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Infatuation just means it doesn't last. Love means it does last. Infatuation is also a bit more selfish than love and love is more settled.
Thats true.
Also, loving someone deeply and for a long time does not mean that one knows the other person inside and out like the OP implied. One never knows the other person-and vise versa-inside and out, for one changes each day as one ages or matures.
So ... I'm trying to veer my relationships away from emotions. Look for things like loyalty, dependability, and character. Things my current girlfriend has even though I don't feel an overwhelming emotional drive towards her.
I guess I would agree with the OP. In adulthood, I never believed most of the men who told me they loved me, especially since they told me so just a few months into the relationship. One guy was divorced with a few kids and wasn't in a good situation financially, so I knew when he said I love you that he just liked the idea of having someone to escape with.
I agree that they are similar, but romantic love isnt synonomous with strong like or infatuation. I do think that we as a people confuse the two, and reasons why run the gamut because "love" and infatuation arent always easily discernible. Our experiences teach us how to tell the difference...
I question whether I myself have ever really been in love. There is only one woman (my most recent) who is even in the debate. I definitely felt like I did at times, bur as each week passes I'm becoming of the thought that maybe I really wasnt--however, I am a firm believer that true love does exist, completely different from infatuation...
I think that most, if not all, of romantic love can be explained by biology and evolutionary psychology. Romantic love between a man and a woman definitely has a solid biological basis.
This isn't a discussion about what the difference between 'infatuation' and being in love is. Well, I guess that is bound to be brought up yet again...I suppose the more I think about it, the more I think the word 'love' doesn't really have a place in the romantic world.
For me real love is 'agape' love, familial love, love between close friends - love that involves sacrificing for the other person, where their wellbeing is linked to your own.
Almost all romantic love, to me, is just strong infatuation - a sexual attraction, a strong crush. That's why I've liked girls but always felt it slightly silly to say I'm 'in love' with them.
To me, to be truly in love would require being with that person for a long time and/or knowing that person inside out, knowing their soul. Kind of where romantic and agape love meet.
I'm not saying this doesn't exist, but it's not something I've personally experienced.
I believe most relationships today are based on a combination of lust and butterflies in the stomach type high-schoolish love. There is no stronger foundation than that, that's why they come and go with the wind.
Also another thing, I might talk about in another thread is ego and wanting to feel loved as a basis for a relationship.
Nobody else's wellbeing can ever impact your own wellbeing negatively or positively.
What you are describing as "agape" sounds more like neediness to me.
"Agape" in its true form is a selfless love in that there is no expectation in return... Not expecting any sort of effect on the other person... no expectation of making them happy and no silly attaching your wellbeing to theirs.
What "agape" is not: "Here's a poem I wrote for you, a vial of my blood, and a list of sacrifices I have made for you... now will you please show me the reaction that you are happy and well... so I can feel good about myself and allow myself to now feel happy and well?"
how messed up is that?!??? ------------> Very.
"Agape" is valuing the other individual's freedom to think, act, feel, live, and love as they choose. Absolutely no strings attached
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sydney1987
Nobody else's wellbeing can ever impact your own wellbeing negatively or positively.
What you are describing as "agape" sounds more like neediness to me.
"Agape" in its true form is a selfless love in that there is no expectation in return... Not expecting any sort of effect on the other person... no expectation of making them happy and no silly attaching your wellbeing to theirs.
What "agape" is not: "Here's a poem I wrote for you, a vial of my blood, and a list of sacrifices I have made for you... now will you please show me the reaction that you are happy and well... so I can feel good about myself and allow myself to now feel happy and well?"
how messed up is that?!??? ------------> Very.
"Agape" is valuing the other individual's freedom to think, act, feel, live, and love as they choose. Absolutely no strings attached
If that's the case, very few people are capable of true 'agape' love.
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