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Lately, I have been talking to this girl at work I am interested in. She has confided a lot in me and we've been making some good conversation. It's clear that a connections been made and there is attraction.
Well, I wanted to make the first move but missed the mark several times. For the past week it's been awkward between us because I haven't been man enough to just be open.
As of late she's had some real serious issues with her family (still lives at home at 23), and she called me really distraught, we chatted for a couple hours and then she disappeared for like two days.
So last night when I saw her again I told her: "I like what you said about wanting all your relationships to be reciprocal or else it's not worth it, I really took that to heart. The last time you called me, you sounded really distraught about some issues your working out with your family, we talked for hours. Well after that call you kind of disappeared and I didn't hear from you for a while. All I am saying is that you can't have me care for you like that and then not hear from you for while."
She said, "well I don't want to burden people with my crap".
I said, "That's what I am trying to stress out to you though, is that it's not a burden, you're not a burden."
That was the meat of the convo, but for the most part, was that a subtle enough hint to her that I am interested in taking this further? Was it a good opener to opening the lines of communication between us further? The next time I will be more upfront and out with it, but was this a good opener to that?
I know everyone else disagrees, but I would think you did the right thing. You are conveying that you care for her more than just a friend and you aren't hitting her with a hammer over the head, either. I guess everyone goes at a different pace, but for me, it seems that you are letting her know with class and elegance that you do care about her and that she can count on you and can make a move if she likes. A woman who hears a man say these things that you did, automatically knows that a man is interested in her. Not all men will tell a woman they like, everything they feel automatically. It's a process.
From a woman's perspective: I think you said what you aimed to say (you care about her) and she received this message. One thing to note though: she may ALWAYS have family issues so please DO NOT WAIT that much longer. I like that there seems to be chemistry and I like that you respect her enough to not want to "load" more on her...BUT, if she has mentioned wanting to jump your bones, that may be the stress relieving thing she needs right now. Don't waste time in getting at least a little physical with her...
Thoughts of you in the sack is much nicer than thinking about family issues...give her something good to think about!! Go, now...
My thoughts are as follows... I don't date anyone at work, except the boss. That way, if it doesn't work out, at least I can sue my employer for sexual harassment. Also, if I'm seeing someone at work, I may get tired of seeing them so often. I mean, it's bad enough that I see her in the streets, but then, I have to deal with her at work too. But, that's just me - you have to do what feels right for yourself. Good luck!
Either the attraction is there or it is not for her. Endearing yourself closer and closer to her isn't necessarily harming your chances for her, but it's not doing anything to sway her attraction.
IMO, that's not the way to go about things. Get her out to lunch and be ballsy and make a move on her in the car or parking lot. I'm serious. If a girl likes you, she will make out with you in the middle of nowhere in public. If she doesn't, it doesn't matter if she knows your life story and you guys are close like siblings. She will reject you.
This has been my experience at least.
I agree with everything you've said so far.
The only thing I'd amend is...I wouldn't take her out to lunch, I'd invite her out for a drink at a bar she'd like. Going off work-campus makes it a social event.
But everything else rings true. Friends first = bad. Relationship in head = bad. Playful signals = Don't mean ****.
Dropping subtle hints is what women do to get men to ask them out. Men just ask women out.
Telling a woman that you don't mind being their shoulder to cry on is generally a great way to be friendzoned. Telling a woman you don't mind, what are you doing later we should meet up at [name of cool bar], shows that you are interested in more than being a friend.
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But, that's just me - you have to do what feels right for yourself. Good luck!
