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I'm young, supposedly in the prime of my life, and I just can't seem to get it together when it comes to women. I'm "attractive" (I've been told.."cute", which in my opinion is patronizing, but whatever)...college educated (nearly), passionate about life...hoping to make something of myself, make a decent sum of money, contribute to society positively...but with women, I just can't figure it out.
I was at a bar today...and I was drinking...and there was this girl, she was cute...someone that is "my type"...and she was just sitting there by herself (watching over her friend's coats..) and I was looking at her. She looks at me a couple times and smiles...and I smile back...
Later, she even comes up to me and makes a comment about a song...
And I couldn't find it within myself to get off my butt and go carry on the conversation that she had already started. I'm starting to think I have a real problem..
I don't know, I don't think girls take guys that they meet at a bar very seriously...so if the girl looks like someone I might want to get to know better...I don't really want her to know me as the guy "she met at a bar..". Plus, the only reason I was thinking about her was because I thought she was attractive...which is pretty degrading imo. I shouldn't want to get to know her just because she's pretty...people are more than just a face and body. So, I just sit there and sip my drink...
(So why did I go to a bar? I honestly couldn't tell you..)
But, I'll never see her again...and I'm just annoyed at myself for letting that happen. It's like I fear my own sexual drive...because I've let it all out in the past...and have woken up next to random people...and I don't think that's any way to live.
So, I just don't know anymore...I don't know what I want from girls anymore...and it's really starting to make me withdraw. I don't want to be in a relationship that's going nowhere...but at the same time I don't want a relationship that's too real. I'm still too young for any serious commitment...so, relationship wise, I don't know what I want from a girl.
I have a number of friends that are girls, and as people they are awesome, so I can relate to girls (very awkwardly at least) in a non sexual context...and if I wanted to, you know, "release stress" I could call up one of the girls from my past...but I can't wrap my head around girls as they relate to the future...and those are the girls I want...and the ones I can't seem to make myself "get".
(It doesn't help that I've hardly ever pursued a girl...most girls make it extremely obvious that there is an opportunity there if I want to take it. So, in the past I've just interacted with those girls, but now that I'm starting to realize which girls are more "my type", and not all of them take the initiative...I've been put in a position where it's more my responsibility to get things started...and I suck at that. Either that or I just let them go...which is what happened tonight)
So, advice?
Last edited by dub dub II; 05-27-2012 at 04:32 AM..
" Plus, the only reason I was thinking about her was because I thought she was attractive...which is pretty degrading imo. I shouldn't want to get to know her just because she's pretty...people are more than just a face and body"
Looks like a rough case of social conditioning. DOnt worry dude, plenty of guys have problems like you do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to a girl just because she is attractive. Its the only reason all men approach women. Young guys are brianwashed all their lives to believe a bunch of BS, but in reality its biology that drives us. If youre serious, I just finished reasing a book called the manual what women want and how to give it to them by W.ANton that addresses this issue in the first couple of chapters. It will blow your mind and answer all your questions on this topic. Good Luck
I'm young, supposedly in the prime of my life, and I just can't seem to get it together when it comes to women. I'm "attractive" (I've been told.."cute", which in my opinion is patronizing, but whatever)...college educated (nearly), passionate about life...hoping to make something of myself, make a decent sum of money, contribute to society positively...but with women, I just can't figure it out.
I was at a bar today...and I was drinking...and there was this girl, she was cute...someone that is "my type"...and she was just sitting there by herself (watching over her friend's coats..) and I was looking at her. She looks at me a couple times and smiles...and I smile back...
Later, she even comes up to me and makes a comment about a song...
And I couldn't find it within myself to get off my butt and go carry on the conversation that she had already started. I'm starting to think I have a real problem..
I don't know, I don't think girls take guys that they meet at a bar very seriously...so if the girl looks like someone I might want to get to know better...I don't really want her to know me as the guy "she met at a bar..". Plus, the only reason I was thinking about her was because I thought she was attractive...which is pretty degrading imo. I shouldn't want to get to know her just because she's pretty...people are more than just a face and body. So, I just sit there and sip my drink...
(So why did I go to a bar? I honestly couldn't tell you..)
But, I'll never see her again...and I'm just annoyed at myself for letting that happen. It's like I fear my own sexual drive...because I've let it all out in the past...and have woken up next to random people...and I don't think that's any way to live.
So, I just don't know anymore...I don't know what I want from girls anymore...and it's really starting to make me withdraw. I don't want to be in a relationship that's going nowhere...but at the same time I don't want a relationship that's too real. I'm still too young for any serious commitment...so, relationship wise, I don't know what I want from a girl.
