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So last night I'm talking to my girlfriend of two months. We were just shooting the ****, randomly talking about stuff. She was driving, and she saw this couple, apparently it was an older gentleman with a much younger woman, and she asked me, what was the oldest women I've been with. Mind you, I'm the type of guy who doesn't really talk about their sexual history unless asked. I'm not going to lie, if you have a question, ask. So I told her, and then we go back and forth a bit and she asks if I'm the type of guy that would only open up if I'm asked. Because when I answered her question, she goes "well I didn't know" and I go "you didn't ask, and it's not something I am going to say willingly." So to answer her question about opening up, I told her that when it comes to sex and stuff, yeah, if you ask me, I'll answer it, but otherwise why does it matter who I had sex with in the past, or how old was the person. It's in the past.
Anyway, her point is that she doesn't want to become a boring couple and only find out something about me because she asked and not because I voluntarily gave her that information. And I really didn't say anything, I listened, it was midnight and the last thing I wanted to do was discuss something like this before I went to sleep. But I've been open with her from the get go, I've got nothing to hide. If she wants to know something about me, ask. Especially when it comes to sex. I've told her about my family, I've told her about my friends, whom she's met. What else do she want to know? She said she wanted to know about how I'm feeling, etc etc, and I've done that, but to me, and maybe it's just me, yeah you're my girlfriend but if something is going on, if I'm happy or sad, she's not going to tell the difference either way. Maybe I don't emote as much as she wants me to, or maybe I'm just the type of guy who keeps it in and wants to deal with it alone. I'm introverted like that.
I'm genuinely happy with her, we enjoy each other's company. I was just a bit annoyed by it. I'm a laid back type of person, my mood is never too high or too low, it generally stays even keel and I told her this from the get go so I'm having a little trouble understanding what it is she wants from me. Furthermore, it's been 2 months. I feel like she's pushing/rushing, it's like she's asking me for something I'm not ready to give her yet, you know? What's the rush? Why can't you just let the relationship develop on it's own. Why do I need to lay out all my cards on the table at the same time?
I don't think you should be annoyed. Some people are more open than others. It's normal for her to be curious about your past. As long as she doesn't hold the past against you or push you to talk about things you don't want to talk about I wouldn't worry. Women like to talk! We like to know your deep thoughts and feelings. It helps us feel close to you!
So last night I'm talking to my girlfriend of two months. We were just shooting the ****, randomly talking about stuff. She was driving, and she saw this couple, apparently it was an older gentleman with a much younger woman, and she asked me, what was the oldest women I've been with. Mind you, I'm the type of guy who doesn't really talk about their sexual history unless asked. I'm not going to lie, if you have a question, ask. So I told her, and then we go back and forth a bit and she asks if I'm the type of guy that would only open up if I'm asked. Because when I answered her question, she goes "well I didn't know" and I go "you didn't ask, and it's not something I am going to say willingly." So to answer her question about opening up, I told her that when it comes to sex and stuff, yeah, if you ask me, I'll answer it, but otherwise why does it matter who I had sex with in the past, or how old was the person. It's in the past.
Anyway, her point is that she doesn't want to become a boring couple and only find out something about me because she asked and not because I voluntarily gave her that information. And I really didn't say anything, I listened, it was midnight and the last thing I wanted to do was discuss something like this before I went to sleep. But I've been open with her from the get go, I've got nothing to hide. If she wants to know something about me, ask. Especially when it comes to sex. I've told her about my family, I've told her about my friends, whom she's met. What else do she want to know? She said she wanted to know about how I'm feeling, etc etc, and I've done that, but to me, and maybe it's just me, yeah you're my girlfriend but if something is going on, if I'm happy or sad, she's not going to tell the difference either way. Maybe I don't emote as much as she wants me to, or maybe I'm just the type of guy who keeps it in and wants to deal with it alone. I'm introverted like that.
I'm genuinely happy with her, we enjoy each other's company. I was just a bit annoyed by it. I'm a laid back type of person, my mood is never too high or too low, it generally stays even keel and I told her this from the get go so I'm having a little trouble understanding what it is she wants from me. Furthermore, it's been 2 months. I feel like she's pushing/rushing, it's like she's asking me for something I'm not ready to give her yet, you know? What's the rush? Why can't you just let the relationship develop on it's own. Why do I need to lay out all my cards on the table at the same time?
