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I was married before, and he was a man-wh*** - his word, not mine.
Neither one of us cared about what went on before, or who did what to whom whenever.
He and I were perfectly content to explore all sorts of sexual escapades - with each other. We never asked, "Did you do this with so-and-so?"- we were too into what WE were doing with each other!
Worrying about, thinking about, and stressing over what happened in the past is a total waste of time - what happens now and in the future is what matters.
Like other posters to this topic, I was sort of obsessive about this when I was younger. My first love wasn't a virgin — he'd had two sexual partners — and I was. At the tender age of 17, this was a HUGE DEAL to me. I think it was because I had deep-seated insecurity. Would I be able to please him, sexually? Would I turn him on the most? Would he "cheat" in the future, being that he'd had more experience? Just juvenile stuff like that.
But now that I'm older ... nope. Not really. My S.O. has a past, as do I. But that's all it is — the past.
No. And if you do, you are insecure. That's a harsh reality for some, but denying it isn't fixing the problem or doing you any favors. Just making you more cynical.
Like think/want to know each detail about them and whether they still have any feelings for fantasies about those experiences?
I do.
No , he is with me now and like everyone else allowed a past. I trust him and I love him , at the end of the day he chose ME. I am insecure about many things in life but this is not one of those.
It can only be soul destroying and destructive to try and anyalyse someone else's past and agonise about it. We are very open and always have been but at the end of the day his past romantic and sexual is His and his alone and part of who he is and I have no business trying to butt in.
Unless there is an obvious problem and your partner is still holding a torch for an ex and being distracted with you and comparing you to an ex, then I don't see an issue.
He had sex with other women before me. I knew that when I met him. Period.
In my opinion going over partner's sexual past can only engender distrust, a feeling of self imposed inadequacy and lack of self confidence which in itself will have repercussions on your current relationship and make the other person unhappy and feeling almost nagged and even sometimes accused of non existing deeds or thoughts.
Relationships are hard enough without having to put a spoke into the wheels with looking back rather than forward.
No , he is with me now and like everyone else allowed a past. I trust him and I love him , at the end of the day he chose ME. I am insecure about many things in life but this is not one of those.
It can only be soul destroying and destructive to try and anyalyse someone else's past and agonise about it. We are very open and always have been but at the end of the day his past romantic and sexual is His and his alone and part of who he is and I have no business trying to butt in.
Unless there is an obvious problem and your partner is still holding a torch for an ex and being distracted with you and comparing you to an ex, then I don't see an issue.
He had sex with other women before me. I knew that when I met him. Period.
In my opinion going over partner's sexual past can only engender distrust, a feeling of self imposed inadequacy and lack of self confidence which in itself will have repercussions on your current relationship and make the other person unhappy and feeling almost nagged and even sometimes accused of non existing deeds or thoughts.
Relationships are hard enough without having to put a spoke into the wheels with looking back rather than forward.
I'm just amazed that so many don't care about a potential partners past behavior. As one poster mentioned, previous history is the best indicator of future behavior. I would certainly want to know if a potential partner had been a prostitute, drug dealer, thief, murderer, been involved in sexual abuse, swinging, group sex, homosexuality or a bunch of other things. EG. I would have no interest in any woman who had killed her 2 previous husbands or cut off some man's manhood in the middle of the night.
I guess that would be a concern for people who socialize with low life... As far as the last one, it's simply laughable. If somebody killed and managed to get away with it (otherwise there would be a record of it, don't you think), chances are pretty darn good they won't confess to you, either. Use your heads, people! That's what they're for!
Well, darling, some of us make mistakes when we're young but if we don't wallow in them, we CAN learn and grow. And I fail to see where there's any misguided optimism. He grew up, learned from his past and moved on and I have the most wonderful partner in every sense - he is my partner in all things. There's no "I" in partner.
yes everyone makes mistakes that's true. But in my world all mistakes are not equal. There's little mistakes and then there's 'WTF mistakes' -- don't you agree? I guess the main factor is which category someone would place different mistakes. I don't know anything about your husband or how many times he's been married; I said it was misguided optimism b/c to me a person with 3, 4, 5, failed marriages is a 'WTF mistake' not a learning experience. But that is me and maybe that is not how you would view such a thing.
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