No luck with guys? (marrying, man, friends, good looking)
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Some women just have it, and some don't. Unfortunately, I don't think there is a lot you can do to gain this 'it' factor. I have girlfriends who can walk into a room and walk away with 10 numbers, 5 dates and get to choose between those which one she wants her boyfriend to be for that month or two.
Girls like me have to work for it, and in the mean time I get to deal with guys who only want to take me out because they think they can sleep with me, or guys that stare at my chest while they're talking to me and guys that completely disappear when they realize I won't take my clothes off after the first date.
So, I stay single. I will probably be single for a good long time and I've come to terms with it. I do volunteer, I'm also a member of a few local groups and go out often plus I have a large group of male and female friends so I don't necessarily think it's my personality. I have absolutely no issues making friends and I'm a bit of a social butterfly. Finally got asked out for the first time in MONTHS a few weeks ago and we went on one date and he never called me back. I ask guys out all the time, but have yet to have one say yes.
Some of us just don't have the 'it' factor that makes men want to date us.
Your post is probably the most applicable to the Dating/Romance world for most people: The "It Factor". You can't really put your finger on it, but when your over weight friend trumps you for male attention when you go out you know she has it and you don't.
Same applies to men: When I go out with my Nordic god looking "10" friend I feel like a chopped liver "5". Fortunately I have a little more personality than he does and if I get the oppurtunity to show it I ocassionally get tossed a crumb
I feel your pain, OP. When you are in a place where you're ready for a meaningful relationship it is hard to just go with the flow and not appear over eager or desperate. I understand the sentiment when people say you'll find him when you aren't looking, but I also call BS. If I wanted a new job I wouldn't stop looking and hope one fell into my lap. If you want to meet a nice guy you CAN and should actively pursue opportunities where you might meet one.
Don't look in bars first of all. Have you tried online dating? I've never used it, but I hear the meet up site can be a great place to meet new people with similar interests. Go to sporting events, be active...go to the park, go biking, skiing, hiking, to the book store, whatever interests you. Be friendly and open, those vibes WILL attract people to you. Make eye contact and smile at guys. And go for guys in your league. I don't know what you look like, but go for guys who you think are at about the same attractive level as yourself.
Don't show desperation! You don't have to play a bunch of BS games. If you like someone then certainly show them, but have your own life and interests. Nothing turns me off a man at first when he doesn't seem to have anything to do but me. Also, don't rely on a man for your happiness. The right guy is just the icing on your happiness cake if you're already happy. And the truth is you don't need a guy to be happy. Seriously.
Your post is probably the most applicable to the Dating/Romance world for most people: The "It Factor". You can't really put your finger on it, but when your over weight friend trumps you for male attention when you go out you know she has it and you don't.
Same applies to men: When I go out with my Nordic god looking "10" friend I feel like a chopped liver "5". Fortunately I have a little more personality than he does and if I get the oppurtunity to show it I ocassionally get tossed a crumb
Exactly I have a knack for making friends wherever I go, but I don't quite have that 'it' factor when it comes to dating. One of my girlfriends does though, and I've been watching her a lot lately. To me, she giggles and acts helpless and kind of pathetic and the guys seem to eat it up. I laugh, and make jokes...but I just can't bring myself to act like a helpless little girl and that seems to make the guys love me as a friend, but they usually end up asking my friend out.
Exactly I have a knack for making friends wherever I go, but I don't quite have that 'it' factor when it comes to dating. One of my girlfriends does though, and I've been watching her a lot lately. To me, she giggles and acts helpless and kind of pathetic and the guys seem to eat it up. I laugh, and make jokes...but I just can't bring myself to act like a helpless little girl and that seems to make the guys love me as a friend, but they usually end up asking my friend out.
Oh well
Yes, this sentiment exactly. I just can't dumb myself down for a guys attention... I have worked too hard to get where I am, no thanks to any man.
I feel your pain, OP. When you are in a place where you're ready for a meaningful relationship it is hard to just go with the flow and not appear over eager or desperate. I understand the sentiment when people say you'll find him when you aren't looking, but I also call BS. If I wanted a new job I wouldn't stop looking and hope one fell into my lap. If you want to meet a nice guy you CAN and should actively pursue opportunities where you might meet one.
