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One reason that Indian guys have a such a bad image is that many of the Indian guys who come to US are Indian nerds! If you had a lot more of the average non-academic types coming over to the US then perceptions would be different.
I've seen guys in India who are just as well dressed as an Brit or a American...these guys have "game" too...but a lot of those types never leave India!
Nerds are succesful though like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerburg and Steve Jobs. Women are attractive to nerds but you have to be cool also.
I am Indian Guy (from India). Born and raised in India. Moved to US few years back. 6 ft, Slim, good job and open minded.
Whenever i try to talk to any women (on a date or even in office), my legs starts shivering and my heart starts beating fast.
I have been on a date 4-5 times but i always start feeling awkward and end up ruining it. Woman never calls me back for 2nd date (obviously) and even i don't have guts to call her back.
Whenever i am on a date with any American Woman, i don't know what to talk about. I think of talking about how beautiful she looks or appraise her but then i feel that she might react not as per my hope or even think i am just another Indian pervert looking to use her for sex and leave her.
I want to share many things that is hidden in my heart but i always feel that she will ignore or laugh at that.
I am also feeling depressed with the fact that Indians are considered worst in the dating pool and thus eventually i am afraid to talk to any good looking woman. If by chance, she starts talking my abnormal behavior starts (shivering legs and heart beating fast). Due to this behavior i just try to end the talk as fast as possible and run..
It's not that i don't like woman but i am very afraid to talk to them.
I have also noticed that my awkward behavior is not only with american women but also with indian women.
I have also noticed that my awkward behavior goes away after few years. I have known an indian woman (neighbor) for many years. When she first talked i felt same (shivering legs and heart beating fast) but i was able to get over that after couple of years. (only with that woman)
Do you think it is something related to my childhood? I didn't had any sister (not even cousin) and i was only child of my parents. I rarely used to see my mom as she had very long working hours. In the school also it was inappropriate for a boy to talk with any girl. Thus, i rarely had any interaction with girls.
Should i go to any therapist or medical treatment?
First off I know Indian culture. I had two very good friends from India when I lived in Pittsburgh. One of them was being pushed to go the arranged marriage route by his father. They didn't exactly get along/ see eye to eye.. He would not do it, so he came to America to work and to find a wife. The other did the arranged marriage, so that settles that. The one who didn't had a a very hard time talking to women. He didn't exactly have the "american" jargon down. What started to work for him, was he'd go out with a bunch of us guys and drink first. This lowered his inhibitions and loosened him up. It's also harder for Indian men to meet American women because customs are so different. They usually get married the "arranged" way. He is still single, (at least last I knew-I talked to him about two years ago). He's living in Allentown now. But we did help to bring him out of his shell. It's going to take some time to adjust to the "major" differences between the two customs/ countries. If that don't work, see if you can get a doctor to order you some Xanax. This could help to relax you. I would also say to look at them as if you were meeting just a new friend. By doing that you would alleviate a lot of pressure your prematurely putting on yourself. Most Indian men I knew where not "players". That could also be your problem. Most of them, where looking for "the one" and that was it. To put it bluntly, they were looking for a wife. Try not looking for a wife and just look to date different girls. That way, you will get better at breaking the ice and when you find one that clicks you'll know it.
Good luck. My friends name was Ravi. Great guy. He was fun to be around and had a good sense of humor. He still is searching. And it's been years. For some people marriage/ gf come easily and quickly, and for some they can seem to take a lifetime. You just can't give up. Good luck in finding your Mrs. Right.
I don't think that you need a therapist or medical intervention, I think you just need to maybe practice talking in the mirror, learn some exercises to slow yourself down and relax, and remember that these women may be as nervous as you are. Just take one thing at a time and don't be jumping ahead thinking about if she'll call you back or not or kissing her goodnight etc. Just take one thing at a time, ok, now I am going to buy her some flowers and go pick her up. Ok, now we are going out to eat, etc. Practice at home things you can maybe talk about, the weather, her job, if she is into sports and what kind, if she has siblings, etc. Always show an interest in her and what she does and likes, but share of yourself as well. Maybe instead of the pressure of calling her back you can text. If she doesn't answer your text, then let her go and move on. It is possible that some of these women that you never called back would have gone on a second date with you, you never know. Take is slow!
Get practice with girls you aren't romantically/sexually interested in. Go on group dates with women who don't make you react this way. Get your confidence up, work on your technique and get a game plan together of topics to talk about before you go out and take the plunge with some women you are super attracted to or could see yourself being with.
I am Indian Guy (from India). Born and raised in India. Moved to US few years back. 6 ft, Slim, good job and open minded.
