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Is this topic about making a woman melt in your arms or men who are too posessive?
I'm not sure if I can answer the question in one simple sentence, other than just being a decent guy, who respects the woman, as well as being honest and truthful with her. I know to be myself, and I don't put on a mask to give them an impression of a person I'm not.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess you’re a young guy trying to figure out all this woman stuff thinking that the girl you just met is the one and you need to impress the heck out of her to keep her, well your trying to wrap up Christmas, new years, fourth of July, and thanksgiving all into one and it won’t work.
Spread it out and you’ll be ok, don’t try so hard, I’m an old married fart so I’ve been around the block many times, I clean house, cook, have taken care of the kids when not working, changed diapers and I’m talking cloth not disposable, yea the old dunk dunk in the toilet (try that sometime), done stuff I absolutely hated but did it anyway, do dishes, fix the cars, who likes cleaning the toilet but I do it, fix what ever needs fixin, you name it I pretty well did it.
That’s what a real man does, your kind, gentle, emotional, supportive, understanding, but yet your not a wimp either, you need to run on an even keel, spontaneous at times but not hog wild crazy, doing all the stuff you mention is not gonna get you any more brownie points than the guy that doesn’t do them, all your doing is being fake just be yourself and let the chips fall were they may, and the last time a woman melted in my arms, ahhhh mrs butterworths
i find it funny, how when a guy is trying to do something nice. he is trying to do something genuine women think the worse. no one like flowers any more, or a guy who will take charge? he is going out for you, and you automatically think negative?
so what would you want? a guy yell at you, kick the dog, and throw the lamp against the wall? what was said, was not all the time, and nothing bad, controlling, or no compunction. and i wonder, if you do not want a guy to be nice... then what do you want a man to do for you?
No, and your going I believe from one extreme to another. Go back and read your first post....
the things you proposed to do for someone are very nice and throughtful, but not all at once, and not every single day...a once in a while nice thought is great, flowers are great, especially for special occassions....but a woman wants a man to be more sensitive to her needs in the way of helping around the house....and nice thoughtful things can be done very subtly, instead of hitting her with every thing at once...if you should accomplish all of what you posted in one week....what else would be left.
I would not want to be pampered at work...I mean, if we met for lunch once in a while, that would be great....but to just show up? What if I had plans to go out to lunch with someone else?
Pampering is nice, once in a while, but you also have to take into account the other person's feelings....I do know one gal who is so needy, she would probably love her hubby to do this....but for the most part, I believe most women would not like it to this degree.
Let me try and explain it this way...it's Christmas...and you buy everything imaginable for your lady, a new car, a luxurious vacation to the islands, diamonds, clothes, shoes, a coat...other jewelry, gift certificate to a spa, to get her nails done, perhaps for make up, perhaps to the hair dresser....now remember, you bought her all this for one Christmas....what is there left to not only surprise her with, to top that for next Christmas....?
This is how your post came off, like everything at once....
Your desire to please a woman if very kind....but you can also please a woman, just by listening....and being there, and helping her around the house....with chores....pampering is nice, and preserved for special thoughtful occassions, yanno?
i find it funny, how when a guy is trying to do something nice. he is trying to do something genuine women think the worse. no one like flowers any more, or a guy who will take charge? he is going out for you, and you automatically think negative?
so what would you want? a guy yell at you, kick the dog, and throw the lamp against the wall? what was said, was not all the time, and nothing bad, controlling, or no compunction. and i wonder, if you do not want a guy to be nice... then what do you want a man to do for you?
medicineman, Here's the point. One thing now and then is nice. What you are talking about is passive aggressive. If a women is upset by this behavior you can just jump in and say..."Hey. I was just trying to be nice". If you look at each action on its own, it is nice. (Well, except for telling her she *must* have lunch with you and giving her no choice in front of her peers. That one is scary.) But all of them more than once every couple of months is controlling and manipulative. I'd much rather get a smile and eye contact than any of what you posted above. And a man who *listens* is a dream come true. Taking out the garbage without being asked is the ultimate foreplay. joee, who cleans toilets and dunks cloth diaper, wow!!!!!!!
Add to that the post above....you make a completely opposite point. This is how I read it: "So! You don't want nice?!? How about if I yell, kick the dog, and throw the lamp against the wall!?! You would like that???!!!!" That triggers textbook fear from any woman who has been abused physically or emotionally.
"....more of something happened when you need it." That's *you* making all the decisions. How do you know for certain what someone else needs?
Maybe your culture and my culture are different. Maybe some women in other cultures want this sort of treatment. I will venture a guess and suggest that the majority of American women are not comfortable with so much attention and expecting performance from them in return.
When you do anything expecting a particular result from others, it is manipulative. When you give a gift expecting something in return, other people sense it. When you give something from your heart and expect nothing in return, you win trust. When you win trust, you earn respect. When you earn respect, you may receive the love you are looking for. It's a long investment process.
i find it funny, how when a guy is trying to do something nice. he is trying to do something genuine women think the worse. no one like flowers any more, or a guy who will take charge? he is going out for you, and you automatically think negative?
so what would you want? a guy yell at you, kick the dog, and throw the lamp against the wall? what was said, was not all the time, and nothing bad, controlling, or no compunction. and i wonder, if you do not want a guy to be nice... then what do you want a man to do for you?
Personally, I think it's great when a man does something nice for a woman everyday, like calling her on the phone to say I love you. (once is enough) sending flowers occasionally, taking out the trash, cleaning up the house, taking a bath or shower together, romance and attention but not in your face constantly.
I also know of a lot of women and have known women over the years that enjoy being treated like dirt. Don't know why but there seem to be a lot of them around.
There are also women that don't feel the need for romance and attention, so they think it's weird when a man sends flowers or any other romantic gesture. They may be insecure and think everyone's out to get or stalk them.
Depends on the woman you're talking to.
I do like romance which most men aren't all that great at anyway. They need to be prompted and trained the way we like our romance.
as i read over the comments placed about this subject, let me say i have done something on this line before and she loved it. the only difference is i was in my home country. what was said, was not an everyday thing, once in a good while when her man can see she needed a "pick me up" not daily, because, i would get tired of it myself. being i am here, i guess i wanted to find out how the women would respond to such an event. and i received responses i did not think i would have received. this is a learning thing for me me. nothing more. so keep replying...
and for the record, did she melt yes. she did. she saw what was being done, and the intent of what was happening. when i touched her softly she melted. and that happened again when i dated someone here, in the states, i touched her in the same way and she melted. a gift i guess... i do not know.
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