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Old 04-25-2012, 08:30 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,052 posts, read 106,836,948 times
Reputation: 115779

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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
Brains don't overcome biology. And men don't dump their wives after many years if they have aged too and as such have grown into a new life phase together. But a 40 year old who seriously dates a 20 year will get the boot later on almost every time

Sure men will still screw a post menopausal women - men will stick their penises through a hole in a door for pete's sake - but they don't want to date them if they still have a sex drive.

None of this makes a man shallow. Our sex drives are about reproduction and that is a fact.
The discussion isn't about 20 year olds getting together with 40 year olds. It's about "younger" men, a relative term. The fact is, some do date and marry, and cherish their older women. And again, 40, or 45, or even 50 doesn't necessarily equate with "menopausal". And you should see what happens to some women's sex drives after menopause--hang on to your seat belts, guys! When women are going on nothing but testosterone, without estrogen to mellow that out, they can take on a bunch of you, and leave you all tired and happy! Think you can handle it, gents?
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Old 04-25-2012, 08:51 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,627,920 times
Reputation: 10379
This thread is about any older woman/younger man pairing that is extreme enough to be noticed.

Some men date and marry women who are 40 years older, but that doesn't mean anyone should count on it. That's an extreme example, but at the end of the day the fact remains - a 10+ age difference will most likely fail even if everything is going well. Yes there are exceptions but they are unusual.

As for menopausal women going on nothing but testosterone with no estrogen, that is exactly why men aren't sexually attracted to them in the first place. It's why they don't approach them sexually in the first place Straight men are not sexually attracted to testosterone driven people, be they men or menopausal women.
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:45 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,052 posts, read 106,836,948 times
Reputation: 115779
How would the men know the women are testosterone-driven? Men just want women who enjoy sex, they don't care if it's estrogen-driven or testosterone-driven (ask 'em). And there are all those women on HRT that one member on another thread found so enjoyable. The upshot is that there's much more variety in human experience than common stereotypes would lead us to believe. Some women do struggle after menopause, but so do men when their testosterone crashes, if they don't do anything about it. What happens when you have a guy losing his juice in his 40's, while wifey in her 50's is in overdrive? Life can cut both ways. But you're right, older women shouldn't count on it. I don't think they do. Usually they're surprised when a younger guy approaches them, they don't go looking for them.

There are no statistics to support that a 10+ age difference will fail. One of our own posters here says he's very happy with his much older wife. Look at how many marriages of all kinds fail overall--50%. I think the same applies to older women/younger men marriages. No different than the general marriage stats.
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:54 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,908,270 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
How would the men know the women are testosterone-driven? Men just want women who enjoy sex, they don't care if it's estrogen-driven or testosterone-driven (ask 'em). And there are all those women on HRT that one member on another thread found so enjoyable. The upshot is that there's much more variety in human experience than common stereotypes would lead us to believe. Some women do struggle after menopause, but so do men when their testosterone crashes, if they don't do anything about it. What happens when you have a guy losing his juice in his 40's, while wifey in her 50's is in overdrive? Life can cut both ways. But you're right, older women shouldn't count on it. I don't think they do. Usually they're surprised when a younger guy approaches them, they don't go looking for them.

There are no statistics to support that a 10+ age difference will fail. One of our own posters here says he's very happy with his much older wife. Look at how many marriages of all kinds fail overall--50%. I think the same applies to older women/younger men marriages. No different than the general marriage stats.
That's right! Post-menopausal women have always been and will always be on top of every man's wish list! Do some of you even listen to themselves?!
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Old 04-26-2012, 11:38 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,627,920 times
Reputation: 10379
It just occurred to me that there is a category of men who like post menopausal, stylish fun women: gays. Maybe it's the testostrone?
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Old 07-04-2012, 09:37 PM
 
2,016 posts, read 5,188,989 times
Reputation: 1878
Default A lot of biased stuff going on here

I've read some pretty ignorant & biased B.S on this thread...a lot of it sounds like it's "data" that's been pulled out of people's b*tts and presented as fact.