Whenever i try to talk to any women (on a date or even in office), my legs starts shivering and my heart starts beating fast.
I have been on a date 4-5 times but i always start feeling awkward and end up ruining it. Woman never calls me back for 2nd date (obviously) and even i don't have guts to call her back.
Whenever i am on a date with any American Woman, i don't know what to talk about. I think of talking about how beautiful she looks or appraise her but then i feel that she might react not as per my hope or even think i am just another Indian pervert looking to use her for sex and leave her.
I want to share many things that is hidden in my heart but i always feel that she will ignore or laugh at that.
I am also feeling depressed with the fact that Indians are considered worst in the dating pool and thus eventually i am afraid to talk to any good looking woman. If by chance, she starts talking my abnormal behavior starts (shivering legs and heart beating fast). Due to this behavior i just try to end the talk as fast as possible and run..
It's not that i don't like woman but i am very afraid to talk to them.
I have also noticed that my awkward behavior is not only with american women but also with indian women.
I have also noticed that my awkward behavior goes away after few years. I have known an indian woman (neighbor) for many years. When she first talked i felt same (shivering legs and heart beating fast) but i was able to get over that after couple of years. (only with that woman)
Do you think it is something related to my childhood? I didn't had any sister (not even cousin) and i was only child of my parents. I rarely used to see my mom as she had very long working hours. In the school also it was inappropriate for a boy to talk with any girl. Thus, i rarely had any interaction with girls.
Should i go to any therapist or medical treatment?
I don't know if you need a therapist or anything, however you do need to focus on all the good points about you. Not the negative. And here is my solution: date women you are only mildly attracted too. Once you have done this date a woman you like. You need practice under your belt in order to get used to dating. Build confidence. Good luck. And observe women, who do they talk to, the race they interact with, and how they portray themselves to others.
YOU sound very healthy and very respectful of woman. I would say that you love them a lot and they are very important to you. Western woman can be a bit harsh and overly defensive..it's because most men these days despite the progress of woman's rights---still look at females as objects of pleasure. Intelligent woman pick up on this and will quietly resent these less sophisticated males.
Do what I tried yesterday- Don't just look at all woman as a prospect- Find the o-ne that appears beautiful to you- the one with the intelligent face..natural beauty - not bought beauty that seems to be the norm these days- Make eye contact with her..You will find that some of the most beautiful woman are the most lonely and the most isolated and shy.
The reason you are nervous around western females is because most are shallow..slightly bitter..even at a young age...You sound like a good man with honorable intentions..concentrate on the good woman and forget about the ones that make you nervous- they make you nervous because they just might be a bit dangerous...most woman have a history of dealing with poorly behaved men- with jerks...and you sense that resentment...go for quality- DO not be afraid..the good ones are just like you....their legs shake and they tremble...Overly confident woman have a cruel character to a mild degree- You don't need that- find an angel...not every woman is a prospect.
I am Indian Guy (from India). Born and raised in India. Moved to US few years back. 6 ft, Slim, good job and open minded.
Whenever i try to talk to any women (on a date or even in office), my legs starts shivering and my heart starts beating fast.
I have been on a date 4-5 times but i always start feeling awkward and end up ruining it. Woman never calls me back for 2nd date (obviously) and even i don't have guts to call her back.
Whenever i am on a date with any American Woman, i don't know what to talk about. I think of talking about how beautiful she looks or appraise her but then i feel that she might react not as per my hope or even think i am just another Indian pervert looking to use her for sex and leave her.
I want to share many things that is hidden in my heart but i always feel that she will ignore or laugh at that.
I am also feeling depressed with the fact that Indians are considered worst in the dating pool and thus eventually i am afraid to talk to any good looking woman. If by chance, she starts talking my abnormal behavior starts (shivering legs and heart beating fast). Due to this behavior i just try to end the talk as fast as possible and run..
It's not that i don't like woman but i am very afraid to talk to them.
I have also noticed that my awkward behavior is not only with american women but also with indian women.
I have also noticed that my awkward behavior goes away after few years. I have known an indian woman (neighbor) for many years. When she first talked i felt same (shivering legs and heart beating fast) but i was able to get over that after couple of years. (only with that woman)
Do you think it is something related to my childhood? I didn't had any sister (not even cousin) and i was only child of my parents. I rarely used to see my mom as she had very long working hours. In the school also it was inappropriate for a boy to talk with any girl. Thus, i rarely had any interaction with girls.
Should i go to any therapist or medical treatment?
Just date UGLY women. The uglier the better. Then work your way up. However you may discover that so called UGLY Women are more fun that beauty queens. Good luck.
GL2
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