Quote:
Originally Posted by tonym9428
"Nice guy" is a subjective term. One person's Nice guy is another persons "bad guy". The term is used too frequently and I doubt that 90% of the guys who claim to be 'nice guys' are in fact nice guys.
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There's certainly some truth to this, but at the same time, the internet backlash against any man who refers to himself as a "nice guy" that assumes that he's a spineless, snivelly, mean, unpleasant person with strictly impure intentions is just sad.
I think that what often happens is that when guys who
are legitimately nice at their core are younger, they
do often get passed up for guys who are d-bags (see my earlier comments about teenaged girls not being able to tell the difference between a guy who's a "rebel" and a guy who's just plain a loser; or, "exciting" and "dramatic," etc.). It's not always because of the "bad boy" mystique, but also because while the nice guy wants to build up her affections and show that he respects her as a woman, the d-bag just comes up and goes, "Hey. I'm Nick. You're wicked hot. You live around here?"
It's all a game of numbers and averages. Though our friend
Tom The Nice Guy may spend much, much more time and care with his romantic interests: right now, this girl
Maria whom he met at a book signing. Let's say that he devotes energy to one girl every two months, because he's sincere (not dating other girls), and it takes time and effort to get to know a girl inside-and-out and spend lots of time with her, getting to know her.
Nick The D-Bag wakes up, gets dressed, goes to the Starbucks, where he macks on all the baristas, same as every morning. He's on the subway and starts asking the girl with glasses sitting next to him if she likes to read, cause she looks like the sort of girl who likes to read. He's at the DMV and asks the girl if she has a boyfriend, cause she has big 'ol mama boobs. He goes out to dinner with friends and tries to chat up the waitress, and leaves his number with the check along with the note "i think ur hott call me - NICK."
Then, they go to a bar, where
Maria and her friend
Karen are enjoying skinny cosmos and having a discussion about how over
Tom The Nice Guy Maria is, because it's been two months and uuuuugh, she's been over to his place a whole ton, she's dressed up for him, she's invited him over, she's hugged him for waaaay too long, and he
still just doesn't f'ing get it. Nick The D-Bag comes up, making sure he's flexing his muscles and goes "Hey. I'm Nick. That's a nice shirt. It looks good on you. Can I buy you another drink?" Sure, Nick looks like a D-bag, and he sounds like a goon, but... he's kind of hot. Not only that, but, Karen is whispering in her ear that she should get his number and go for it. After three drinks, they go to a club, where Nick and Maria making out in a corner while Karen and Nick's friend are grinding on the floor, snapping Instagrams of everything and posting them to Facebook.
Maria wakes up in her bed with Nick, and feels all butterfly-ey from a night of wild, animal sex. She gets up and starts cooking breakfast, excited to talk to her new boyfriend (<3 <3 <3!!!) over crepes and orange juice. Nick doesn't wake up, so she eventually goes in and wakes him up with a kiss and a big hug, which confuses and alarms him at first, and then he politely tries to struggle out of. "I made you breakfast," she tells him enthusiastically. "I made blueberry crepes!"
"Oh, uh, thanks Mary, but like... I've gotta go. I have work in a couple hours. I should go take a shower." All of her ploys to get her new lover to stay fail because she wasn't THAT good a lay, and without makeup and wearing her PJ's, she looked like hell. Marie is crushed. She tries to call Karen, but Karen is probably still in bed with Nick's friend (she's such a ****). So, she calls Tom. Tom is such a sweetheart...
Cycle repeats.
It can be really frustrating, but, as time goes on, more and more girls lose their attraction to these guys because they realize that they generally aren't really
that much more than they appear. Then, they start to look for nice guys - who have their act together, who treat them with respect, etc. It gets way easier the later in your 20's you are.
The big kicker is finding a guy who's nice, and hasn't become embittered by rejection earlier on... that narrows the field some.
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