Don't look in bars first of all. Have you tried online dating? I've never used it, but I hear the meet up site can be a great place to meet new people with similar interests. Go to sporting events, be active...go to the park, go biking, skiing, hiking, to the book store, whatever interests you. Be friendly and open, those vibes WILL attract people to you. Make eye contact and smile at guys. And go for guys in your league. I don't know what you look like, but go for guys who you think are at about the same attractive level as yourself.
Don't show desperation! You don't have to play a bunch of BS games. If you like someone then certainly show them, but have your own life and interests. Nothing turns me off a man at first when he doesn't seem to have anything to do but me. Also, don't rely on a man for your happiness. The right guy is just the icing on your happiness cake if you're already happy. And the truth is you don't need a guy to be happy. Seriously.
You are also competing with other girls though. If there were 2 girls in an event and you were better looking then her then you will win lot of guys. Your height? What kind of scars are there?
You can make those scars go away and nose shorter with surgery.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey
I'm extremely social, belong to a lot of clubs and go out often with my friends. I have a large group of mixed gender friends and rarely a day goes by without me getting a few calls to go out. I think a lot of it has to do with my looks, because I easily make friends and have been told my personality is great.
I can't make myself shorter or my nose smaller, or make my scars go away. So, I've relegated myself to a single social butterfly
You are also competing with other girls though.If there were 2 girls in an event and you were better looking then her then you will win lot of guys. Your height? What kind of scars are there?
You can make those scars go away and nose shorter with surgery.
it doesn't matter how good looking she is as compared to other women: The only thing that matters is how positive she is and how nice she is!!! Her looks are NOT important! Where have you been! She can even wear sweatpants and be the girl next door and still beat out those other women! You go, JetJockey! LOL.
I love how this thread contrasts with when a man posts he is having trouble.
Maybe one post in this whole thread mentioned anything about her working on her social skills, personality, or talent.
That is my guess as to why she is having trouble. Most men will not sleep with women who are very unattractive. So, if they will sleep with you and think you are cool on top of it, they will probably pursue a relationship. This goes for MOST decent guys.
Instead everything is geared towards her laying back and waiting and not trying so hard.
You guys are really proving the misogynists right when they say "Men have to work much harder."
Exactly I have a knack for making friends wherever I go, but I don't quite have that 'it' factor when it comes to dating. One of my girlfriends does though, and I've been watching her a lot lately. To me, she giggles and acts helpless and kind of pathetic and the guys seem to eat it up. I laugh, and make jokes...but I just can't bring myself to act like a helpless little girl and that seems to make the guys love me as a friend, but they usually end up asking my friend out.
Oh well
From your posts, it sounds like you've dated a lot, and since high school.
I'm seriously thinking about giving up.I should probably forget about having a relationship.
The longest I was able to keep a guy was 2 months...I spent a fortune on clothes and makeup, spend hours in front of the mirror every day, exercise regularly, I have a stable job, I love animals, so yeah maybe I'm not the most perfect or pretty girl around but I'm trying really really hard.And yet all I ever find are either jerks who only want me for one night (don't get me wrong I'm not a ****...) or I get picked up by guys who have "potential serial killer" written all over their faces...
And then I look around and I see sooo many people who are not doing a damn thing and they have the sweetest most loving boyfriends ever.
For example, the most "serious" relationship I've ever had was 2 months with a guy I met at a bar...the furthest I got was staying over at his place and eating with his family.He didn't even call me his "girlfriend" in public...I was always just "the girl he met".
Then take my roommate.She met her boyfriend 3 months ago.They went on vacations together, spent every possible moment with each other, and now (after only 3 months!!!) he's moving in with us...(well, with HER...but since we're sharing a place...)
I can't help but being jealous...she got an amazing guy doing practically NOTHING, and I'm trying sooooo hard and every guy I've ever had was a complete jerk...
Maybe I should just give up.
Anybody else had a similar experience?
I'll also add... (the usual situation when women complain about meeting jerks)
The next time you reject a nice guy who will take you to all these places, and gladly call you his girlfriend, and treat you right because he's too short, or not exactly attractive enough, or you don't feel the butterflies, or not enough attitude, or whatever...
That's fine.
But don't complain about having no luck with guys ever again.
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I have a knack for making friends wherever I go, but I don't quite have that 'it' factor when it comes to dating. One of my girlfriends does though, and I've been watching her a lot lately. To me, she giggles and acts helpless and kind of pathetic and the guys seem to eat it up. I laugh, and make jokes...but I just can't bring myself to act like a helpless little girl and that seems to make the guys love me as a friend, but they usually end up asking my friend out. 
