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Invite her to do something physical with you on a weekly basis...maybe a class that you have to register or sign up for. That will at least set some kind of regular routine.
How about nutrition? What's her diet like and what is your like? Maybe get a book (Eat to Live is a good one) and read it. Tell her you are trying to improve your diet for health reasons, share what you've read. If she's got medical issues there's a lot of great information in that book and there are others like it out there as well.
When I get serious about my diet, I notice it rubs off on my husband and vice versa. Same for exercise...I've got a gym membership and I've been going everyday to lift. So now he's doing p90x everday at home.
Maybe by changing your lifestyle, hers will as well. You said you like to lift at 9pm...so continue to do that. She might feel left out of your life and decide to join you.
I wouldn't say "hey let's get rid of those chubs" though. LOL
You are only dating her. My husband can say that to me and my kids can jiggle my arm fat without the fear of getting my fist in their face. I'm not sure a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship makes that a safe thing to do though.
Although I could see how this could be frawned upon OP but why would the man be wrong for asking his mate to become healthy(ier). Men should not be lashed for asking\wanting thier mate to be more fit,healthier,or toned. Four subjects that evoke emotion and discontent oddly, two belong to women!! Race,a Women's age,Politics, a Women's weight.
Although I could see how this could be frawned upon OP but why would the man be wrong for asking his mate to become healthy(ier). Men should not be lashed for asking\wanting thier mate to be more fit,healthier,or toned. Four subjects that evoke emotion and discontent oddly, two belong to women!! Race,a Women's age,Politics, a Women's weight.
If he was doing it for her benefit, then it would be fine.
But, he's plainly showed that it's for his own vanity and sake. It wasn't until chided for being childish that he even brought up doing it for her health.
Although I could see how this could be frawned upon OP but why would the man be wrong for asking his mate to become healthy(ier). Men should not be lashed for asking\wanting thier mate to be more fit,healthier,or toned. Four subjects that evoke emotion and discontent oddly, two belong to women!! Race,a Women's age,Politics, a Women's weight.
It's not that he's necessarily wrong, it's more that his intent, though framed in "I want her to be healthier" language seems, on further questioning, to be more like "I think she's gross." Nobody wants to be with someone who isn't attracted to them. Weight and appearance is a touchy subject for most women, so treading lightly and coming from a sincere place of care is necessary.
If he was doing it for her benefit, then it would be fine.
But, he's plainly showed that it's for his own vanity and sake. It wasn't until chided for being childish that he even brought up doing it for her health.
He doesn't have to bring anything up to her there, is no treading lightly or conversation that needs to be had. Just keep doing what your doing and keep your life active, if she wants to be with you she will step up to the plate, if not, she will fall by the wayside.
You dont need to tiptoe around an uncomfortable conversation.
OP's situation isn't unlike the poster from last week who married a woman with a low sex drive and now complains that he's not getting enough sex. If the OP is into health and fitness and appearance and that is important to him, and he's dating a woman who was overweight when they met and who's not into those things at all, then, as Dan Savage says, DTMFA. (Not that she's a MF, it's just obvious that they're not compatible.)
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 05-04-2012 at 10:38 AM..
So I was wondering what's the best way to approach this issue. Before anyone jumps on my case about how shallow I am, please note my standards of weight for women are the same standards I hold to myself. That standard is a question: "What would a doctor have to say about your weight?" While I think asking for bigger boobs, or for better legs, etc IS shallow, I don't feel like wanting a healthy and medically good weight (in proportion to height) in a partner is too much to ask, especially when the partner holds himself to the same standards.
What's your thoughts on this? I'm not asking her to become super model slim, I'm asking her to go from medically overweight, to medically normal. I don't think that's a shallow request.
Was she "medically overweight" when you met? If so, why did you go for it if this is obviously a concern for you?
My thoughts are that her weight is none of your business. She is not glued to you and has no obligation to you to be anything else than what she is. I can understand being concerned for health reasons, I've been there. But in the end there is nothing you can do outside of gentle, passionate, and considerate suggestions.
You don't have to like everything about the other person, but you do have to accept him/her as they are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baldrick
Good luck with this...
Yeah....I have a feeling it is not going to end in the OPs "favor".
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, please note my standards of weight for women are the same standards I hold to myself. That standard is a question: "What would a doctor have to say about your weight?" While I think asking for bigger boobs, or for better legs, etc IS shallow, I don't feel like wanting a healthy and medically good weight (in proportion to height) in a partner is too much to ask, especially when the partner holds himself to the same standards.