What I am reading on this thread as well as threads & articles all over the net is that women are worthless, damaged goods starting at around age 40 (if not earlier), and go downhill fast after that, and considered unattractive, undesirable, and should count their lucky stars if ANY man would want to be with them, especially a younger man. How dare a woman even consider that. Shouldn't she "know" that no one wants her? Geez.

Interestingly enough, I read a quote by Raquel Welch, a few days ago (when she was about age 62...she is 72 years old now) saying that the BIGGEST insult/degrading remark that can be made to a woman is to call her OLD. She said that calling a woman a "porno sl*t (excuse my language, but it is her quote) is NOT considered as big an insult to a woman as is being called OLD.

This is not really about whether or not an older man/younger man relationship can work (it CAN). What this is REALLY about is how women should be made to feel that they are inferior and not worthy of being with whomever they truly love and who loves them back SOLELY for the reason that they're OLD. Men can easily be older than their GF/wife by 10-15-20 years and no-one bats an eyelash. Women, on the other hand, are crucified and made to feel like they're the biggest idiots/dumb dora's on the planet for BELIEVING that they are worth it and self-worthy. God forbid.

People like to bring up Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore as the quintessential example of a failed older woman/younger man relationship, and go "see, I told you it wouldn't work", blah, blah, blah. They fail to take into consideration that Ashton Kutcher is a boy douchebag who is a douchebag at any age. You know how Ralph Nader wrote the book about the Corvair (car) "Unsafe at Any Speed"....well, "Ashton Kutcher - Douchebag...at Any Age." Simple as that.

They discount other celebrity couples who have made it work, couples like Juliette Mills (Hayley Mill's sister)and Maxwell Caulfield ("Grease II), who have an 18 year age difference and have been married since 1980 or Tina Turner and Erwin Bach (who have a similiar age difference as the prior example) and have been together since 1985. There are many other celebrity couples with a big age difference (with the woman being older than the man), as well as many examples in real life. People look to that and poo poo it by saying, "those are the exceptions, not the rule." Well, of course, anyone can say anything to prove or disprove their own beliefs.

All I know is that people who are in significant age difference relationships should seriously away from other people's opinions and just live each day to it's fullest.

People change & grow in ANY relationship...they grow together or drift apart for a myriad of reasons. If "age" is THE single factor in any relationship demise, then why do so many couples with "traditional" age pairings break up over a course of time? If "age" is not a factor in those relationships, then what is??? The truth is that human beings are complicated/changing beings...everything changes, nothing stays the same forever. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't (over the course of time) REGARDLESS of age pairings.

True love can come at any time, at any age. I read a quote recently that says that love picks people, not the other way around. It's truly heart-breaking to think that anyone would want to deny another human being love & joy in their life, simply because of an age difference. Really short-sighted and selfish thinking.

I also have to add that I cannot believe the ridiculous amount of ignorance about female sexuality & menopause that I have read here. WTF seriously. People thinking that women in their late 30's, 40, etc. are in menopause??? I personally know women in their 40's (even late 40's) that have had babies recently without any medical intervention whatsoever. That's just ignorance regarding menopause...that only scratches the surface as to the profound ignorance on female sexuality. I really hope that women, especially, aren't buying into this nonsense and accepting it as "fact" because it certainly is NOT.

Women, love whomever you want to love and whomever loves you back & makes you happy. When love shows up, take it & embrace it. Life is short for everyone. It's as simple as that. :-)

Last edited by Donna7; 07-04-2012 at 10:26 PM..
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:38 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,932 posts, read 11,655,730 times
Reputation: 13169
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peacelilies View Post
So I came across this article on the internet about older women dating younger men.

Older Woman, Younger Man? Watch Out! He'll Dump You - Yahoo! Voices - voices.yahoo.com
I agree with the conclusion, but not the argument. Men become wrinkle blind at around 55-65. They leave older women before they experience the onset of wrinkle blindness.
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Old 07-05-2012, 06:07 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,758 posts, read 40,005,634 times
Reputation: 18033
Well my age gap relationship (me 53, him 31) is still going strong after 8 years of living together. I am definitely not a mother figure to him. I don't look or act at all like her (BTW I getting along great with his mom). I am childless and have never ever wanted one. The only children I have are my dogs and cats, and I definitely don't treat him like I do my pets.

