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I was just thinking about this because of something I just posted in the orbiter thread.
Has anyone here taken someone under their wing in a romantic context and tried to "fix" them? I am guilty of it. I've done it out of misguided compassion. Buying guys a whole new wardrobe. Trying to teach them social skills they should have learned long ago. Trying to coach them to be the best that they can be. I have done that and much more. The thing is that I found that they will accept the help but come to feel entitled to it. That is what my relationship with my ex-fiance was like. I guess it is a codependent thing. Anyone else?
Once I was the project and once I tried a project.
The first saw great potential in me if I only raised my standards a bit. Jeans and sneakers? No, gray boat shoes with light colored slacks were more presentable. Small apartment in an old building? No, a two bedroom modern monstrosity in the new development across town was better suited to me. Oh, these I paid for since she was always maxed out on everything. This lasted two years until I finally found my nuts again and said enough. She's happily married to some corporate nitwit with the nice BMW's, the three beautiful (and immaculately dressed) children in the nicest house in the newest part of town.
I tried a project relationship once. A beautiful lady who happened to have been roughly handled in a poor family as she grew up. There was potential I thought. All I managed to do was create a monster after showing her life at a few levels above her regular standards. There was no progress on the inside, where it matters. We ended as somewhat friends, and can still talk today, but she settled on a life closer to her upbringing. Her comfort zone I guess.
I did have a relationship with a guy where it ended up that way. When we met, he had issues he was actually proactively working to resolve (actively participating in therapy, creating healthy boundaries where ones previously hadn't existed, going outside his comfort zone, etc. ).
Within about a year, maybe two, of being involved, all forward progress had stopped, and old behavioral patterns had re-emerged. Stopped therapy and the behavioral management techniques he'd learned in therapy, let abusive people back into his life, negative, self-harming behavior returned. I had entered into the relationship because of my own observation that he was doing what he needed to do to be healthy. Unfortunately, that all stopped further down the road.
Even then, I knew "fixing" wasn't on me, though.
Last edited by TabulaRasa; 04-01-2017 at 10:52 PM..
I did have a relationship with a guy where it ended up that way. When we met, he had issues he was actually proactively working to resolve (actively participating in therapy, creating healthy boundaries where ones previously hadn't existed, going outside his comfort zone, etc. ).
Within about a year, maybe two, of being involved, all forward progress had stopped, and old behavioral patterns had re-emerged. Stopped therapy and the behavioral management techniques he'd learned in therapy, let abusive people back into his life, negative, self-harming behavior returned. I had entered into the relationship because of my own observation that he was doing what he needed to do to be healthy. Unfortunately, that all stopped further down the road.
I once dated a woman who came from the projects. Does that count?
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