I have a number of friends that are girls, and as people they are awesome, so I can relate to girls (very awkwardly at least) in a non sexual context...and if I wanted to, you know, "release stress" I could call up one of the girls from my past...but I can't wrap my head around girls as they relate to the future...and those are the girls I want...and the ones I can't seem to make myself "get".
(It doesn't help that I've hardly ever pursued a girl...most girls make it extremely obvious that there is an opportunity there if I want to take it. So, in the past I've just interacted with those girls, but now that I'm starting to realize which girls are more "my type", and not all of them take the initiative...I've been put in a position where it's more my responsibility to get things started...and I suck at that. Either that or I just let them go...which is what happened tonight)
So, advice?
Perhaps you should see a therapist to help you work through these issues. Also, I'd strongly recommend that you get tested for STDs, since you have a history of waking up next to strangers.
Lastly, you should know that the worst place to meet people are in bars.
I was at a bar today...and I was drinking...and there was this girl, she was cute...someone that is "my type"...and she was just sitting there by herself (watching over her friend's coats..) and I was looking at her. She looks at me a couple times and smiles...and I smile back...
Later, she even comes up to me and makes a comment about a song...
And I couldn't find it within myself to get off my butt and go carry on the conversation that she had already started. I'm starting to think I have a real problem..
You had an excellent opportunity and you sabotaged it with your insecurities. Many guys cannot even get a girl to LOOK at them much less smile at them. So, in a sense, you are already ahead of some guys here... including yours truly.
So that is what you need to work on - get rid of the insecurities you have when it comes to being able to converse with women. And, of course, you need to self-assess what you want... and you do not have to pressure yourself into any 'commitment' - you're at the age when you should just want to have fun.
I'm young, supposedly in the prime of my life, and I just can't seem to get it together when it comes to women. I'm "attractive" (I've been told.."cute", which in my opinion is patronizing, but whatever)...college educated (nearly), passionate about life...hoping to make something of myself, make a decent sum of money, contribute to society positively...but with women, I just can't figure it out.
I was at a bar today...and I was drinking...and there was this girl, she was cute...someone that is "my type"...and she was just sitting there by herself (watching over her friend's coats..) and I was looking at her. She looks at me a couple times and smiles...and I smile back...
Later, she even comes up to me and makes a comment about a song...
And I couldn't find it within myself to get off my butt and go carry on the conversation that she had already started. I'm starting to think I have a real problem..
I don't know, I don't think girls take guys that they meet at a bar very seriously...so if the girl looks like someone I might want to get to know better...I don't really want her to know me as the guy "she met at a bar..". Plus, the only reason I was thinking about her was because I thought she was attractive...which is pretty degrading imo. I shouldn't want to get to know her just because she's pretty...people are more than just a face and body. So, I just sit there and sip my drink...
(So why did I go to a bar? I honestly couldn't tell you..)
But, I'll never see her again...and I'm just annoyed at myself for letting that happen. It's like I fear my own sexual drive...because I've let it all out in the past...and have woken up next to random people...and I don't think that's any way to live.
So, I just don't know anymore...I don't know what I want from girls anymore...and it's really starting to make me withdraw. I don't want to be in a relationship that's going nowhere...but at the same time I don't want a relationship that's too real. I'm still too young for any serious commitment...so, relationship wise, I don't know what I want from a girl.
I have a number of friends that are girls, and as people they are awesome, so I can relate to girls (very awkwardly at least) in a non sexual context...and if I wanted to, you know, "release stress" I could call up one of the girls from my past...but I can't wrap my head around girls as they relate to the future...and those are the girls I want...and the ones I can't seem to make myself "get".
(It doesn't help that I've hardly ever pursued a girl...most girls make it extremely obvious that there is an opportunity there if I want to take it. So, in the past I've just interacted with those girls, but now that I'm starting to realize which girls are more "my type", and not all of them take the initiative...I've been put in a position where it's more my responsibility to get things started...and I suck at that. Either that or I just let them go...which is what happened tonight)
So, advice?
Pshhh don't let those women magazines control your life. Dont listen to any of that BS. Every single girl I approach and talk to is because I find her attractive, if I didn't find her attractive there's not a chance that I'd approach her (unless it was for a non-sexual interest).
Do what is best for yourself and enjoy your life. Take all the opportunites you can because you only live once.
Also, you don't have a problem you have a lack of experience. There's a HUGE difference. Just practice talking to people, have a good time with it. Instead of worrying every second about impressing her or whatever, just say f*ck it and have a real conversation, if you're into her things will go from there. Impress her with how awesome your life is. Be confident and what you do, if you're not happy with your own life why is someone going to want to be with you and be happy?
Just go out and socialize man, what a waste not to!
I have no problem with a girl referring to me as cute. It's not degrading or negative so what's the problem.
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