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This is the thing. In order for the guy to contact you, he has to actually talk to you, and then he has to ask for your number, or suggest exchanging contact info. If he can't bring himself to do more than make a light comment here and there, if that, he can't contact you, even if he's interested.
I have a different scenario. "If a guy is interested, he'll let you know he's interested." And the rest may be up to you. He'll either try to catch your eye repeatedly, and smile, or he'll make a passing comment as your paths cross in the gym, or at the end of class, or he'll have his buddy invite you to sit with their group at the concert, or he may initiate conversations several times. He'll make it very clear he's interested, one way or another, but he won't be able to bring himself to ask for your number, out of fear of rejection. With these guys, you have to help him along: help sustain the conversation, be friendly when you see him and initiate the conversation yourself, eventually you just ask if he wants to get together and do something sometime, or you ask, would he like to go for a cup of coffee and continue the conversation. Women who always wait for the guy to make the move may end up waiting for the rest of their lives. They may miss out on meeting their dream guy, because he couldn't take the big step and ask for your number.
^^ I suppose yes there are men like that. See, normally I would be the one dropping all the hints and waiting for the guy to initiate. I just think it works better for me, as I have better luck letting the guy do the asking. I also wonder if a woman is giving a guy every hint she can, and the guy is STILL too chicken to ask her out... i wonder if this turns women off?
Because while I want a man to be a sweetheart, I also need a man to be able to step up. I like a man who is not an a$$ to women, and respects them, but I also like a man who knows when and how to step up and take charge. I like a happy medium. A guy who cant ask a woman out when she is practically falling over him and dropping every hint she can, doesnt seem like he will 'step up' in his role as a man any other time. I mean, i like sweet, kind men who treat me nice, but I also like them to have some balls. Guys that cant even ask a woman out when she has a sign on her forehead saying 'ask me out' ....Will he be a door mat in our relationship? Will he protect me if need be? Will he have a back bone? Will he ever be able to make decisions? Because even being the independent woman I am, I still want a man that I can look up to. Yeah...happy medium is the key.
men aren't afraid of rejection per se.. they're afraid of being rejected a certain way.. for instance if you approach a girl and she says she has a boyfriend.. whats there to feel bad about? its like asking shoe store if they have your shoe and they tell you its out of stock.
what men are afraid of is being laughed at.. or told some crap like "eww omg get away from me you freak".. which in my shoe analogy would be the equivalent of going up to the salesperson at the shoe store, asking for a size 7 EEEEE... and them responding with "wtf we dont carry shoes for mutant feet like yours you freak"
what guys need to know is that most if not all women won't laugh in your face or tell you to fk off.. hasnt happened to me yet. some will have bf's.. some will lie and say they have bf's. some will say they're not interested. grow a pair and get over it. its better to approach than to go on and on wondering "what if".
This is a great post! And very true of women. Not all of us are mean.
Because while I want a man to be a sweetheart, I also need a man to be able to step up.
I used to think like this, then I realized I was missing out by not being more forthcoming. But I don't have very good hint-dropping skills, that's not something I do, usually. I'm usually friendly in a more straightforward way, I'm not coy. So in a way, your post and mine are describing very different situations. That's interesting. With me, it's usually the guys who are dropping the hints, and waiting to see if I respond.
You are dude, just because a girl asks you out doesn't automatically mean she's going to drop her panties that night. Many girls asks guys out because they want to get to know the guy, not their dick.
Agreed!! Well said!! And a girl who asks a guy out means she's very confident in herself!
You have no idea how I care about appearing. I have never heard anyone called loose in my lifetime except by old guys. Maybe its an age thing, or even a location thing, but you sound like a dinosaur pops.
I know what I am and what I am not, if you are so shallow you judge people based on whether or not they are giving out their numbers, then I have no interest in you. Shallow is even less attractive to some (including me) than promiscuity.
... well his name is "bignutz"... enough said, haha!
I believe this to be true. So when , as a female , can you initiate contact? How long to let him do all the initiating of contact?
I think it is perfectly ok for a woman to initiate contact when she is interested in a man. I have been with my present husband for 15 years now and at the time I got interested in him, he was all into this other woman and I was kinda panic stricken cuz I did like him. He would take this other woman out for lunch or she would come into our office and ask for him..it killed me! I would ask him out for lunch occasionally or tell him there was something wrong with my computer and he would have to come into my office to fix it. As time went by, he lost interest in this other woman and I did ask him to go to the movies with me..as friends. He blew me off!! LOL....I didn't give up, I asked him again and this time I FELL ASLEEP in the theatre. We saw "Contact" with Jodie Foster..so boring! He claims now that I snored so loud the manager had to come ask him to quiet me down! LOL. Yes, if a woman is interested in a man, perfectly ok to make contact first; just be careful as to the intensity of the contact!
men aren't afraid of rejection per se.. they're afraid of being rejected a certain way.. for instance if you approach a girl and she says she has a boyfriend.. whats there to feel bad about? its like asking shoe store if they have your shoe and they tell you its out of stock.
what men are afraid of is being laughed at.. or told some crap like "eww omg get away from me you freak".. which in my shoe analogy would be the equivalent of going up to the salesperson at the shoe store, asking for a size 7 EEEEE... and them responding with "wtf we dont carry shoes for mutant feet like yours you freak"
what guys need to know is that most if not all women won't laugh in your face or tell you to fk off.. hasnt happened to me yet. some will have bf's.. some will lie and say they have bf's. some will say they're not interested. grow a pair and get over it. its better to approach than to go on and on wondering "what if".
