Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ok, maybe this is just my background talking here, but these posts are kinda cracking me up. A college-educated couple in their 20s turning up pregnant is not the worst social disaster to occur. Yeah, they could've doubled up on the birth control or whatever, but this stuff DOES happen. It's just life. They have their heads on straight and nobody's gonna be living in their parents' basement, it doesn't sound like. I think we can ease off the lamentations about birth control and such. The OP wants to be a dad, and it sounds like his girlfriend wants to be a mom. They can support the kid, and they are a fairly normal age to be reproducing. It's all good.
Hey. I'm African-American but my father got a new job in London when I was 16, so I live in good old England these days. Grace's mother is half American and half English and her father is half Dutch and half German. In regards to the socio-economic status - like my family, Grace comes from a middle class background.
What you write about the baby being the priority is entirely right. That's one of the things that annoys about it all - her mind and body will experience tremendous strain over the coming months and I really don't want her to be plagued by her family's B.S. That's why we just want to resolve the situation and we are as soon as our exams are over. We don't want it dragging out.
I'd never ask her to choose. That's beyond even contemplation. I just want to be there for her and our child. Thank you for sharing your own family experience. It has somewhat enlightened me on the subject. Grace feels the same way in regards to the problem - if her family don't like it, then that's their business. The priority for her, for both of us, is the baby.
I was also wondered where you live. I could tell you're from England by certain terms you wrote in your original post. In the U.S. we usually say "college" instead of "university" and "degree" instead of "credential." What country you're in also places your situation in context because the U.S., of course, has a totally different racial history than the U.K.
It's been my observation that racist parents often end up liking the black boyfriend after they get to know him. Racism is based on prejudging and broad generalities that people have about another group. But once they meet an individual member of that group that they like, they will see that they were wrong about the individual. But they will probably still have it in their minds that you're "one of the good ones," and still hold negative views of black people in general.
The situation would have been easier had you met the parents earlier, now they're going to be hit with the double whammy of their daughter dating a black man and she's pregnant by him!
OP, you also said it's unlikely that your girlfriend cheated, but it's also highly unlikely that the condom failed. Trust but verify, my friend.
Ok, maybe this is just my background talking here, but these posts are kinda cracking me up. A college-educated couple in their 20s turning up pregnant is not the worst social disaster to occur. Yeah, they could've doubled up on the birth control or whatever, but this stuff DOES happen. It's just life. They have their heads on straight and nobody's gonna be living in their parents' basement, it doesn't sound like. I think we can ease off the lamentations about birth control and such. The OP wants to be a dad, and it sounds like his girlfriend wants to be a mom. They can support the kid, and they are a fairly normal age to be reproducing. It's all good.
But is the kid really HIS??? I don't know why, but this whole condom splitting story just doesn't make sense to me. And apparently that's the exact time she gets pregnant. How convenient.
I was also wondered where you live. I could tell you're from England by certain terms you wrote in your original post. In the U.S. we usually say "college" instead of "university" and "degree" instead of "credential." What country you're in also places your situation in context because the U.S., of course, has a totally different racial history than the U.K.
It's been my observation that racist parents often end up liking the black boyfriend after they get to know him. Racism is based on prejudging and broad generalities that people have about another group. But once they meet an individual member of that group that they like, they will see that they were wrong about the individual. But they will probably still have it in their minds that you're "one of the good ones," and still hold negative views of black people in general.
The situation would have been easier had you met the parents earlier, now they're going to be hit with the double whammy of their daughter dating a black man and she's pregnant by him!
OP, you also said it's unlikely that your girlfriend cheated, but it's also highly unlikely that the condom failed. Trust but verify, my friend.
Well I'm not FROM England (not inherently anyway) but these days I do think of myself as being English as much as I am American. Even though I didn't like it here at first, I've really fallen in love with this island. You wouldn't even think I'm from the US if you were to hear my accent. Completely lost my Los Angeles intonation - I now speak with a strong Greater London accent. In regards to the country dictating the context of I and Grace's association, in all honesty, England for me is a far better climate than the US. Of course there's still issues here and there, but here it's nowhere near as racially divided as it is back in Stateside. In fact, mixed race kids (half black and half white), with the current demographic stats and birth rates, are set to be the largest ethnic minority in England by 2020. Not to say that it's all hunky-dory here - far from it; wherever humans of different shapes, sizes and colours exist, there's always a capacity for conflict. We're just idiotic in that sense.
And in regards to Grace's parents - being seen by them as "one of the good ones" is simply degrading. I don't really want anything to do with that kind of toxic and inevitably artificial relationship.
Yeah, I know what you say about meeting her parents prior the pregnancy being the little ice breaker, but we didn't foresee such a turn of events beforehand. In retrospect, meeting her parents would have been really prudent.
In regards to the breaking condom, I realise as to why someone would be suspicious, but I just can't see it. I really can't. I know I'm perhaps blinded by my subjective affection of Grace, but I really do believe deep down that she didn't cheat. Besides, verification is pretty simple - I'm the only black person she's dated or has been sexually-affiliated with in her twenty-two years. When the baby's born, he/she will have caramel coloured skin. If not then I'll know.
Last edited by supernova1989; 05-24-2012 at 08:29 AM..
I can't tell from your OP what you are seeking--advice about her parents? Advice about Grace?
Are you getting married or what?
Hey. Yeah, sorry for not clarifying what I seek in the OP - I'll edit it in a moment. In regards to the input from others, yes, any of the above you listed.
And no, we're not getting married. We spoke about it and we agreed that we don't want to get married just for the sake of it. We feel strongly about one another but we're in 2012, not 1912. We're just going to take it as it comes, step by step.
We feel strongly about one another but we're in 2012, not 1912. We're just going to take it as it comes, step by step.
For someone so forward thinking you think you would have suggested that your gf seek out some type of effective contraception.
I have a question though...before she got pregnant, did she see an OBGYN regularly? (Most ask you straight away if you are sexually active. Followed by "what are you doing to protect yourself?" Most I know wouldn't take just using condoms as an effective means to prevent pregnancy-STD's maybe).
Would her up-tight (traditional) parents not approve of her being on birth control?
Why are so many harping on birth control and condoms? She's pregnant now. Unless there's a time machine I don't know about, asking "Why didn't you do this?" or "Why didn't you do that?" are irrelevant.
Why are so many harping on birth control and condoms? She's pregnant now. Unless there's a time machine I don't know about, asking "Why didn't you do this?" or "Why didn't you do that?" are irrelevant.
This is very true. I would suggest a DNA test because they haven't been together long and maybe she sees him as a ticket out of conservative parent land or a money opportunity depending on his job or a combo of both.
Unforuntately some people have hidden agendas for their decisions. It's always best to CYA because shyt does happen even in lala love land
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In the U.S. we usually say "college" instead of "university" and "degree" instead of "credential." What country you're in also places your situation in context because the U.S., of course, has a totally different racial history than the U.K. 
I don't know why, but this whole condom splitting story just doesn't make sense to me. And apparently that's the exact time she gets pregnant. How convenient.
