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OP, the most important question to ask yourself at this very moment in time is why you're putting yourself in situations that make you angry.
Do you have a right to be angry? You sure do — at least I'd say so, given what you've written about your relationship with this girl. I agree with the others who stated that it sounds like she was keeping you around as a back-up.
So why did you let this happen?
It's not about her anymore. It's about you. Why continue to get in contact with someone whose rebuffs make you angry? This is what you need to work on.
Okay, you contacted her, got the brush off, she asked you again not to contact her (that includes texting), said what you had to say, be done with it. Call it closure and don't contact her again.
Continued persistant contact gives her reason to file harassment (notice harassment contains the word @ss). Is it worth having on your background check for would be employers? Perhaps you need to be arrested, finger printed and call your parents for bail before the wake-up call.
How a person with issues of abuse can be quickly indentified....say the word 'no'.
Like the previous poster said, you need to work on that.
honestly, id probably leave wherever i was and go sulk/cry somewhere. hahaha. honestly, i dont know if the urge to curse her out through text would come about. i know id be insanely depressed/sad, though, but id never walk up to her and yell at her.
i guess i need to make sure that wont happen. but idk how.
Start by removing her phone numbers from your contacts and unsubscribing from any and all social media feeds attached to her.
She asked me who this is. She doesn't even remember my number. Dated a year and a half doesnt remember my number. I was so hurt, heartbroken.
All I said was its me, Mike. Ouch?
She said sorry. it was clear she didnt want to talk to me.
I just asked if she was okay
she said shes fine
And I said why do you have to be like this
She said stop texting me
I was mad. I realized this was my trigger. Her being stubborn and unreasonable.
I didnt curse her out. I was just like "why do you have to be like this? i just want to make sure you were okay. i see since you just forget my number i understand what i was to you. thanks for using me and thanks for being so unreasonable. this is why i get mad."
she wouldnt answer, so i texted her again. I asked her if she wanted me out of her life for good to just tell me so i wouldnt be holding on to nothing. she wouldnt answer, i called her twice. i just said i was dissappointed in her and that im gone for good. i hope your happy this way
now, i know i shouldnt have texted her or pestered her when she didnt answer. that was wrong. but i didnt curse her out. i barely even yelled or texted in a mad way. yeah, inside me i wanted to curse. but i didnt. is this a good sign? am i making a lil progress?
You don't see the whole picture, son. Google "the power and control wheel", and compare it to the behavior you've displayed [in this text] towards her. You'll be surprised at what you're missing - I promise you.
I didnt curse her out. I was just like "why do you have to be like this?
You blew it again...by saying that...... you're inferring that she's done or is doing something wrong...had I been her....I would have immediately hung up on you too.
She asked me who this is. She doesn't even remember my number. Dated a year and a half doesnt remember my number. I was so hurt, heartbroken.
All I said was its me, Mike. Ouch?
She said sorry. it was clear she didnt want to talk to me.
I just asked if she was okay
she said shes fine
And I said why do you have to be like this
She said stop texting me
I was mad. I realized this was my trigger. Her being stubborn and unreasonable. Your behaviour is HER FAULT?
I didnt curse her out. I was just like "why do you have to be like this? her fault again... i just want to make sure you were okay. i see since you just forget my number i understand what i was to you. thanks for using me and thanks for being so unreasonable. passive aggressive much?this is why i get mad."her fault again
she wouldnt answer, so i texted her again. psychotic, stalky behaviourI asked her if she wanted me out of her life for good to just tell me so i wouldnt be holding on to nothing. she wouldnt answer, i called her twice.more stalking! i just said i was dissappointed in herhow about being disappointed in yourselfand that im gone for good. i hope your happy this way her fault again
now, i know i shouldnt have texted her or pestered her when she didnt answer. that was wrong. but i didnt curse her out. i barely even yelled or texted in a mad way. barely even? I thought you weren't going to do it AT ALL??yeah, inside me i wanted to curse. but i didnt. is this a good sign? am i making a lil progress?
Your problems run very deep...if this is you trying to be reasonable, I'd hate to see what you think is extreme. You need to keep out of the bars and get some anger management help...I think you are beyond books...I think you show the makings of a very abusive individual. You are blaming her over and over again for the way you are behaving....typical abuser behaviour.
See a professional...ASAP. And own your own behaviour.
About three weeks into summer. I'm doing good, hanging out with friends. Haven't spoken to her since that last instance. But as I was reading these books they emphasized just apologizing sincerely for what you did because guilt or whatever I forget. But I knew I felt bad for a while and I wanted to sincerely apologize.
So I texted her, I asked her if I could see her. She obviously said no and I said thank you I understand. But I knew I just needed to do this, so I sent her a text saying everything I shouldve.
How it wasent her fault, my behavior is my responsibility and iapologize that i made it seem like it was her fault. i said i just wanted her to be happy, and thank her for everything. i said i didnt do this to get baxck with you, but because its important to me that you know im trying to learn from my behavior. i also apologized sincerely and just said have a good summer and semesters to come.
she said thank you for everything also, that she appreciated the message and to have a good time at summer/school too. so I guess thats it.
Hell, I should've known it was over for good. i guess I've just been in denial hoping that she was going to call me or text me. But I understand that will never happen now. I screwed up and I hope she can be happy.
And as much as I screwed up lately with the yelling, and please dont be like oh hes raitionalizing his behavior. i understand the WAY i expressed my anger was completely wrong. immature, cowardly, abusive. however, she did do quite a few things to make me mad. it doesnt make what i did excusable, mind you, but at least I am trying to understand that it just wasent meant to be, despite how long i thought it was.
am i over her? **** no. I still think about her all the time. i do truly care about her, and i plan to let her go. i guess i just cant keep in denial thinking shes gonna text me or talk. its hard, yaknow? especially for a first love like me
but ill keep tryin to stay busy. do a fraternity at my school so i can meet new girls. im reading books and stuff and i feel like im really starting to make a change. starting, mind you, definetly not there, at least i think.
so whether all of u guys have me convinced im a bad guy, im not. am i an emotional abuser, i am. and i can say i WAS. cause ill change it. one thing ive learned that is what you like about yourself you never let go. if you want to change something, do it until your content. i realize i did things wrong, but i dont wanna carry the guilt of hurting her anymore.
i apologized, im trying to learn, and i let her go. all and all i think i did the right thing. who knows. not important.
just thought id let the forum know. guess tomm ill be trying to get her out of my head and try to move on for good. feels weird, since i feel like i love her so much.
well, whatever. not here to bore you guys. comments appreciated. thanks for reading
I , for one , don't think you're so bad. I have a temper , too and am working on myself. Keep your phone away from you when drunk , don't (in the future) hound anyone via text. Etc. You'll be ok. Best wishes to you . Keep working on yourself.
Thank you for that. it feels good to know im not alone.
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