never gets to see and is totally unaware of the child's whereabouts or life state. The babies are screaming, there's no traveling going on, there's no money. There are bumps on the marriage, as with all marriages because life frequently takes you down a road you never meant to go on...and DH decides, just as he did the first time, that he'll just go - they can work it out and be adults about it.
So, OP - are you ready for him to walk on you and your "kids" just like he did this child? Or will you hold him to a different standard because, after all, these are YOUR kids and (should be) the most precious things in your life? Or will you let him put his name on a piece of paper and walk away? Are you willing for him to never see them, support them, or comfort them again because - guess what? - he found someone else to be his forever bride? And now you have 3 children - he has ZERO because he's signed away rights to all of them...
I can only imagine the bitterness of the people involved in this clusterf---, not to mention the emotional and psychological state of the children who were written off like a bad debt. I can't believe you are so selfish - I cannot believe your husband is so stupid and whipped that he would agree to something like this. I can't find a single person in this equation who is looking out for the child. Possibly the ex, since she just wants you two off and gone, and I don't blame her a bit.
No mam, in my opinion you do NOT love this man. If you did, you would accept his child and understand that children ALWAYS come first. Personally I'd never marry a man that would walk away from his child, that's sorry and low-down.
As far as you, you seem really self-centered. This will come back to bite you in the butt...mark my words. The only sympathy I have in this thread is for the child.
I'm sorry for the rant but I had a lot to say and I didn't make every point but this is as complete and I could make it but I tried.
My husband and I just got married recently. We are both kind of young. I'm 22 and he's 25. We are so happy with each other, anyone would say we are a match make in heaven. But when my husband was 18 he got married and had a kid.
I will be the first one to admit I don't like kids. So I never interacted much with his kid. We realized fairly early that there was just no way I was going to get along with his ex wife and kid. When he asked me to marry him we knew this came with a huge decision on what to do about his kid.
My husband being tied down to the city because of a kid and me wanting to travel the world and teach wasn't going to work. In the end he is going to sign over all parental right to his ex wife and wont be paying child support. (Ex wife agreed to this condition on account they don't get along and been trying to find a new father figure for his son anyways and has been yelling at him to abandon his son for years)
I know his family hates me just for marrying him and having a simple dislike for kids. They say "I will always be nothing" and " nothing I ever do will be as good as his first son." (I just stay away from the whole situation. But I did try to get along with the kid in the beginning) My husbands family will most likely disown us when he signs the papers. I have been told over and over again that I'm evil. As much as this is not ideal I don't think I deserved to told I'm nothing the day before my wedding and continuously reminded nothing I ever do will be good enough.
Not many people know the feeling of being hated so much for loving someone. I want nothing more then to make my husband happy and so far I have been doing a great job. But I also know my faults and would rather admit them then hide them. I did not force my husband into the decision he made. I said I would walk away at anytime if his son would make him more happy.
I know everyone says put the kids first. But in a first marriage no one wants to be put on the back burner right off the bat. A first marriage isn't supposed to be so soul crushing.
I in no way regret the outcome of this situation and our decisions.(other then maybe my in-laws hating me with a passion) But I would like to hear other peoples opinions on this situation. Am i evil for loving someone who has a kid but also wanting to like my life?
There are many considerations involved in deciding whether to marry someone or not. Given the fact he had a child and you don't like kids, or at least his kid, you should have thought this situation out more.
You come across as a self centred, immature little girl who wants her own way completely.
I think you are too young to be married to someone with the responsibility of being a Father. Children are not disposable pets you can just throw away.
Shame on the both of you for your callous attitudes.
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