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Old 05-25-2012, 10:35 PM
 
14 posts, read 10,785 times
Reputation: 13

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Sit back and relax, for I'm a guy that likes to ramble and give as much detail about his situation as possible so that responses can be accurate and helpful (gasp).
First of all, I am 19, my amazing girlfriend is 16. We met about a year ago by chance on the online game Runescape, and after a few months of talking and video chatting on skype later, we came to love each other. At that point I decided to drop everything in my life and hop on a plane over to her hometown, 1800 miles away and on the other side of the united states. A day before the plane was scheduled to leave, my friend nearby her hometown dropped out of the deal he made to help me, so instead my girlfriend's grandmother decided to kindly step up and invite me to stay with her instead (lucky break eh?).
Now a little background on the people. I myself was raised by a verbally (and at times physically) abusive mother. During the months of chatting with her over skype, I learned of how both her parents were just as bad as mine, undermining her self esteem and devaluing her (to this day it is a painful source of pride that the day we declared eachother bf/gf that she stopped rusting razors with her own blood). She is the most amazing person who is kind, responsible, and very mature for her age.

Back to the timeline, I managed to snag a part time job in the next month of my stay here, and since then been working on my relationship with my gf and her family. In 2 months now I need to move 3 hours away so that I may start my eduction for a career in biomedical engineering so that I will be able to support a family and my gf as she finished high school and goes to college as well. This is where the problems start to arise. My gf and I are 100% sure that we want to be married and start a family, and both of us are very eager to have a child soon.
You might say we are eager to start a family because we want to create that loving environment we were both starved of in our own childhoods; or you might say that we want a child because it will somehow fulfill a need. But the truth is its just what sits right with us, for we are fully aware of the hardwork and dedication required and are more than ready to take on the challenges ahead as a team.
The biggest obstacle to this though is her family, for her mother and father were also married at 16 and 21, but they never grew up after that. This and their attitude towards us in general have put is into a very painful position. I absolutely must move to my university's city so that I can get my eduction if I want to be able to support my girlfriend, and she absolutely must stick through high school no matter what happens either (our rules we decided on at the beginning, not her parent's) which means we'd be stuck without seeing eachother more than a few times a year for the next three years.
Oh, and did I mention that in all my time spent here, including dates and moving in between rooms in the house, we are constantly supervised by either her grandmother, her parents, or her much younger brothers who are rewarded for trying to get her in trouble, whether they are making it up or not. Not a moment goes by that our throats aren't jumped down for being to close or hugging to tightly or kissing in the wrong way. (This gets old fast, but we make sure to remain civil and optimistic as we can).
Hence any time I would have with her those sparse few days each year would be continuosly invaded upon by unwanted disaprovers, while the rest of the time we would be unable to contact through anything other than facebook (which is also heavily monitored).

We love each other to pieces, and obviously while our relationship would survive that for 3 years, it would be excruciating. Our other option is to basically fight back. In florida here, a minor is emancipated through marriage for which a license may be obtained without parental consent only in the case that the minor is pregnant. We've spent a lot of time talking about how this would affect her relationships and her support system, and we've decided on this being the best course of action. Because of work study and the multitude of grant I'm recieving for my education, obtaining rent and vehicular transport is not an issue. Due to food stamps and the rest of the government help for low income families, food will be provided (and help me break her picky eating habits ). Whether she will want to enroll in a local high school or opt for a special program to avoid the discrimnation she'll recieve for being pregnant is still yet to be seen.

The reason I am posting my story here is because I honestly just need some people to talk about it with. The love of my life is doing for me what I did for her 9 months ago and literally giving up everything in her life, her comforts, her friends, everything, so that we can be together and so I cannot by any means show any kind of doubt or worry that things might not work out as well. We'll survive, and get through school, but the weight of being responsible for the life of my dearly beloved and our soon to be child in such a difficult situation makes sleep hard some nights. And this is why I must not mention my worry to her, because she has more than enough to worry about right now, and she needs me to be the person she looks to that reaffirms her confidence, that crutch that will keep her walking through the times ahead.

