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Old 04-29-2012, 12:44 PM
 
22,278 posts, read 21,733,087 times
Reputation: 54735

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Have you tried picking up the phone and calling her?

My God, I can't believe I had to type that.

 
Old 04-29-2012, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,007,791 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
Everyone is perfect in a long distance relationship.

Enough time has past in your relationship to start seeing her true colors. Proceed with caution.
Really? I feel cheated in mine then.
 
Old 04-29-2012, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,001 posts, read 6,273,680 times
Reputation: 6856
There are 2 possibilities IMO -

1. She is genuinely suffering PTSD and genuinely not coping. As a man who adores her, in fact has bought a ring for her (I assume that means you intend to bind yourself to her legally, financially and physically for life ie. marriage) then WHY AREN'T YOU THERE???? She needs support and love, not a simpering weasel who goes...OMG she's NOT PERFECT!!!! What do I do??? I know! I'll go online!!

2. She doesn't have any such thing as PTSD, she is just trying to get away from you.

I'm with 2. It sounds like she knows what you're thinking and is trying to turn you off. It's working
 
Old 04-29-2012, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,171,795 times
Reputation: 22276
The fact that you are thinking of walking because of this means that you should not be with her. Personally, I think it's a horrible reason to break up with someone - it's sort of liking kicking them when they are down because they are down - but if you can't handle this - you should not be with her. If she is suffering from PTSD, she needs someone who is understanding of this and will be there for her no matter what. You clearly are not willing to do this.
 
Old 04-29-2012, 01:36 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,211 posts, read 107,931,771 times
Reputation: 116159
Good posts so far. I'd add a #3 to the preceding post (MissAnn's): She has some other problem, like alcoholism, and goes on binges during those supposed PTSD episodes.

But this is all speculation. You shouldn't be buying a ring for someone you don't seem to know that well, and whose emotional issues are resulting in your thinking of bailing on the relationship. If you can't be supportive of her (assuming the PTSD is legit), then you have some maturing to do.

I can't help noticing that you didn't ask us what types of treatments there may be for PTSD. You're not trying to be helpful to her. Instead, you're looking for an escape hatch. This doesn't bode well.

In any case, even without the PTSD, you shouldn't be buying a ring for someone whom you haven't been seeing regularly and up close. If you're serious, you should be trying to figure out how to take the relationship to the next level, like how to spend more time with her (vacations, or 3-day weekends in her town) to get to know her better.
 
Old 04-29-2012, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,007,791 times
Reputation: 9418
....and he appears to be seeking perfection. No such thing, especially in humans. Best lesson for anyone who thinks it exists. If it's not learned fast, disappointment will dominate their future.
 
Old 04-29-2012, 02:03 PM
 
1,868 posts, read 3,068,800 times
Reputation: 1627
I see a few people talking about how he should go be with her in person during this episode and while that is all well and good, in the real world it's not so easy to just pick up and go like that. Most jobs wouldn't like him taking off like that on a whim's notice for someone he is only dating, and it costs money to travel - money he might not have.

Now having said that, I do think it's a little early to marry. I agree with the advice that right now, he should just be focusing on how to spend more time with her in person. Maybe even try moving in together it they are both able and comfortable with it?
 
Old 04-29-2012, 02:18 PM
 
6,559 posts, read 12,054,379 times
Reputation: 5254
Wow, reading these posts have given me a lot to think about, and are causing me to overthink/over-anaylze more and are making me more confused. I really do love and care for this girl. You just have to understand where I'm coming from, I've been hurt and played in the past so that's why I'm a little insecure. I've also been given advice that I should avoid relationships that have drama. Also for those who say I should go see her right now, it's not like a few hours drive. She's in Japan and I'm in Italy, about a 12 hour flight.

I think what I can do now is send her a heart-felt email, even though she hasn't replied to my last email. We'll see where it goes from there.
 
Old 04-29-2012, 02:23 PM
 
366 posts, read 775,061 times
Reputation: 480
Default Slow your roll, Ke-mo sah-bee!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SEAandATL View Post
... I'm going through a bump in my relationship. It's a long distance relationship, but I felt that we were meant for each other...The only problem is that she has PTSD from an experience in her past (she was a victim of a crime). A few times, she has had an episode for a few days at a time in which she is very depressed and acts very distant. This time, it has been really bad. I haven't even heard from for 2 days (we usually email each other once a day). Now I'm debating if I should stay with her or end our relationship now. Also, I've already bought a ring. Now I'm thinking I should return it.
Love is indeed a beautiful thing, and I'm happy for you and you're SO, but it might be prudent of you if you let your "perfect girl" get into therapy and resolve her PTSD before you do something you might regret later. When someone is suffering with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) they not only cope with "depression, but anxiety, alcohol problems and more."

It seems like you treasure the possibility of a long life with this woman, so help her and yourself by telling her that;a) you love her, b) her PTSD is a temporary hindrance in her life, and c) she needs to get professional help in order for your relationship to nurture.

Good luck to both of you, and I hope you get the opportunity to live a long life together as companions.
 
Old 04-29-2012, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Davenport, Iowa
2,472 posts, read 4,214,431 times
Reputation: 3432
Quote:
Originally Posted by SEAandATL View Post
Wow, reading these posts have given me a lot to think about, and are causing me to overthink/over-anaylze more and are making me more confused. I really do love and care for this girl. You just have to understand where I'm coming from, I've been hurt and played in the past so that's why I'm a little insecure. I've also been given advice that I should avoid relationships that have drama. Also for those who say I should go see her right now, it's not like a few hours drive. She's in Japan and I'm in Italy, about a 12 hour flight.

I think what I can do now is send her a heart-felt email, even though she hasn't replied to my last email. We'll see where it goes from there.
Why can't you call her? If something serious is happening I'd much rather hear it than read an email.

I would have trouble devoting my life to someone with whom I hadn't consistently spent a lot of time. I understand why people have long distance relationships, I'd just much rather have a short distance relationship before making any major decisions.
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