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i come from a different culture and didn't realize that the "what can he do for me" mindset was so maternally implanted. No surprise then how many women end up being superficial and gold diggers.
This younger sister, however, seems to have survived that relationship indoctrination. The "he gets her in a way that other guys she dated did not" is a mark of a solid alpha male, which is confirmed by his work ethic. In time, he will figure it out and will turn this around. Many of these types of guys make it happen despite their education level, such as starting their own business. I once did some contracting work for a guy who came from nothing and ended up owning a gas station at one of the busiest corner of the city and his business was rockin, all on street smarts (plus faith and motivational tapes). Fyi, a couple of his non-college educated mechanics also ended up starting their own successful businesses too.
There are also many guys who can handle their wives making more money, but it takes some personal inner strength and confidence to deal with the additional relationship strains that involves. For example, i've seen it several times when the wife suddenly earns more money than her husband, she now wears the pants in the relationship. forget that, i know couldn't deal with a bossy wife --so that's her key to a successful relationship with him, don't screw it up by slowly demeaning his sense of self-worth.
I wonder how a marriage with such economic disparity survives and how they work out the roles.
Probably pretty close to the same way the disparity would work out were the roles reversed, if people are smart. In the case of my next door neighbors, the wife is the primary breadwinner, working as a communications officer for a large bank, while the husband just finished his PhD. He is now eligible to apply for professorial positions around the country, but I have no idea what his projected income will be in relation to hers. Of course, he is also Scandinavian, by birth, and lived in Sweden for much of his life before becoming a U.S. citizen, so he is accustomed to Sweden's comparatively much more progressive take on gender roles.
Also, not for nothing, but alimony varies state to state.
For example, i've seen it several times when the wife suddenly earns more money than her husband, she now wears the pants in the relationship. forget that, i know couldn't deal with a bossy wife --so that's her key to a successful relationship with him, don't screw it up by slowly demeaning his sense of self-worth.
Lol...I think the whole 'wears the pants in the family' idea is completely immature and archaic.
No one should wear the pants. You are a TEAM. Why is that so hard for people to wrap their heads around?
I think "provider" came into context due to the presence of an entire family. Obviously, minor children aren't going to be their own providers, and a sole income may or may not be sufficient to provide for children, depending on what the income is. So while ideally, a spouse shouldn't ever get him/herself into a position where he/she is dependent upon the other partner for his or her financial wellbeing for the long term, a spouse may WELL depend upon the other partner for their children's financial wellbeing.
I completely agree with you. A short period of time child rearing is somewhat acceptable but otherwise depending on another for money is just foolish, especially for women.
I completely agree with you. A short period of time child rearing is somewhat acceptable but otherwise depending on another for money is just foolish, especially for women.
I disagree. It's not foolish for a woman to depend on a man. In fact, it's foolish for a woman to think she can live without man. I mean, who is going to kill the spider on the wall of your bedroom?
Just face it, you need us just as much as we need you. End of story!
I disagree. It's not foolish for a woman to depend on a man. In fact, it's foolish for a woman to think she can live without man. I mean, who is going to kill the spider on the wall of your bedroom?
Just face it, you need us just as much as we need you. End of story!
I grew up expecting to take care of myself and that's what I did. I have never been supported by anyone other than my parents. I always made more than my share of the money. As a matter of fact you could say I was the 'breadwinner'.
Not everyone in this world is a doctor, lawyer, or an engineer. We don't all pick or fall into careers that pay well. But someone still has to be the artist, musician, or writer. Many of us walk through life and just do whatever will give us a decent living. I have great respect for people with talent and passion for what they do. The people who are driven to be what they are. These people aren't stupid. They know darn well their path doesn't usually lead to riches.
Marriage is a partnership based on love and long term compatibility. Marriage is also a small business and you do the best you can with the finances available. You plan your future based on your earning potential as a team. If you marry a struggling artist, it probably isn't reasonable to plan on having a large family and being a SAHM. That's reality. If you want to be a SAHM that badly, reconsider your choice of a mate. Just remember, for everything you get, you also lose something!
To answer your basic question I'd say "Yes". It seems to me that the more women do, the less the men do. Not always, but often.
Men seem to need to have that pressure of their backs being up against the wall before they make the necessary changes to improve their career prospects, etc. If they are let off the hook, they often end up being lazy bums or underachievers.
Of course, women can get carried away with unreasonable expectations.
I'm wondering why this woman got pregnant by this guy in the first place. i think she's going to be disappointed. It seems to me there's a good chance the baby would be better off being given up for adoption.
So the guy working two jobs is a "lazy bum" because he can't meet his wife's dream of staying at home and not working? Riiight......
I also disagree that adoption would be best. We aren't talking about drug addicts on welfare. What would be best for the child is for the mother to continue working her good paying job and finding a good daycare and shelving or putting on hold her currently unrealistic dream of staying home and not working.
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