What ARE you on about.....ewwww....freak.....JOKING!!!!!! Yes, some girls can be pure evil.....I have actually witnessed some poor guy, wallking up to ask a girl to dance and she said "F....off you retard" he walkled away and I felt so, so sorry for him....but you know, the GIRL who did that looked worse....showed what a 'bit...h she was! I just would never do that to a guy......ever......if you have to let him down be gentle. But a man should suss out first if the girl is 1 - a nasty bit..ch and will be vile to his face and 2 - if the girl is interested.
This is the thing. In order for the guy to contact you, he has to actually talk to you, and then he has to ask for your number, or suggest exchanging contact info. If he can't bring himself to do more than make a light comment here and there, if that, he can't contact you, even if he's interested.
I have a different scenario. "If a guy is interested, he'll let you know he's interested." And the rest may be up to you. He'll either try to catch your eye repeatedly, and smile, or he'll make a passing comment as your paths cross in the gym, or at the end of class, or he'll have his buddy invite you to sit with their group at the concert, or he may initiate conversations several times. He'll make it very clear he's interested, one way or another, but he won't be able to bring himself to ask for your number, out of fear of rejection. With these guys, you have to help him along: help sustain the conversation, be friendly when you see him and initiate the conversation yourself, eventually you just ask if he wants to get together and do something sometime, or you ask, would he like to go for a cup of coffee and continue the conversation. Women who always wait for the guy to make the move may end up waiting for the rest of their lives. They may miss out on meeting their dream guy, because he couldn't take the big step and ask for your number.
Wow, I can't believe I agree with you on something. Many of the women I've dated that I did not meet thru online dating put forth some sort of "effort" toward me that ended up getting us together and dating and eventually a relationship.
I'm an outgoing guy, I'll talk or approach to anyone. I'm in sales so I don't fear rejection, but I'm at a point in my life where I don't really care and I just don't see the benefit of going completely out on a limb to take a chance at asking a girl out.
However, if a girl would make conversation with me, or ask me if I wanted a drink or to talk, or walk her home, or some little tiny effort....well then I'd absolutely take action and make a move and get her number. I call this "buying signs".
A small effort speaks VOLUMES to a guy and gives him a huge boost to make a move. Sometimes we just need a little push.
I was talking to some women in their mid 30's at a bar last weekend. Two of them were married, two of them were single. The married ones came up to me and my buddies and started chatting. They were married but still fun to talk to. I then went up to the other two women to try and make conversation and it was like pulling teeth at first. Then somehow the married women were telling the single women that "this is why they're still single" and yadda yadda. Then eventually the single girls were saying "Well, I guess if a guy really put himself out there I would maybe give him a chance..."
Those women were hopelessly single and not very attractive at all. I can't think of why a guy is going to put himself totally out there for them at the BAR of all places and go completely for broke in damaging his ego just for a chance to talk to them.
It's really about attitude. That attitude will get women no where. Either side can create the spark, but if women aren't getting attention from the guys they want then sometimes they need to take the initiative.
Some guys - including yours truly - do not 'get' the so-called 'hints' therefore we will not step up. Sorry, but until I have a much better understanding of this 'dropping hints' business no way will I ever ask out a woman. I must absolutely know ahead of time if she is interested... must be solid for me to proceed.
Some guys - including yours truly - do not 'get' the so-called 'hints' therefore we will not step up. Sorry, but until I have a much better understanding of this 'dropping hints' business no way will I ever ask out a woman. I must absolutely know ahead of time if she is interested... must be solid for me to proceed.
I'm with you. I didn't know what "hints" were until I read a book about it to be honest. Now I pay attention to body language and other things to give me an idea if a girl may be flirting or into me....yet those signs are still not enough for me to act on it either. Of all the women I went up to at the end of the night or at a social setting that I just met that day and had good conversation with and asked for their number not a single one lead to even a date. Either I do it wrong and I'm socially awkward and don't know it or I that is just not the way you get a date these days.
If I take my older friends' predictions to heart, soon enough I won't even have to try to meet women to date. Being low 30's with a great paying job, nice big apartment to myself, and a solid fun life of my own will lead me to having to fight them off with a stick. I'm still skeptical of that but I feel like time is on my side in the dating world.
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And very true of women. Not all of us are mean.
