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Overbearing, controlling fathers think they are doing the right thing for their daughters, but it almost always backfires - and the kid pays the price.
Exactly. I've always thought that having lots of rules were really a substitute for actual parenting.
If you are a parent, your chief duty isn't to force your child to remain a child forever. Instead, your primary role is to deliver your child to the cusp of adulthood able to make wise decisions and able to fend for oneself. So keeping one's daughter in a protective bubble throughout her teen years doesn't help your daughter in the long run.
I know a woman like that, and her 22-year-old daughter is incapable of making any decision on her own while the mother continues to exert control over the poor girl by withholding cash, etc. We know a train wreck when we see it, and this girl will eventually sever ties with her über-controlling mother, who will not understand why her daughter hates her.
Instead, you start teaching your daughter wisdom early on, helping her understand the consequences of bad decisions, and how to fend for herself. You teach her what to expect from boys and what to look for in boys, not just in what you say but in how you treat your own spouse. This, by the way, in no sense equates to throwing her to the wolves. Instead, you are giving her the means by which to make her own decisions and to trust you as someone to give advice -- not just make pronouncements. The more decisions she is allowed to make early on in life the better she'll get at it when she's a teenager.
Exactly. I've always thought that having lots of rules were really a substitute for actual parenting.
If you are a parent, your chief duty isn't to force your child to remain a child forever. Instead, your primary role is to deliver your child to the cusp of adulthood able to make wise decisions and able to fend for oneself. So keeping one's daughter in a protective bubble throughout her teen years doesn't help your daughter in the long run.
I know a woman like that, and her 22-year-old daughter is incapable of making any decision on her own while the mother continues to exert control over the poor girl by withholding cash, etc. We know a train wreck when we see it, and this girl will eventually sever ties with her über-controlling mother, who will not understand why her daughter hates her.
Instead, you start teaching your daughter wisdom early on, helping her understand the consequences of bad decisions, and how to fend for herself. You teach her what to expect from boys and what to look for in boys, not just in what you say but in how you treat your own spouse. This, by the way, in no sense equates to throwing her to the wolves. Instead, you are giving her the means by which to make her own decisions and to trust you as someone to give advice -- not just make pronouncements. The more decisions she is allowed to make early on in life the better she'll get at it when she's a teenager.
Exactly!
Instead of "controlling" your teen, a parents job is to teach the teen how to control themselves.
2) Curfew is midnight. No exceptions. Nothing good happens after midnight.
How do YOU know that...?
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun
Wow, rep for you An enlightened person. I'm amazed.
You see, the most enlightened advisers on this thread are obviously the men who had fun while they were their kids' age and now try to protect their daughters from men like themselves because they know them so well!
Don't you have a daughter to give some advice to? Then we'll figure out your younger days!
[1.]No rendezvous, phone calls, text messaging, etc. until I meet the kid and his parents.
[2.]Dating is for mating. Don't date anyone that does not meet the qualifications for you marrying him.
[3.]Don't date any man who is not passionate for God. Those types of fellas will not be passionate for you.
[4.]Sex is for marriage. Period.
[5.]You need to be a who person. Live and love life as though you will be single all your life. The man for you will envelope you like a glove.
[6.]Remind him that his body will fit into the bed of my pickup.
[7.]The relationship that you have with any man will change. That includes the relationship you have with me. Evaluate the fella's potential as well as his current performance.
[8.]Find out what the guys dreams and visions are. Assess how hard he is working at fulfilling them.
[9.]I am the best judge of character you have in assessing a man. Ask me anything you want about any fella that you might even consider.
[10.]While you are a teenager, you don't date anyone more frequently than you date me.
Do you agree or disagree?
It's easier to say which one I agree with - 5, 7 & 8.
As for the rest - it's insane, and you need to chill the hell out. You sound like you're stalking your own daughter. She will run for the hills as soon as she's able.
It's easier to say which one I agree with - 5, 7 & 8.
As for the rest - it's insane, and you need to chill the hell out. You sound like you're stalking your own daughter. She will run for the hills as soon as she's able.
Dead on. No communications with boys until he has met them and their parents? Why not just wrap her in bubble wrap and send her to a nunnery?
I overheard my father having a conversation recently along the lines of by a certain age, he expects most people to have had certain experiences. If he didn't want his daughters to have these experiences, he would have kept them at home and sent them to the local college.
Basically, my father is happy that his children are well-adjusted and sexually active. I'm glad he trusts us to maker our own life decisions without threatening and restricting and domineering over us in an attempt to "protect".
The most religious, restricted person I know had over 30 sex partners when she was between 15 and 18 years old.
You see, the most enlightened advisers on this thread are obviously the men who had fun while they were their kids' age and now try to protect their daughters from men like themselves because they know them so well!
Don't you have a daughter to give some advice to? Then we'll figure out your younger days!
You know, I did have fun. And I've told my daughter that she needs to enjoy her life, just be wise about how she goes about it. But at the same time, I wasn't an undiscriminating jerk either, staying monogamous within my relationships. And I turned down a lot of opportunities, too. I didn't drink a lot, and I still treated my girlfriends the way a gentleman would. Maybe that's why they continue to look me up on Facebook.
[1.]No rendezvous, phone calls, text messaging, etc. until I meet the kid and his parents.
[2.]Dating is for mating. Don't date anyone that does not meet the qualifications for you marrying him.
[3.]Don't date any man who is not passionate for God. Those types of fellas will not be passionate for you.
[4.]Sex is for marriage. Period.
[5.]You need to be a who person. Live and love life as though you will be single all your life. The man for you will envelope you like a glove.
[6.]Remind him that his body will fit into the bed of my pickup.
[7.]The relationship that you have with any man will change. That includes the relationship you have with me. Evaluate the fella's potential as well as his current performance.
[8.]Find out what the guys dreams and visions are. Assess how hard he is working at fulfilling them.
[9.]I am the best judge of character you have in assessing a man. Ask me anything you want about any fella that you might even consider.
[10.]While you are a teenager, you don't date anyone more frequently than you date me.
Do you agree or disagree?
Excellent list!
Don't listen to those who claim your list is "outdated" or "unrealistic" or otherwise not recommendable. Most of them have been brainwashed by the secular culture.
Don't listen to those who claim your list is "outdated" or "unrealistic" or otherwise not recommendable. Most of them have been brainwashed by the secular culture.
Just curious...how many kids have you successfully raised?
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An enlightened person. I'm amazed.
