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Old 04-24-2012, 12:56 PM
 
5,951 posts, read 13,055,295 times
Reputation: 4813

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rabbitluvr View Post
In the dating world, yes it does. When a woman - usually a younger one, btw - says she wants a dude with 'ambition' that's code for $ (or £, if you prefer). No way around it.

A struggling novellist/playwright/screenplay writer/whatever can have lots of 'ambition' but if he isn't bringing in the $/£ then it's no-go with the nubile chicks. Sorry, have a nice day and thank you for playing. Now go back to your basement and munch on your Cheeze Puffs and drink your Coke and have fun with yourself.
I know many, many couples that started off, with the guy being a struggling fill-in-the-blank.

What you say may be true for many, but there are plenty of examples of the woman being attracted to man with ambition yet struggling.

If anything it might be the opposite. Older women, say in their 30s, are looking to really setttle down and start a family, and you really need financial stability. Many younger women are turned on by guys that march to the beat of a different drummer because they seem exciting and different. Younger women can sometimes even hit their parents up for cash anyways if they really need it.

I also noticed you have postings a lot in the D.C./Northern Virginia forum. maybe its regional thing. I would think that area is more serious, stuffy due to the political industry, and not very artsy and creative. Believe it or not, here in LA, despite the reputation as being materialistic, (and one can no doubt find people like that here) I have met women with struggling actor/musician boyfriends.
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Old 04-24-2012, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
1,775 posts, read 3,772,319 times
Reputation: 1894
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tex?Il? View Post
I know many, many couples that started off, with the guy being a struggling fill-in-the-blank.

What you say may be true for many, but there are plenty of examples of the woman being attracted to man with ambition yet struggling.

If anything it might be the opposite. Older women, say in their 30s, are looking to really setttle down and start a family, and you really need financial stability. Many younger women are turned on by guys that march to the beat of a different drummer because they seem exciting and different. Younger women can sometimes even hit their parents up for cash anyways if they really need it.
I agree- its not always the case that ambition = money. For me, ambition means wanting whats best for you and your partner/family. Wanting whats best for you with the resources that are currently available for you at that time. If a man is a struggling PhD student with a low job but loves to teach and research, and is ambitious about learning about the world, travelling, etc - thats an appealing character trait for many women. Ambition is just 1 part of a whole equation for women. Of course, ambition and success are not mutually exclusive, you can have one without the other..
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Old 04-24-2012, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Infernuan
1,364 posts, read 1,802,757 times
Reputation: 1447
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tex?Il? View Post
I know many, many couples that started off, with the guy being a struggling fill-in-the-blank.

What you say may be true for many, but there are plenty of examples of the woman being attracted to man with ambition yet struggling.

If anything it might be the opposite. Older women, say in their 30s, are looking to really setttle down and start a family, and you really need financial stability. Many younger women are turned on by guys that march to the beat of a different drummer because they seem exciting and different. Younger women can sometimes even hit their parents up for cash anyways if they really need it.

I also noticed you have postings a lot in the D.C./Northern Virginia forum. maybe its regional thing. I would think that area is more serious, stuffy due to the political industry, and not very artsy and creative. Believe it or not, here in LA, despite the reputation as being materialistic, (and one can no doubt find people like that here) I have met women with struggling actor/musician boyfriends.
Yes. I live in the DeeCee area and the extent of 'creativity' is manifested by what fancy-schmancy colors one uses on their TPS report covers. And as a TPS report-generator, I am all too familiar with it.

No market for REAL creative types, be they writers, musicians, voice-actors (something I take a shine to), etc. in this zoo and therefore my views on 'ambition' are skewed towards the white-collar/professional BS scene. It's all I see here.
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Old 04-24-2012, 01:39 PM
 
5,951 posts, read 13,055,295 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LegalDiva View Post
I agree- its not always the case that ambition = money. For me, ambition means wanting whats best for you and your partner/family. Wanting whats best for you with the resources that are currently available for you at that time. If a man is a struggling PhD student with a low job but loves to teach and research, and is ambitious about learning about the world, travelling, etc - thats an appealing character trait for many women. Ambition is just 1 part of a whole equation for women. Of course, ambition and success are not mutually exclusive, you can have one without the other..
Sounds a little like me! Well sort of.

My background is in academics. However, after seriously looking at PhD programs, I knew I'm really a research oriented person. I love continuing to learn in my field, but I am sticking with my Masters because I really have a talent and love for teaching all the lower division courses. Communicating introductory concepts and be as engaging, bordering on entertaining while rigorous.

I teach as an adjunct at both community colleges as well as four year universities, with the goal of getting a full time position at a community college. Teaching experience is more valued than a PhD for full time positions at those schools.

I took a short break to try a career in sales, found it hell, and am applying for adjunct and full time positions for the fall.
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Old 04-24-2012, 08:35 PM
 
1,098 posts, read 1,861,994 times
Reputation: 1379
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rabbitluvr View Post
In the dating world, yes it does. When a woman - usually a younger one, btw - says she wants a dude with 'ambition' that's code for $ (or £, if you prefer). No way around it.

A struggling novellist/playwright/screenplay writer/whatever can have lots of 'ambition' but if he isn't bringing in the $/£ then it's no-go with the nubile chicks. Sorry, have a nice day and thank you for playing. Now go back to your basement and munch on your Cheeze Puffs and drink your Coke and have fun with yourself.
Ambition is great, helps you strive despite the real world waiting to give you a beat down, thought encouragement and support can go a long long way. It helps when some people have nepotism/networking, because it seems there are ALOT of people who just think anyone is capable to make more than 60k a year as bad as our job economy is without much clue what it takes to get promoted this day and age.

