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Old 05-03-2012, 02:48 PM
 
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This is about NON romantic relationships. Just want some opinions on something that is irritating me.

How do you view your relatives exes? I have always remained on good terms and even consider them still family under most circumstances. So I was a bit upset at my granny’s funeral because one aunt (who took control of the arrangements) refused to acknowledge the ex wife of my deceased uncle. They were married for ~29 years and had one child. They just had problems living together and grew apart after their child was grown and he had an affair. Neither ever remarried and they stayed on a very friendly bases. My uncle continued to help my aunt financially even tho he didn’t have to. When my uncle got sick he asked his ex to remarry him, but she didn’t. Through all of this she remained good friends with the family, attending events and such. There were never any hard feelings.

So, In an obituary when the children and their spouses are listed, would you list the ex spouse of a deceased child if the divorce were amicable and that ex spouse remained in friendly contact with the family over the years or should they not be listed?
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Old 05-03-2012, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
155 posts, read 216,063 times
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Ex spouses of family members are NOT family. This means ex spouses of brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, etc.

I would NOT list the divorced ex spouse. They should NOT be listed.
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:01 PM
 
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No, I would not list the exes in an obituary. Technically, they are not family. However, I wouldn't ignore or mistreat the ex either. If they were friendly before death, treat them the same way you'd treat any of the deceased's friends.
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:06 PM
 
28,900 posts, read 49,174,466 times
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You know, families are strange things. There are the legal members of the family, and there are the practical members of the family. This woman remained part of the life of this family for years after the divorce papers were signed, and there was obviously a strong bond between the two. If the guy wants an ex in the obituary, he should have had his wish.
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:07 PM
 
8,680 posts, read 13,989,221 times
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Obituaries tend to be pretty formal and only include official family.

However, not to acknowledge her at all at the service was cold. She may have been his ex, but she was a big part of his life and was his partner in raising your cousin. If there were no hard feelings between your uncle and her, your aunt should have had the grace to include some mention of her. Rude, to act like a 29-year marriage never happened. Maybe she's ticked that him helping his ex meant less for her to inherit, herself.

Yes, I am that cynical. You find out what people are made of when someone dies. Sometimes you discover how warm and compassionate people can be, and other times you find out who is a socially inept, self-absorbed, greedy monster.
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:10 PM
 
7,222 posts, read 6,066,291 times
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I've seen obituaries that have listed best friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, and dogs. There are no rules for this sort of thing, people should do what the deceased would have wanted.
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:10 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 92,357,022 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
This is about NON romantic relationships. Just want some opinions on something that is irritating me.

How do you view your relatives exes? I have always remained on good terms and even consider them still family under most circumstances. So I was a bit upset at my granny’s funeral because one aunt (who took control of the arrangements) refused to acknowledge the ex wife of my deceased uncle. They were married for ~29 years and had one child. They just had problems living together and grew apart after their child was grown and he had an affair. Neither ever remarried and they stayed on a very friendly bases. My uncle continued to help my aunt financially even tho he didn’t have to. When my uncle got sick he asked his ex to remarry him, but she didn’t. Through all of this she remained good friends with the family, attending events and such. There were never any hard feelings.

So, In an obituary when the children and their spouses are listed, would you list the ex spouse of a deceased child if the divorce were amicable and that ex spouse remained in friendly contact with the family over the years or should they not be listed?
Family is not always people who are blood related.

Family is people who care for and take care of one another.

What your aunt did seems petty to me, especially if the child of the divorced couple is still alive.
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:12 PM
 
28,900 posts, read 49,174,466 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne View Post
I've seen obituaries that have listed best friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, and dogs. There are no rules for this sort of thing, people should do what the deceased would have wanted.
This. Normally I am the upholder of formalities. I like them for the structure they provide and the continuity with the past. But what on earth does this hurt?
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
155 posts, read 216,063 times
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I think the only person who is making a big deal of this is 2Mares herself. Im sure the widow of her deceased uncle is not losing any sleep over not being mentioned in her ex husbands mothers obituary.
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:27 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,639,162 times
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Basically it should be as the deceased would have wanted.

If the deceased was on good terms and there are mutual children involved, to not acknowlege that seems rude and presumptive.

Personally I would turn in my grave if ANYONE put my ex on any obit of mine, but we are not on good terms and everyone knows it.

If the ex thinks they should be referenced and are not, there is nothing stopping them putting in their own obituary, which may or may not be interpreted as a subtle "F*** You".
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