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What difference does it make whether the guy has a degree? You obviously connected with him and are obviously in a fairly serious relationship. Isn't that all that matters? Would you drop a guy as if he were a car you were trading in just because you decided you want somebody with a degree or better pay? What are your motives? Where do you think he'll fall short?
Just marrying for love has led to many, many divorces. Love is never enough. You need to be on more even footing with your fundamentals and what you each can bring to the relationship. What is all warm and fuzzy at first can get really rough down the road with inevitable resentments, which will erode a relationship only based on love.
Heck, we are all able to love anyone, and we all have loved people who are bad for us. So my point to you is simply that marrying for love alone is not wise.
You are not even engaged yet and you are worried about what percentage he should pay of possible future travel?
Have you ever heard the expression "putting the cart before the horse"?
You cannot possibly think too much regarding your future.
Love is not enuogh, I agree with that. But I know many husbands who earn significantly less than the wives, and it works fine. The issue is the OP attitude...that is what will end it before it even begins. How would she feel if the situation was reversed? And she was a secretary, marrying a wealthy attorney, would she be okay with 50/50 split of expenses? Would she feel okay signing a pre-nup? % of income? I don't think so...That is the problem, the sexism in this entire thread.
If you are in law school, I shouldn't be explaining to you that a prenup protects assets you owned before the marriage. It may or may not work to specify the terms of a possible future divorce. It's always best to assume you each get 1/2 of everything acquired during the marriage no matter who earned what.
Splitting bills is something you do with a roommate. When you are married all the money goes in the pot and that's what you live on. Marriage is a partnership. As long as you both contribute, be happy. Marriage is an all in proposition. It you aren't willing to go all in, don't get married. You aren't ready.
YOU may end up being the lesser of the two. There are a lot of recent JD's who are unemployed and just scraping by. Working a second job to pay student loans. If this happens to you, the 50/50 thing doesn't sound all that good anymore, does it? Things have changed and a JD isn't necessarily a ticket to the good life. For your sake, I hope you are going to a 'name' school and graduate at the top of your class.
I have a female friend who makes loads of money as an attorney. Guess what her H does? He doesn't work outside the home at all. He manages the household and takes care of everything so she is free to dedicate the time to making the big bucks. And this works just fine for both of them.
Thanks everyone for their thoughts. Re-reading my posts and your comments have made me realize how much I care for this man and want to see things through. I just need to work on my issues of being paranoid that I'll be taken advantage of. I think time will help with that. I like the idea that someone suggested on taking an international trip together to see how we decide to split expenses and see if I can deal with it even if I end up paying a larger portion. The problem that I've been overly generous in the past bailing people out is what has led to this trepidation now on whether I will be able to comfortably handle providing for another, but I'm willing to give it a chance.
I just want to add that I in no way think blue collar workers aren't good role models. There are many hard working people who have blue collar jobs who are good decent people that are admirable. I just meant that as someone who has come from a family that highly values education, I expect my children (if any) to do the same and don't ever want them using the excuse "Dad didn't finish college, why should I have to go?" I know b/f regrets not being more ambitious when he was in college. He was still dealing with his parent's recent divorce so he wasn't very studious when he was in college, so I don't look down on him for leaving. I just want him to live up to his full potential. He's a smart guy and he admits that he hates his job. A degree would just give him more options, at least in theory.
Thanks again everyone. It helps to hear perspectives from other people to realize that I'm worrying about something that might not be important.
If he regrets it then perhaps you could put him through college once you graduate and start working. I recommend that you do that first before marrying since he'll probably qualify for all kinds of grants, scholarships, and loans as a low income individual. That won't be the case if you get a good job and are married. This I know from experience.
Thanks everyone for their thoughts. Re-reading my posts and your comments have made me realize how much I care for this man and want to see things through. I just need to work on my issues of being paranoid that I'll be taken advantage of. I think time will help with that. I like the idea that someone suggested on taking an international trip together to see how we decide to split expenses and see if I can deal with it even if I end up paying a larger portion. The problem that I've been overly generous in the past bailing people out is what has led to this trepidation now on whether I will be able to comfortably handle providing for another, but I'm willing to give it a chance.
I just want to add that I in no way think blue collar workers aren't good role models. There are many hard working people who have blue collar jobs who are good decent people that are admirable. I just meant that as someone who has come from a family that highly values education, I expect my children (if any) to do the same and don't ever want them using the excuse "Dad didn't finish college, why should I have to go?" I know b/f regrets not being more ambitious when he was in college. He was still dealing with his parent's recent divorce so he wasn't very studious when he was in college, so I don't look down on him for leaving. I just want him to live up to his full potential. He's a smart guy and he admits that he hates his job. A degree would just give him more options, at least in theory.
Thanks again everyone. It helps to hear perspectives from other people to realize that I'm worrying about something that might not be important.
RED FLAG! So you want to change him. He is who he is. He may become more, he may not. You will be happy WHEN HE REACHES his full potential but not with who he is - right now.
I spent 28 years in hell because I didn't "reach my full potential" according to my ex-husband. HELL. He made my life hell. I just want you to reach your full potential. I just want you to "be what you are not". That is the sum of all his berating me for years.
Your original post implies that your boyfriend wont be a good role model to your children because he is a blue collar worker. On behalf of my father, and millions of other fathers who raised a family on a blue collar salary, I resent that. ALOT!
I took her comment to mean that he made a low-paying wage as a blue collar worker and wasn't willing to do more to increase that wage. My brother's a blue collar worker who didn't earn much at first, so he continued his education and acquired more skills and ended up making 6 figures with his blue collar skills. He lives a very nice life to say the least! So I'm taking her post to mean that he lacks the ambition to even improve upon his current skills, not that he's a waste because he's a blue collar worker. And as someone who's without ambition, that's something to consider for your children's stability and work ethic.
If I was the guy in this situation I would simply walk away. Sorry, OP, but dems the breaks. You sound way too materialistic for me and you are more concerned about trivial 'lifestyle' issues rather than the issues that really matter.
Been fun but I gotta run... enjoy your six-figure salary without me.
RED FLAG! So you want to change him. He is who he is. He may become more, he may not. You will be happy WHEN HE REACHES his full potential but not with who he is - right now.
I spent 28 years in hell because I didn't "reach my full potential" according to my ex-husband. HELL. He made my life hell. I just want you to reach your full potential. I just want you to "be what you are not". That is the sum of all his berating me for years.
Egg-zakka-lee.
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