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Old 04-11-2012, 07:58 PM
 
8 posts, read 65,657 times
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Cool yellowsnow, I promise. As an artist my life isn't very traditional in the usual sense either. I hope it's clear I'm not looking to always be around 24/7; I'm hoping to come to terms with being with someone who has a very full life like I do and letting things hopefully happen organically. I'll keep your firsthand advice in mind, and really appreciate it.

PS-Love the Zappa reference in your name
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Old 04-12-2012, 07:41 AM
 
Location: Washington, DC area
607 posts, read 1,105,626 times
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I'm also seeing a guy who's really busy. We've been together for just a couple of months. He has two jobs and goes to school part time. It has its pros and cons. I like being able to do my own thing and hang out with my friends. It also keeps the relationship from moving too fast. We have a good time together but I always have to accommodate his schedule and until recently, he hasn't been good managing his time and we almost broke up over it. For now, it's fine but I do worry about having a future with someone who's so busy...I can't imagine having a family with him, I'd be like a single parent. I decided to give it a few months to see where it goes b/c I do really enjoy spending time with him and that doesn't happen to me all that often. But I've been starting to think that this relationship won't have much longevity.
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Old 04-12-2012, 10:46 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,130 posts, read 8,899,333 times
Reputation: 11714
I'd give it a few months and see where it goes and if the situation gets better. After a month I think once or twice a week is plenty. However, in six months once a week would not be enough for me to feel that I was in a fulfilling relationship. I dated a guy six months ago who never had time for me. I was really lucky to see him even once a week and it sucked. I felt like I was still single, yet I wasn't free to find anyone else. I wasn't happy. I think you'll know when you reach that point and either you'll both make more time or that will be the end of things. Try not to overanalyze. I know how tough that is though.
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Old 04-13-2012, 12:05 PM
 
8 posts, read 65,657 times
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Snd485, I definitely get where you are coming from. I love that I can have my life and be with my friends and family and be a whole person instead of half a couple. However, my last relationship was with someone who our relationship revolved too much around their life, and not enough around mine. I'm trying to prevent that from happening again.

Strawberry kiwi, thanks for your advice in hindsight. I'm hoping soon we can have a talk about what we both want, and see how that goes. I'm willing to compromise, but not if I lose myself in the process. I really want to make it crystal clear to him what I want, and that I am not going to invest everything I have with him if we aren't on the same page. I'm looking for an equal partner. Thanks!
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Old 04-13-2012, 12:15 PM
 
Location: NY
9,128 posts, read 16,182,918 times
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If you both really like each other, and have long range plans of wanting to be in a relationship where neither of you smother the other, then maybe this is a good start to see if you two can be in a new relationship without either having to demand all of the other's time.

If the relationship grows, you both will find more time for each other, as the importance of the relationship over some other areas of your lives grows.

I would not be insulted by someone with a very hectic schedule "penciling" you in. What that means is he is managing his time in a way where he is already making sure there is some for you among his other time demands. He wants to keep his life, and start to include you in it. Sounds like a positive, instead of a negative.
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Old 04-13-2012, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Seattle
1,599 posts, read 2,285,551 times
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I've done both - dated a guy who had umpteen priorities in his life and I never made it to the top5 and also dated a guy who barely had 15 free minutes a day, but made me feel like I was the most important part of his life. It can be done. Time will tell, but definitely don't be the one who's always compromising or making adjustments for your together time.
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Old 04-13-2012, 07:00 PM
 
8 posts, read 65,657 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24 View Post
If you both really like each other, and have long range plans of wanting to be in a relationship where neither of you smother the other, then maybe this is a good start to see if you two can be in a new relationship without either having to demand all of the other's time.

If the relationship grows, you both will find more time for each other, as the importance of the relationship over some other areas of your lives grows.

I would not be insulted by someone with a very hectic schedule "penciling" you in. What that means is he is managing his time in a way where he is already making sure there is some for you among his other time demands. He wants to keep his life, and start to include you in it. Sounds like a positive, instead of a negative.
I really didn't think of it like that. You definitely make it sound better than it feels, thanks! Even with these factors though, is it too soon to have a talk about what we both want, so we know we're on the same page?
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Old 04-13-2012, 07:23 PM
 
Location: East coast-New England
1,638 posts, read 1,900,897 times
Reputation: 3538
[quote=Nyartist;23851801]I really didn't think of it like that. You definitely make it sound better than it feels, thanks! Even with these factors though, is it too soon to have a talk about what we both want, so we know we're on the same page?[/quote]


Me, I would hold off for now, or you may seem too desperate. I mean, it is what it is. You are dating a guy whose life is just over flowing. Either you accept it, and dont hassle him about it or nag him for conformation, or you let him go.

The LAST thing you want to do is become an insecure, clingy nag. It seems like he is doing the best he can with the situation he is in. He seems like he is being open and honest with you. If you like him, dont blow it by all the heavy questions right now. Its only been a month, sheesh. If you think the guy may be worth it, dont hassle him, and enjoy the time you do have together. If you feel lonely, take up a hobby. Give it another couple of months to see if maybe you two have been able to work an extra day of seeing each other, etc.

After a couple months or so, if you feel the time contraint is too much for you to deal with, then perhaps you need to walk away from him. but dont make him feel like he is the bad guy if he has continued to be an open book with you. If his lifestyle is not for you, then its just not for you. It's not his fault, or your fault. Your lifestyles just may not be compatible.
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Old 04-13-2012, 10:24 PM
 
Location: Blah
4,153 posts, read 8,341,518 times
Reputation: 3072
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I say, let it ride, and don't be "free" when he can "pencil" you in. You are making it too easy for him. Sure, he is busy, but if he wants a relationship, let him make time for you. I would start dating other men. Let him know you really like him, but you need something more meaningful than "Starbuck's on Saturday". I bet you are having sex, and that is probably all you do...like dinner, and sex. Sounds like a "booty call" to me. He makes time for you to have sex.

Just my two cents.
Interesting .02 indeed.
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Old 04-13-2012, 10:43 PM
 
307 posts, read 562,236 times
Reputation: 457
It sounds like a decent start to me and that he is just very busy. I think you should give it a few months to see how things develop. Be careful to live your life and make your own plans separate from him. Do not start leaving all of your time open just in case he is available to see you. If he becomes serious about you in the next few months he will make more time for you, if he doesn't then you have your answer.
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