Thanks to all of you who actually took the time to read this. I look forward to our conversations. I will gladly provide more details if asked, and appreciate whatever helpful advice you may have.
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:10 PM
 
Location: Rockwall
677 posts, read 1,535,690 times
Reputation: 1129
I'm unclear on something,,, Is your girlfriend already pregnant or is this your 'plan'?
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:35 PM
 
14 posts, read 10,785 times
Reputation: 13
She is not yet pregnant. We both know our situation is not ideal by any means, and we both know how it will alienate friends and family alike. We've just been forced into making a choice between us or them. Honestly the most uncomfortable part of this whole situation is the fact that everybody else is unwilling to reach any form of compromise with us, and the fact that they treat us both like we are beneath them and their level of correctly understanding how the world works.
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:42 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,489,477 times
Reputation: 40198
PLEASE

PLEASE

PLEEEEEEEESSSSSE....

Do NOT bring a baby into this world.

You guys come from very unhealthy backgrounds and have so much to overcome. You don't even realize what is ahead of you as you continue to grow up.

Go to school. FINISH school.

Give yourself time to grow up.

Time is your friend.

Let there be no talk of babies for AT LEAST 10 years.
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:49 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,427,520 times
Reputation: 9548
respect her family and give things time. you are both still very young and have all the time in the world to bring a child into it. "love" wont feed tiny mouths, fix inner family issues or give them a proper living space.

that's the only real advise i can offer you....though i know when you are young you may feel nobody understands what you are going through or feeling and that is all the rational needed to say screw it (...um not to be taken literally) and just do whatever comes over you at in the moment.

g'luck
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:54 PM
 
1,807 posts, read 3,317,282 times
Reputation: 1252
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidenn View Post
First of all, I am 19, my amazing girlfriend is 16.

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Old 05-25-2012, 11:55 PM
 
14 posts, read 10,785 times
Reputation: 13
You may be surprised at the lengths we have traveled to overcome our situations already, though I risk sounding like the stereotyped know-it-all teenager here xD. Life as I see it is a system of priorities. My mother specifically, also had an unhealthy upbringing, and what she decided from that was to identify problems and try to stamp them out. Though I cannot pretend to really know her, I can surmise that her focus on everything that could go wrong, and on the negative side of every action, she became unable to view anything other then the negative.
For this reason, I do not blame my mother for her failings. I simply aim to learn from them. The best part about being me is that I can look at any (well, almost any) situation calmly, and find the positive light. I can laugh at myself and help others to laugh as well. And above all, I've learned the importance of compromise.

This alone qualifies me as a better candidate for parenthood then my own parents in my opinion. I know I'm not perfect, and neither is she. But with the right communication, trust, and teamwork, who is to say that we won't be able to pull it all off with flying colors?
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:59 PM
 
4,868 posts, read 8,399,215 times
Reputation: 3161
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidenn View Post

This alone qualifies me as a better candidate for parenthood then my own parents in my opinion. I know I'm not perfect, and neither is she. But with the right communication, trust, and teamwork, who is to say that we won't be able to pull it all off with flying colors?
You have the right idea and all, but its still a very bad idea. There is also no guarantee that there will be the right communication, trust and teamwork when you are both still learning what that means.
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:59 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,393 posts, read 30,869,940 times
Reputation: 16642
1. stupid, you're an adult stop acting like you've got a sub 100 IQ
2. if all else fails at least try to get on MTV 16 and pregnant.
3. don't wind up on how to catch a predator
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Old 05-26-2012, 12:03 AM
 
14 posts, read 10,785 times
Reputation: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by mir86 View Post
You have the right idea and all, but its still a very bad idea. There is also no guarantee that there will be the right communication, trust and teamwork when you are both still learning what that means.
Being the lover of compromise that I am, then I would ask for a solution.

One way, we are forced apart from each other for 3 years while she is still stuck in an increasingly emotionally abusive relationship with her parents.

On the other hand, piles of plentiful stress and persecution from just about every source and person around, but we still get through school and we at least have eachother to support each other through it.

If you see a middle ground, I'm listening


[/quote] 3. don't wind up on how to catch a predator[/quote]
Statuatory rape charges don't apply to us. Florida law allows consentual sex for minors as young as 16 with a partner up to (23? 25? It was above 20 I know that).
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