It makes me ponder why marriages fail more and more, as if men are content and want to be happy where their at the wives feel entitled to way too much and feel miserable.

Last edited by Cyber Surfer; 04-24-2012 at 08:46 PM..
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:02 AM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,586,084 times
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Seems like ambition is really a wanted characteristic for a possible mate. Until the guy puts his work first and divorce follows, because he doesnt have enough time for the wife.
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:05 AM
 
2,409 posts, read 3,034,015 times
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[LEFT]
This is basically how women think........very true and I pass this out to ALL of my single guy friends who are looking for wmoen or otherwise dating.......

Women are not actually attracted to men. There is a vague idea of what a man is physically, and some are better than
others aesthetically speaking, but the purely physical appearance of a man is almost inconsequential unless he is
horribly ugly or outrageously attractive.
Women are attracted to status, money, how much a man smiles and laughs, how many friends and resources a man has,
how full a man's life is--how many "cool," "exciting" and prestigious things he is doing or connected to.
They are interested in how other people view him--how many people want to be around him, how other people interact
with him and whether their interactions convey that he is special and amazing. They want him to be extremely outgoing
and aggressive, they want him to demonstrate his status over other people by dominating them in various non-violent
ways.
A woman's attraction to a man is a function of her jealousy at the thought of another woman having that man. She
doesn't care who he actually is or EXACTLY what he looks like physically, she only cares about the VALUE of the
life he has constructed around himself.
A woman basically is a greedy materialistic prostitute. Although that sounds vulgar, it's true. She trades her physical
self to buy into the success a man has created for himself.
As a man, I fall in love with how a woman is physically. I fall in love with simple parts of a woman. Like the way her
hair falls around her face, the line of her neck, her shoulders. They way her ears might peek from her hair. Her
eyelashes. The size and shape of her hands, her fingernails. The way she walks, the way she looks when she is tired or
annoyed, the sound she makes when she sneezes, coughs, or cries. The way she sits in a chair. The way she breathes
while experiencing different emotions. The way her lips move. A million little things.
Sure, a huge part of my attraction is mental, but the powerful seed of love that builds within me and crystallizes is
based greatly on visual things that set off torrents of emotion and need.
It seems to me that women almost cannot think for themselves. Their estimates of worth are based on other peoples'
estimates of worth. They don't really find an object beautiful on their own. The object becomes beautiful when other
people let her know that it is beautiful.
I'm completely unable to reconcile the differences between men and women. It seems like success with women is equal
to spending half of your life working to create a giant illusion, something vastly tiring and annoying, while sacrificing
your own true self and your own interests. We construct our lives around nest-building. We're like male birds building
nests and showing them off to attract mates. It's pathetic. Everything we do is to get women. It is a ****ing **** deal.
Someone needs to invent a drug which has no hormonal imbalance side-effects but is able to erase a man's sex drive
and attraction to women. It would increase productivity rates to incredible heights. I'd be free and happy. I'd feel
complete. I'd be able to concentrate on my biochemistry studying.[/LEFT]
[SIZE=1][SIZE=1][LEFT][/SIZE][/SIZE] [/LEFT]
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:08 AM
 
Location: Infernuan
1,364 posts, read 1,802,757 times
Reputation: 1447
Quote:
Originally Posted by misiu007 View Post
Seems like ambition is really a wanted characteristic for a possible mate. Until the guy puts his work first and divorce follows, because he doesnt have enough time for the wife.
To sum up, men simply cannot win.
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:11 AM
 
2,409 posts, read 3,034,015 times
Reputation: 2032
I'd like to see a little more ambition from women nowadays when it comes to actually knowing how to cook and fix a nice meal other than what comes out of a box, give good head on a regular basis, be able to live within their financial means.
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:15 AM
 
28,896 posts, read 53,995,814 times
Reputation: 46663
Quote:
Originally Posted by misiu007 View Post
Seems like ambition is really a wanted characteristic for a possible mate. Until the guy puts his work first and divorce follows, because he doesnt have enough time for the wife.
Well balance is important, obviously.

But here's the thing. Marriage is hard work. It requires building a life together. It is the tying of your romantic and financial futures together. And anybody who subscribes to the infantile claptrap of "Love conquers all" has just watched way too many romantic comedies. In truth, the life you build together is the stuff real love is made of.

Heck, just look around the CD Relationship forums. How many threads have been started with the basic complaint of, "You know, I was mad about the guy at the beginning. But he just sits around all day in his boxers playing World Of Warcraft while I'm going to work, paying the bills, etc. etc." I've seen dozens and dozens like that. Because after the initial rush of satisfied hormonal urges, there remains work to be done. And if one partner is doing the lion's share of the work, dissatisfaction is bound to result.

What's more, most middle-class couples in this country pretty much live on the knife's edge at all time. Most don't have three month's savings in the bank, instead living from paycheck to paycheck. So a person who just doesn't want to put that much into his ability to earn money is guaranteeing a life of insecurity for a woman and their children. Go a few years of living hand-to-mouth, and all that rainbow and butterfly stuff you read about in the fairy tales becomes nothing more than a fraud.

Now, that's not to say that a guy needs to put in a minimum of 50 hours a week at the office. It's certainly not to say that one has to be an attorney or some other professional making the big coin. What it means instead, is that the economic life of the relationship should be reasonably dependable and certainly above subsistence level, providing a stable foundation on which the rest of their life together will flourish. Relationships, just like people, are beholden to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Until you have taken care of the basic needs of food, shelter, and security, it's very hard to move on to the luxuries of self-esteem and self-actualization.
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