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. He is currently working two jobs, one during the day(physical labor), and one at night(so to have money saved up for the baby).
When I asked my friend, what she thought about her sisters situation. My friend said she was very upset. She feels that if a man is not able to be a provider, or is not willing to provide his woman the lifestyle that she is accustomed to or wants then he does not love her deeply enough and is not much of a man. .
The guy is working two jobs and her sister questions his commitment as a provider?!!!! WTF?!
If YOU (as a woman or a man) want a certain lifestyle, it is up to YOU to go get it. Not your spouse/partner/etc.
I think your friend's sister has her head up her ass.
Oh, and I hope the friend's sister isn't poisoning her mind with this claptrap. If she keeps hearing stuff like this, it could drive a wedge in their marriage.
It is a good point that women have options regarding the SAHM, and I have no issues with couples that mutually make that decision.
On the other hand, the OP story brings up the question of whose choice is it. It sounds like the woman seems to think she should be the only one making the decision and its the man's responsibility to make massive changes to his life to accomdate her whims and that if he deosn't agree to her terms then he must not love her. To me, that is the height of selfishness and entitlement.
We agree. I said something similar earlier in the thread. I was just responding to the idea that because it's "not 1957," the choice to stay home is somehow archaic. On that point, I disagree.
To the OP and your point, I absolutely agree. This guy is already working 2 jobs. The fact that he has less earning potential is not going to change. She should have him stay home with the kids if having a parent home is important to her. My good friend is in a similar position. She's fortunate to have her mom willing to care for the potential children. Otherwise, she has told me that she would like her husband to stay home for the first few years. He doesn't want to because it makes him feel like less of a man. So to each their own. I don't think there is one way to raise a family. This girl is going to have the cold water of reality splashing her in the face soon enough. She'll get it.
One of my best friends younger sister(who happens to be 23) is currently pregnant by a man she went to highschool with. He is also 23. They are engaged. He is currently working two jobs, one during the day(physical labor), and one at night(so to have money saved up for the baby). This young man chose not to go to college, and earning potential at his current occupation is not very high. As it stands he does not earn very much, but is a hardworker, and is the best worker at both jobs he works at. The issue is that my friend's sister is college educated, and works at a marketing communications firm making decent money for her age, and has higher earning potential. It is very obvious that most likely he will not make as much as her, and that for all intents and purposes she will probably take on more of the financial burden for this baby. My friends says her sister talks about living in a nice neighborhood, buying a house, eventually one day being A SAHM(if they have other kids) and sending this baby(and other children) to good schools. However the reality is that her "so" would not be able to provide this sort of lifestyle with just his income alone.
When I asked my friend, what she thought about her sisters situation. My friend said she was very upset. She feels that if a man is not able to be a provider, or is not willing to provide his woman the lifestyle that she is accustomed to or wants then he does not love her deeply enough and is not much of a man. She feels that a man should be willing to do whatever to provide the woman in his life(his wife that is) with the lifestyle she desires, and that if he is not able to do so with his current income, he needs to take the necessary steps to be able to do so(i.e. going to back to college, going to a different industry etc).
She is very oldschool with her beliefs. This is not the first time I've heard someone say something like this. My mom at one point had expressed similar beliefs, and had a made point, when I was growing up, to make sure that we asked any man that we decided to date "what can you do for me?"
So this brings me to the question--do people still have these beliefs? Are they realistic? If a woman desires a nice life, should her husband, fiance, whatever do whatever it takes to give her the life she wants, even if it means doing things he does not want?
Is it bad for a man to not be able to be the sole provider, or the provider at all?
And for the record, when I asked how her sister ended up with this man, being that her sister was an educated, attractive woman, with a decent income--she said that they were best friends all through highschool and fell back in touch her last year of college, and that he "gets her" in a way that the other guys she dated did not. I asked if she(her sister) had thought about the guys earning potential and the impact it would have on the lifestyle she desires before making the decision to get engaged and have a baby, and apparently the sister did, but at 23 I'm assuming, not enough.
Anyway just looking for input. I'm interested in seeing if people still believe in these things.
To answer your basic question I'd say "Yes". It seems to me that the more women do, the less the men do. Not always, but often.
Men seem to need to have that pressure of their backs being up against the wall before they make the necessary changes to improve their career prospects, etc. If they are let off the hook, they often end up being lazy bums or underachievers.
Of course, women can get carried away with unreasonable expectations.
I'm wondering why this woman got pregnant by this guy in the first place. i think she's going to be disappointed. It seems to me there's a good chance the baby would be better off being given up for adoption.
They need to get married as soon as possible to avoid having an illegitimate birth. But it's a good thing he didn't stay in college or else, he would have racked up thousands in debt and be paying them off for years to come. As long as he works hard, he should be able to move up his work ranks, and over time, he'll be able to make a higher income. Which is why I think college is a waste of time and money for most people. Another factor is if they cut back on spending, spend their money on only necessities, save whatever they can and build up their savings, they should be fine.
I don't know why some of you suggest the guy stays at home to raise the baby, that's not what he's supposed to do. He's the one that needs to be working and providing for his future wife and baby. The future mother is the one that should stay at home. She's the mother and has more of a nurturing instinct than he would, plus the baby would need to be breastfed, etc. It being "2012" has nothing to do with it, this isn't the 1970s anymore.
That's a nice sexist attitude you have there . Good luck in finding a women who isn't part of the duggar clan. And illegitimate birth are you kidding me? There are still people who try to shame the fact people have kids outside of marriage *rollseyes*
MALE lions are the only ones that can snap the neck of the alpha hyena's neck - The natural enemy to young lions and female lions. His job is not so much being a "provider" but a patron - a pappa - a protector. The female hunts and kills...The male makes sure that the female is safe- that the babies are safe- so they can do their natural function- To much importance has been put on the male human as far as his providing skills and not enough on his real function- his protective skills.
All of my adult children are healthy and strong and are thriving..I was a poor provider- but a great protector.
Hyneas are no threat to female lions unless in large packs. Adult lions of both sex tend to ignore the creatures unless they threaten their offspring or kills.
I'll never understand why any guy would want to be a "provider" for any woman that isn't his mother (or a very close relative like an aunt/grandmother).
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. Good luck in finding a women who isn't part of the duggar clan. And illegitimate birth are you kidding me? There are still people who try to shame the fact people have kids outside of marriage *rollseyes*
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