expectation to see each other every day? (dating, boyfriends, girlfriend)
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Me and my GF see each other perhaps 1 or 2 times a week and on the weekends despite living only 10 mins apart, mostly due to other obligations we have in our lives. Had a conversation with her yesterday that was a bit bothering to me. She stated that some of her friends want to hear from their boyfriends every day or every other day and she would have a big problem if that was an expectation of her...asked me how I felt and I said I have no issues seeing her every day if I can still continue to do my other work and if I have time I would be glad to spend it with her but I would not object to her coming over every day if she so wishes or sending me an email text daily. She was really surprised by this.
The way I see it, if we decide to move in together then eventually we WILL be seeing each other daily and if a person is not comfortable with this it could result in friction.
Do you see this as a compatibility problem in the long term? I don't want to invest 2 years into this only to find out that once we move in together she misses her private time and decides it is not for her. I have wasted enough of my life being with women not compatible with me and don't want to repeat this.
BTW, we have been dating 4 months and been in a relationship only 3 months. My personality is that I am a HIGHLY adjustable guy who hardly gets bothered by these kinds of silly issues, if she wants to come over and stare at the wall in my apt. then I really do not care... but I would want to be with someone with a similar mindset.
To be clear I am very busy myself and hardly have time to go to her place everyday but I would just like to know in theory that she would not mind hearing from me everyday.
Am I being logical here? Better to part ways?
BTW, she came to my place unannounced yesterday and I was glad to see her, even though I had some work I was planning on finishing up...I feel that if I had done the same to her she would somehow be upset..this is what bothers me. Now I have fallen behind on that work that I had planned but I don't mind as I want to make my relationship a priority.
I struggle with the correct balance of spending time with my girlfriend too. She wants to see me at least every weekend and once during the week. I really miss my weekends on my own. For me, this comes from my wants to just be lazy and play video games.
I think your girlfriend just needs her space. I dont think this is a red flag in your relationship or about how much she doesn't care. She is a human being who needs her alone time. Also, I think actually living together is different. When you two live together there is the general assumption that you two dont HAVE to converse if you dont want. Also, you two can do things that you wouldn't otherwise do if you were only visiting each other. I hope that makes sense. haha.
Tricky. Everyone is different. Some people want to see each other every day and talk every minute they aren't together in person. Others are fine with once a week and a text every few days. After 4 months I definitely would want to hear from my SO everyday. At least a good morning or good night text or phone call. And see them 2 or 3 times a week. I think you guys can definitely find a balance between seeing other a little more often to satisfy you but not so often that she doesn't still feel she has her alone time and space.
Also, I wouldn't be happy if someone just showed up at my house. Call first. That's really rude to just show up. I would never do that.
If you desire and agree to see one another every day, then that is a wonderful thing. If one does and the other does not, then there might be a compatibility issue. But not necessarily a deal breaker. If neither of you requires daily contact, I see no problem if understood.
strawberry, what irks me is that she actually takes a LOT of my time, she is the one who usually texts me everyday and wants to see me...what has happened is that a lot of what I had planned to do has gone on the backburner because I enjoy spending time with her and the relationship is important so I've prioritized. But now, by this conversation, I somehow feel that tomorrow if she decides she needs space and I am the one that wants her time she would not afford me the same that I am doing now.... see my point? Her time is important...mine isn't, not good.
strawberry, what irks me is that she actually takes a LOT of my time, she is the one who usually texts me everyday and wants to see me...what has happened is that a lot of what I had planned to do has gone on the backburner because I enjoy spending time with her and the relationship is important so I've prioritized. But now, by this conversation, I somehow feel that tomorrow if she decides she needs space and I am the one that wants her time she would not afford me the same that I am doing now.... see my point? Her time is important...mine isn't, not good.
I see...so she wants you to be available whenever it suits HER, but not vice versa? I think it's perfectly acceptable to tell her that you're busy sometimes and you can't see her that day. It's great you make the relationship a priority, but you should still be able to maintain your own separate life at this stage in the relationship. The relationship has to work for both of you and it isn't fair for her to expect you to put your life aside whenever she says she wants to see you. Especially if she isn't doing the same for you.
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