And there are many reasons why I'm not worried about a younger woman stealing his heart.

First and foremost, he is in love with the inner me. He has always told me that he is in love with my brain and how it works. Our relationship is based on our being best friends to each other and we are intellectual equals. He loves that I am a knowledgeable, logical thinking human being who uses commonsense. He loves that I am a good driver (I've raced autocross). I also can change a flat tire and last winter put on my snow tires in the driveway without his help. I even have a Matco torque wrench in my car for tightening my lugnuts properly to 80ftlbs or torque. And after I use it, I remember to zero it out.

Secondly, he is not a shallow man who places a woman's looks as the most important thing about her. His vision of a successful relationship is being good companions to each other outside of the bedroom and house. In fact, he's noticed how women who dress sexy and hot are emotional messes and high maintenance drama queens. And the women who are closer to his age are attached to their smartphones and addicted to texting. His male friends are smothered with phone and text messages from their gfs.

Third, I give him lots of personal space. I encourage him to spend time with his friends. If he wants a weekend to go up to NH to go camping with his buddies, I am happy for him. If his friends invite him to a party and it's not for me, he knows that I'm fine with not tagging along. And his friends do like my company and think me a cool gf. They see that our lives aren't filled with silly dramas. They see that when we are apart, I never pester him with phone calls or texts. They also like that I am a fellow gearhead.

Fourth, all this cougar nonsense is annoying to the both of us. We started our relationship as best friends, not me picking him up at a bar because I was feeling predatory. And had I thought he had an Asian or older woman fetish, I would have found him extremely creepy and would have run away from him. BTW one of my dating rules (aside from avoiding cigarette smokers) was to never date a man who had previously dated an Asian woman. Should a man make the mistake of telling me that he finds Asian women attractive, he's automatically disqualified as bf material. The same goes for a guy looking for a cougar. I will not be objectified or stereotyped.

Lastly, I am lucky that because I am Asian, I am aging much more gracefully than all of my friends the same age, especially the non-Asian ones. I hardly drink alcohol and I don't smoke cigarettes. I live an active lifestyle. I don't wear makeup and only use moisturizer on my face. I tie my hair back in a simple ponytail. I am a happy person who laughs a lot. And all of this helps me come across as looking much younger than my age.

He is willing to marry me, but I'm fine not being his wife. Being anybody's wife is not a goal of mine. I also want to make sure that he is with me by choice and not because of a vow.

Otherwise, at my age, I am not at all attracted to men my age or older for a romantic relationship. I am not ready to be anyone's caretaker soon (conversely, I make sure to stay in good shape because I don't want my bf to be my caretaker either). And last week, I bumped into a friend from about 18 years ago. He's a year older than me and now looks much older than me (he's white and Jewish). And not counting celebrities, the only other man I would consider dating in real life just turned 46.
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Old 07-05-2012, 08:04 AM
 
5,347 posts, read 7,168,971 times
Reputation: 7158
This is probably offensive. But it's the truth.

These relationships dont work because it's built on lust/curiosity and just the physical part of the relationship. Younger men dont want to settle down long term or even have serious relationships with Older women. When a younger men wants to settle down, he picks youth, beauty, and fertility. And older woman just can't compete with that.
Older woman tend to be easier and more sexually experienced then their younger counterparts, but that's we're it stops.
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Old 07-05-2012, 08:57 AM
 
2,265 posts, read 3,675,590 times
Reputation: 1815
My wife is 6 years older than I am, and I couldn't be happier. I was still in my teens when we started seeing each other and I had no time or patience for the drama of girls/women my age. Between being a full time student and working, I wasn't in the mood for the drama of a teenage girl (clubs, friend issues, school issues, spring break, partying). My ideal weekend if I wasn't working was to disappear to Williamsburg, go skiing, go for a drive, etc. It worked out well - we've been together almost 10 years, married 5 this month.
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