I bolded the parts I find odd. You don't owe her accountability for everything you've ever done in your life, nor do you need to summarize your past in an itemized list and spill it all to her so she can't claim you were holding back info.
Topics will come up naturally as a part of conversational flow. If there's something you specifically want to know, you have to ask because otherwise how will you find out?
And yes, two months in, I don't believe she's entitled to know everything about you, no matter how the conversation comes up. Nothing like an insecure and/or judgmental person verbally "beating up on you" for a past they had nothing to do with and may have absolutely no bearing on the present or future.
Considering her view, I'm curious if she has disclosed and put all of her cards on the table? Has she reported every sexual partner and their social demographic?
At this stage of the relationship, she should be more concerned with your health status, finding out whether you are STD-free, and demonstrating that she is STD-free, as well.
I can see asking her other questions when you've been together for a long time, are secure in your relationship, and it just comes up like it would come up between two friends, without the potential for jealousy. But right now, neither of you knows the other well enough for that. Right now, it could be a loaded question. You don't know her well enough to make an educated guess about why she's asking or how she'll react to your answers. Sure, it could just be idle curiosity, and she may just shrug your answer off and file it under "now I know him a little bit better," but it's too early to tell. You don't know her well enough to feel comfortable answering, and that's what's important.
It's really up to you to decide how you feel about this. The next time it happens, explain your position again and see what she says. If you're tired and it comes up at an inopportune time, then it's on you to ask her if you can talk about it the next day--and it's on you to actually do so. If you start deflecting, it's going to look like you're hiding something, so be as direct and thorough as possible, as soon as possible, so she doesn't think you are playing games or acting shady.
As for you, if you're going to make a serious go of a relationship, keep in mind that regular state-of-the-union talks are a good thing. Yes, it's nice to make the assumption that if someone isn't complaining, they're happy and everything is hunky dory. But every relationship, no matter how good, has challenges. Like it or not, many women do get to wondering if their partner is truly happy, or just along for the ride, and should she ask, it would be a good idea to answer--sincerely, or you risk sounding like you're taking her for granted. Yes, actions speak louder than words, but people of both genders sometimes need to hear the words, too.
Considering her view, I'm curious if she has disclosed and put all of her cards on the table? Has she reported every sexual partner and their social demographic?
Just wondering if she is hypocritical too.
She's a virgin, so she has no sexual experience. Yeah I know, dating a virgin is a big time no no, but I like this girl a lot and was willing to give it a chance. I think that's the reason why I don't ask many questions about her past, I know she had been in a couple of relationships years back, but that's about it. Last night she asked me if there was something I wanted to find out about her, and I honestly responded by saying if I do find something to ask her, I'll let her know. There's not a lot there, relationship wise for me to ask. She hasn't had a ton of experience, not to mention she's missing out on the whole emotional/physical aspect of a relationship.
On Saturday I think it was, she asked me to tell her something that she didn't know about me. It's Thursday and I'm still trying to answer this question. Her answer was that she was very good at doing handy work. That's cool...but I don't really care? And I'm not entirely sure how that relates to our relationship? I guess if my light bulb goes out, she'd be the one I call? I don't know. Like I said, I've pretty much told her everything with the exception of a couple of things which I won't divulge to her (mostly b/c its 2 months into a relationship)
Some people think relationships are confession booths. Besides, how in the world would something like this have come up earlier?! It's not like you have a FAQ of your life you recite as soon as you meet somebody.
On Saturday I think it was, she asked me to tell her something that she didn't know about me.
Those probing questions seem to be a repetitive pattern. Watch out! I think you have a suspicious and jealous freak on your hands, still in disguise. How old is she? She sounds like a high-schooler.
Some people think relationships are confession booths. Besides, how in the world would something like this have come up earlier?! It's not like you have a FAQ of your life you recite as soon as you meet somebody.
The biggest thing that bugged me was "well you didn't tell me you slept with a 48 year old" and I honestly thought it's not something I would go around and tell people. It was just sex. She asked, I answered. I didn't think it was a big deal. It's not like I was hiding it from her, I don't go around wearing a shirt saying I slept with someone twice my age.
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