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I feel trapped, depressed and totally miserable. I first wrote on this site in early 2007 in the Florida forum and I think it was considered too personal by moderators.(If anyone's interested they can read the original post.)But until they closed it, I got a lot of genuinely caring, concerned people that responded with some great advice.I wrote in the Florida forum because it has always been my dream to move there -even as a young girl growing up in NJ and now as a middle aged woman in MI. I've always hated cold, snow and unending cloudy days that stretch on for weeks at a time. Well, that time of year is rapidly approaching again. Anyway, I have a 12 year old daughter that I originally wanted to take with me, but I realize that it's probably in her best interest if I don't. I got laid off in June & have been looking for work ever since. I'm competing with thousands of others in MI in the same boat. So right now I have no job , I live with my soon to be divorced husband; he lives downstairs & I live upstairs in the same house along with my 12 year old daughter who is tragically in the middle of all this.We (my soon-to-be ex & I ) don't talk to each other & use the kitchen at different times. When we do happen to see each other we don't make eye contact and quickly leave. I have nowhere to go right now to live and without a job. My mom and 2 siblings and their families live in NJ. Not an option right now. Hence, wanting a fresh start in Florida. I basically have nothing anyway, so I might as well start over in a place that I really want to be. Oh yeah, that little fact of how am I going to support myself. That's my question. I originally wanted to move to the Sarasota area with my daughter and was quickly talked out of that. I've been going on this site since early in the year , seeing if there's anyplace that might be more realistic for a single middle aged woman who wants to start over again, has no money and desperately wants to be in a warm, sunny place with no snow! That truly is one of the most important things to me. Job-wise, I can offer customer service type experience (NWA) and pharmacy tech experience. I feel like I'd rather be poor than live in this miserable situation with an abusive husband who I haven't loved in over 20 years. Recent researching of the Florida forums makes me wonder if the Jacksonville area might be a possibility.Plus the people that comment on that particular forum (JAX) seem to be especially nice and helpful (compared with some of the other forums. ) Any comments or suggestions that anyone cares to comment on would be wonderful. Thanks again for listening.
Quinn, I recommend that you visit and lock down a job before moving here. The economy is struggling here right now. You didnt' say what your area of interest is but from what I understand even retail jobs are hard to come by right now.
It is heartbreaking to hear a story like this...I'm so sorry...
I believe the very best thing to do would be to discuss this with your daughter, how does she feel? Then, first look at schools, the crime, and job market. Although you have always had dreams to live in Florida, your daughter's life needs to now come first...that would be my only suggestion. What I really wish for you, is that you and your soon to be ex, could put your own feelings and disagreements on the back burner and do what is best for her. I don't mean a reconciliation, I just mean, to be civil to one another and discuss maturly what you both consider for her well being.
I take it that the man you're living with now is your daughters father. Are you going to leave your daughter with an abusive man?
There are shelters all over for women that have been abused. Check and see if you can get into one in Florida.
No, I realize it's not in her best interest for me to take her with me. That's why for close to a year I've been struggling with this & think the best thing might be for me to get away alone. I'm so depressed & practically non-functional, even with medication and weekly counseling. She's in counseling,too, so she has someone impartial to talk to. It breaks my heart to think of leaving her, but I don't think her seeing me like this & living with me like this can be a whole lot better. Her father won't lay a hand on her.This I am sure of. We just hate each other. The abuse was a one time culmination of a fight last December. Thanks for everyone's input & concern.
Quinn, It sounds like you have lots of emotional issues to work through. Perhaps living with your daughter isn't the best scenario for her or for you. However, to be gone completely from her life (it doesn't sound as if you could afford to frequently travel to visit) just can't be the best answer. Can you not find your own place, a job somewhere there, and start over where you can still be accessible and supportive of your daughter. I think to get your own life in order IS necessary for the health of your child.... but to be gone can only create other emotions in her. There has to be a happy medium somewhere.
Hi Quin. I hate the cold too!!! Right now I live in norther IL and hate it. I talked my husband into moving to Seminole Florida. Housing is reasonable and the Pinallas county schools are good. I have 5 children so that is important to me.
We do not have alot of $$ either. I figure whats the difference we can be broke here or there. We are not completley broke we own a home and will be able to buy a home there but just have enought to cover bills and rarely anything left over.
I feel for you. I am sorry you are in such a tough situation.
The sunshine always makes me feel better. I live in Fl. for 2 yrs and am sorry I ever left.
Last edited by Keeper; 11-16-2007 at 09:20 AM..
Reason: removed off topic
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,536,653 times
Reputation: 999
Foresight. Look into your crystal ball six years from now. I don't care what kind of condition you are in....are you willing to distance yourself from your daughter? You don't think you'll become strangers?
You are willing to exchange parenting for a fresh start, a job, sunlight?
You are far underestimating your influence on your daughter.
You value yourself so little that you think it's in her best interest to move away?
I don't understand.
Ironically, I'm divorced, have a teen daughter, like you, and am sticking it out here in Indiana, where her father lives in the same town....sticking it out until she is well established in college and then guess where I'm moving... back to my home state and back to northern Michigan.
We have such little time with them...right now I'm a 50% mom and I hate it.
Your value system is warped. You are putting yourself first and your daughter somewhere between glooming gray skies and sandy beaches.
Get over yourself. Seriously. We are moms, women with children and I don't care what you have to do, get yourself out of bed, get a cafeteria job at your daughter's school, volunteer with unwed mothers, something....but don't leave her.
And sister, with all due respect....your depression....a change environment isn't going to change a thing...you'll just have warmer water in your glass that is half empty.
And not one person say I'm being mean...I'm as compassionate as they come...but it's Dr. Phil her a$$ time.
Last edited by MainStreet; 09-20-2007 at 12:04 PM..
Foresight. Look into your crystal ball six years from now. I don't care what kind of condition you are in....are you willing to distance yourself from your daughter? You don't think you'll become strangers?
Your value system is warped. You are putting yourself first and your daughter somewhere between glooming gray skies and sandy beaches.
Get over yourself. Seriously. We are moms, women with children and I don't care what you have to do, get yourself out of bed, get a cafeteria job at your daughter's school, volunteer with unwed mothers, something....but don't leave her.
And sister, with all due respect....your depression....a change environment isn't going to change a thing...you'll just have warmer water in your glass that is half empty.
I did not read that she was going to leave her daughter? Did I miss that?
As for your last comment sun can do a lot of good for depression & there is such a thing as ice
Many people who suffer from SAD (seasonal affective disorder) head to a sunnier state.
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