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Those of you who are married or in LTR, what are your thoughts on joint bank accounts? Good or bad?
My husband and I came came into our marriage with assets and we sort of agreed to have separate finances. He has a philosophy of whats "his is his" and whats "mine is mine" when it comes to money. I am not sure if this is going to work for us anymore as we've been having heated arguments over who keeps paying for what (as my income is rising, DH keeps telling me I should be "contributing" more and more toward household expenses). We both have separate homes - I already chip in for 100% of the groceries and 50% of utilities and cable bills. He covers the mortgage/taxes on his own house where we both live while I cover the mortgage/taxes on my apartment which is currently being rented until I can sell it in a year or two.
Most of my friends are floored that we don't even have a joint bank account. When I brought this up to DH, all he said was he felt he may not trust me with the fact that I would blow through the account with my spending. Fact is - we share completely different views when it comes to spending. I don't regularly buy $350 Coach bags or Gucci shoes, but if I have the $$ for some pricey items and can buy it with CASH, I will splurge on myself. My husband on the other hand, is extremely frugal to the point where he brown-bags his lunch every day because he doesn't want to spend $5.79 on a Subway sandwich for lunch.
So my question is - can a partnership work when finances are separate? For those who have joint bank accounts, is it a source of more stress/frustration? or is it more like the other way around?
My vote is no. What you describe is not partners at all. It is, however, not unusual for partners to have different spending habits. I'm like you. If I have cash, I will splurge a few times a year. Dh, OTOH, spends money on a regular basis. He buys lunch, smokes, plays golf, buys steak for dinner if he feels like it and then we argue when I spend money because he sees a large purchase. The truth is, he spends more than I do.
What I did to avoid the arguments is I started taking a weekly allowance. When he balked at that, I reminded him that he spends more on cigarettes than I do on my allowance. I set aside a certain amount each week and then I go splurge when I feel like it. I save money by packing my lunch, make sure I pay cash for gas (I can't stand paying 2.5% more for gas just for the convenience of a charge card like dh does), walk to the store to get milk, etc, etc, etc...so that I have the money when I want to go shopping for something new.
Rakin, you're probably one of the wealthiest dudes here.
Would you eat 100$ steak?
I've had a few $100 steaks but only when someone else paid for it. I'm perfectly happy with a nice $20-40 steak or $10 if I do it myself.
Usually people like OP do not know what it means to live on a budget and spend money wisely. She may not be but it's one of the reasons many have credit card debt up to their eyeballs.
More people need to be like her husband and live reasonably within their means.
I was raised to save money. Broke people should not give financial advice.
We had the same problem. I came up with a plan that I thought was an equatable division of money. for instance if 25% of your income should go for housing . Then each person contributes 25% of their income into the housing budget. The same for transportation 20%, food 20%, That way no one is spending anymore of their budget than they would normally if they were alone.
My SO didn't go for it . It was more fun if I just paid for everything and when my money ran out they would chip in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakin
This is the problem with your money, my money. If it was 1 joint account it would be our money.
If anybody ever came to me with a plan like the one above, Rakin, they would've been free to go spend their own money on themselves forever in a minute.
I see a lot of people advocating separate accounts with a joint account for expenses that each person contributes to proportionally. If each person is contributing a certain percentage, they are technically still splitting the bills (your portion vs. mine). Who cares what account it comes out of?
It's more important that each person have similar financial goals and habits than how their accounts are set up. It IS possible to have separate accounts and still be partners and work toward the same goals and discuss larger purchases, regardless of whose account the money comes from.
That's not how it goes at my job. My big boss, who probably earns similar to yours, is always on the clock. Emails come in from him at mid-night on Saturday nights to 5-6am during the week. The work itself, the work we do, is simply not in the same universe as what our admins are doing. His PhD in whatever science was no doubt difficult to obtain compared to the run of the mill LA degree our admins have (if they are educated). There is just no comparison in any way.
What about your side job? And what industry are you two in?
Yes, different jobs have different expecations. I am an attorney so granted, I work in a particular area of law where its heavily paper based so most of my work is done by computer software/coding software and emails. I physically do not have to be at my desk to complete my work.
My husband is an IT techie - he has to respond physically to anything that arises. My side job is real estate related - but with its very much based on the realities of the RE market, for me its just extra $$ that goes into savings or toward a vacation. I don't expect it to continue and now that my base salary at work was increased, I technically can quit the side job since I don't need the $$, but its only around 5 hrs/week at most (mostly weekends).
That sounds fair to me too! Why didnt your SO buy it? are you still with him/her now or did the relationship end because of that one disagreement?
we're still together and that's the plan we use. I seemed to have benefited more from it because I have learned to micro manage my finances over the years and she doesn't have to. Even when our incomes were pretty close she always ran out of money before me.
So what do you propose? Many married couples have differing philosophies on money. How do you think they make it work, then? Especially for married couples where its extremely un-even incomes, or couples where 1 person is much more educated/financially better off than the other?
I would suggest people who are not the same (or at least very similar) not get married. Marriage isn't just roses and hearts and moonlight...it is a partnership in life. Finances play a HUGE part in how you get through life. So does trust. Your op makes it sound like your hubby does not trust you. Well, in all things, it is hard to trust when you don't think the other person shares your belief.
When we got together, I made about 6 or 7 times more than my wife did. But she is so prudent and financially savvy...she, like me, is a saver. We both tend to eschew ostentation and glitz. So I trust her 100%. And she is such a go-getter, she has nearly doubled her take-home, while mine has only gone up about 30% in the 7 years we have been together.
When we got together, I made about 6 or 7 times more than my wife did. But she is so prudent and financially savvy...she, like me, is a saver. We both tend to eschew ostentation and glitz. So I trust her 100%. And she is such a go-getter, she has nearly doubled her take-home, while mine has only gone up about 30% in the 7 years we have been together.
LMAO! If your income was so high to begin with, did you really expect it to also double in 7 years...?
LegalDiva, I would also like to add that you BOTH should be selling your homes, not just you, and then purchase another one together. Otherwise, you should keep your separate home and rent it out. That becomes the big issue here if you guys can't get on the same page with how you spend and save money.
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